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Black Tie Optional?

Allison546Allison546
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in Connecticut
I know this is kind of opposite of the other "Formality" thread, but I need opinions!

We are having a New Year's Eve wedding at the Waterview, which in itself is a pretty formal occasion (New Yrs) at a pretty formal venue. My FI wants to put "black tie optional" somewhere on the invitations, but I'm just not sure I want to dictate the dress code for the wedding.

There are pros and cons, definitely... I do think the nature of the night-- it being winter and NYE-- will have our guests more dressed up than not, anyway. I do NOT want anyone to feel obligated to rent a tuxedo, or think "who do they think they are" having a black tie wedding.

On the other hand, stating "black tie optional" might tell women, for example, they are free to wear long dresses, and men can wear tuxedos if they have them, or dark suits. A couple of my girlfriends have said they would love an excuse to wear long dresses/gowns they have that they wouldn't otherwise wear again.

What are your thoughts? Think Black Tie Optional is ok for a New Yrs. Eve wedding? Do you think it's an imposition on guests to suggest a dress code?

Thanks!!!
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Re: Black Tie Optional?

  • JennandJoel2010JennandJoel2010
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, I think either way would work for you. Are you having a plated dinner, open bar, etc? If so, I think you can put it on, because as you said it's optional. It lets people know if they want to, they can. If not, no big deal.

    Or, don't put it on, but set the tone with your invitations. If I got an invite to a wedding at the Waterview, on New Years Eve, I personally would step my dress up a notch without question.
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  • Lauren1333Lauren1333
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I thought about putting this on my invitations as well but decided against it only because I didn't want men to feel obligated to rent a tux.  After we sent out our STDs more than a few people asked me if our wedding was black tie (we are also having an evening winter wedding).  So, in general I think that you can set the tone with invitations and also it being New Years Eve, people will assume they need to get a bit more dressed up-- but I also don't think you should hesitate to put black tie optional or black tie invited/welcome if you want to!
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  • nyquinn134nyquinn134
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I don't think anyone will think "who do they think they are" if you have a black tie optional wedding.  I was thinking about having one myself but just went for formal and put it on my wedding website.  But my cousin did put black tie optional on his wedding invite, it's good to give people a heads up so that no one comes underdressed.

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  • Vanessa630Vanessa630 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_black-tie-optional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:65Discussion:6f8e6331-ecc4-4421-a728-cdb3fd04864bPost:b32303e3-57be-4dfe-b128-407aa9a04c4b">Re: Black Tie Optional?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think anyone will think "who do they think they are" if you have a black tie optional wedding.  I was thinking about having one myself but just went for formal and put it on my wedding website.  But my cousin did put black tie optional on his wedding invite, it's good to give people a heads up so that no one comes underdressed.
    Posted by nyquinn134[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agree! I would feel really uncomfortable if I felt that I missed the formality memo.  The wedding website is always a great place to provide information for your guests and you can do it in a way that won't give off the "who do they think they are" impression.... although, I don't think you would have to worry about that anyway. </div>
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  • starrbuk13starrbuk13 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i think putting black tie optional is fine.  the optional part means that guys most certainly do not have to rent a tux.  


    on another note, i attended a black tie wedding this past spring (and their invitations said "black tie"), and people STILL didn't follow the black tie dress code.  there were plenty of guys in suits and women in short casual dresses.  that being said, plenty of people thought "who do they think they are" because they did dictate full black tie attire.  no one said it to B&G's faces, but plenty of people said it to other friends attending the wedding.  and i have a feeling the reason people came underdressed is b/c they were annoyed at having to go rent a tux or buy a special dress.  if they had the option of wearing a cocktail dress or a suit, i'm sure no one would have complained.

    if you're worried about people coming underdressed, i would not hesitate to put "black tie optional" on the invites.  it tells people to be fancy, but doesn't dictate what they have to wear.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, you're not really supposed to put black tie optional from an etiquette perspective.  You can put black tie (if you must) but not really the optional part.  And if you're doing a black tie event, it's not just the attire.  It's how you serve the food, top shelf booze, open bar,  the music you have (no DJs for a black tie wedding), no paper napkins, etc.   And if you're not really black tie people, I think you may get the "who do they think they are" sort of feel.  Because if your crowd isn't a black tie group then why have a black tie event when the reception is FOR the guests?

    But, I think that because you're getting married on NYE, people will at least dress in THEIR best.  I'd wear my best evening dress and DH would absolutely be in a dark suit.  But dictating the attire would not be appropriate here.
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  • Allison546Allison546
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I appreciate all the honest opinions. Banana, I tend to agree with your take, and that's what I'm afraid of. I'm going to try to advocate putting on the website, perhaps, or just spread via word-of-mouth, "yeah, feel free to dress up."

    Thank you.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm totally with you on the "feel free to dress up".  Our crowd isn't black tie either and even though a recent wedding invitation didn't state it,  DH wore his dark suit and I wore a long black evening dress.  Everyone else at the wedding was dressed similarly.

    But if it said black tie optional, I would have felt a bit more inclined to tell DH that his attire might need to be modified - and that would have been an extra expense for us.
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  • jennylove810jennylove810 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_connecticut_black-tie-optional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:65Discussion:6f8e6331-ecc4-4421-a728-cdb3fd04864bPost:f7a78fa7-ab1d-4cbe-a39e-dcfe94233fba">Re: Black Tie Optional?</a>:
    [QUOTE]on another note, i attended a black tie wedding this past spring (and their invitations said "black tie"), and people STILL didn't follow the black tie dress code.  there were plenty of guys in suits and women in short casual dresses.
    Posted by starrbuk13[/QUOTE]

    I find that so incredibly rude.  The B&G throw this fancy event (assuming it was truly black tie-worthy, and not just an average wedding asking for tuxedos and gowns), and people show up wearing whatever?  If I received an invite to a black-tie event (wedding, fundraiser, gala, etc), I would <strong>never</strong> disrespect the hosts by showing up in a casual sundress.
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  • ChrisVickyChrisVicky member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I am also getting married on NYE this year and I decided to indicate "Black tie" on my website instead of the invitation. One would think that most people would already assume that the dress code is formal for a NYE wedding, but some people just don't get it. I am thinking that about 95% of my guests will be dressed formally but there may be a couple of people dressed really casual.  If I see someone in jeans or something outrageous like that, I will not be happy but at that point I will just have to let it go and not let it ruin my night!
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  • Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing wrong in saying Black Tie Optional. And Black Tie Optional is a recognized term. See above link to Emily Post. The dress code for a wedding is commonly stated. The Waterview is truly black tie-worthy.
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