Students

Getting Married while still in school?

so im hoping to be engaged soon (possibly by the end of the month) and my fiancé to be and I are trying to pick a date. I'd like to get married in June of 2013, so my married name will be on my diploma, but I think our families would prefer us getting married in June of 2014, after we graduate. Is it selfish to want my married name on MY diploma? what are the pros and cons of getting married while in undergrad?

Thank you so much!!! 
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Re: Getting Married while still in school?

  • Obvious cons are the exhorbitant amounts of extra work you will have with a wedding on top of school work, and the hoops you'll have to jumo through to get finances and records at school squared away since you'll change your name. It's just a lot of added stress, and I'm waiting until after undergrad for just that reason. Another view is that you should be financially independent from your parents before you get married, and I agree with that. I could completely handle the stress, and FI has a full-time job with benefits, so we could do it now while I'm still in undergrad, but I want to give it my full attention and make it everything I want it to be. That's the huge benefit of waiting until after school- you aren't dividing your attention so you enjoy it more. And out of anything in life, you should be able to enjoy your wedding day to the fullest!
  • Many schools will allow you to request a copy of your diploma with a new name if you change yours. See if your school will do so, and you could have the best of both worlds (:
  • I'm getting married while still in school. Mind you this is my 2nd undergrad so I know the amount of work that lies ahead. I won't be changing my name at the school except for my diploma, since all of my school name tags are currently under my maiden name and it's too much hassle and money to change them.

    If you're financially independent from your parents, can handle the stress of school and wedding planning (which can be stressful on its own) and have the blessing of your parents, get married when you and your FI want.
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  • CleverThoughtCleverThought member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2012
    My FI and I are going through the same decision, get married in 2013 and finish school as a married couple, or hold off until 2014 to where he will be graduated and I'll be in d-school.

    I think there are a lot of things to consider. Once you are married you need to be financially independent of your families. Can you guys afford to pay rent, car insurance, cell phone bills, utilities, school bills, ect on your own? What happens if if your last year of school you guys end up pregnant, will you have the finances to support a baby?

    If you are financially able and you can still manage school, then I don't see any reason to not get married. But that is something you and your future FI to decide.

    Also, does anyone else not find it odd that she isn't engaged but has a wedding ticker?

    OP- I'm understand how exciting it is to envision your wedding, but its a little odd to have a date already while not being engaged. I will totally admit to being a pre-planner, but wedding stuff can get old pretty quick, hold off until your engagement to set the date and do other wedding things! It will make it much more enjoyable. It's a shame to be sick of it before your even engaged.
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  • to add my 2 cents, we are getting married in 2015. why? because he gratuates hopefully in december, i graduate may 2014 and we want to be able to support ourselves. 

    in reality this is a very personal choice, why? because only the two of you know what you can and cant afford. 

    married life is complicated. if you cannot support yourselves and are not independent from both your parents, i really dont think marriage in undergrad is a very good idea. 

    think about all the things you need to do/plan/arrange and also the expenses you guys will have once you are married. 

    H2H


  • I'm waiting until after graduation to get married.  Even with my FMIL telling us on a regular basis she wishes we would just get married.  And honestly I would love to marry him sooner.  But there is no way we would be financially independent if we got married before we graduated.  Only you and your soon to be FI can determine if you can handle the extra stress and financial difficulties of being married and in college.  It's possible, and I've seen it done.  But it makes things harder.  
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  • It's not selfish, I'm eloping a few months before I graduate and my school said they'll put my married name on my diploma if I just show the marriage certificate but this can vary from Uni to Uni.

    Plus I have to echo what PPs have said: can you and your fi support yourselves without your parents help to pay for school bills, etc etc etc? There is a lot more to consider than just wanting your married name on your diploma. Those are the things you need to ask and be able to answer before you decide if you are ready for to be married in school. From my own experience already, and what others have said, waiting is worth it, and you can always go back to your Uni and get your diploma re-issued for a small fee with your married name :)
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  • I am getting married while in school. I have found it very easy. Plan most of your wedding during school breaks. We will both have 1year left of undergraduate after we get married. If you think you can handle it then I would say go for it :)
  • My FI and I are both still in school, have full time jobs and are getting married in 18 days... It is definitely possible and if you plan everything ahead- the stress is minimal.

  • We're getting married this summer - my fiance just graduated with his Bachelor's, and I have one year left.  We're already pretty much financially independent: we pay all of our bills and rent ourselves, only my parents pay for my health and car insurance for now.  It hasn't been too incredibly stressful, since I got most of the big things taken care of last summer, like finding the place and my dress.  School always came first, and even with all of the wedding planning, I pulled off my first 4.0 of my college career! So it's definitely doable. :)  My diploma will have my married name on it, by my fiance thinks it would be a good idea to have them announce my name "First Middle Maiden Last" to give my parents the pleasure of hearing their name at my graduation (I don't know if all schools allow that, but mine does, so I'm seriously considering it). Anyways, I'm absolutely tickled by the idea that I will be student-teaching in an English/Language Arts classroom as Mrs. Witty.  Oh, the puns! :P
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  • We're getting married the summer before my last year of undergrad, but I'm a super-senior and I don't have any hesitations about doing it. 
    We were going to get married summer of 2013, but once we found out we could financially handle being married earlier, we jumped on the chance.
    I haven't found any other cons than the financial burden of being married while in school.
    Pros are: religious approval, legal rights of being married, having my married name for student teaching, not having to tiptoe around the fact that we live together... and of course, we really are excited about being our own little family.
  • I will be married next Summer and then finish my last semester of grad school and graduate the following December. I have found it very easy to plan out of a long span of time. Take your time and slow down, you don't even have a ring yet!
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  • Well, my fiance and I got engaged at the end of sophomore year of college and has this same dilemma. We decided to wait until after graduation, and I will be getting married next weekend! I can tell you fro this side of it that it has been so worth the wait.  Looking back on the past year I can't fathom all the great opportunities I (and he) would have missed out on if I were married. We also have a couple friends who get married summer after sophomore year and have had many ups and downs.  For example, one night after studying at the library, he went over to the guys dorm where he used to live to hang out with his friends for a while.  She sat at home expecting him to come back, and you can imagine how she felt when he finally did.  It's really natural when your in college to want to live like a college student, and the reality is you just can't cause it's never going to be the same.  Some couples can make it work, but you really give up a lot you don't think about.

    I will give you the thing about the names though.  It has been really challenging with applying for jobs, knowing I'm going to have to redo my resume and contact all the places I've applied to let them know of the name change.  Also, our school email uses our first and last name, thankfully that account doesn't go away for 6 months, but I went ahead and created a new email using my fiance's name, but don't want to give it to people until it's really my name you know? So yeah, that parts tricky.

    Also, in your case since parents are for waiting, I would respect their wishes.  When you get married this young you want to keep parents and future in-laws happy.
  • I just got engaged on Friday. We are both students, however, we are both financially independent from our parents, and have been for some time.

    I think that if your parents are paying your bills (I'm not saying that they are, but I don't know what your definition of financially independent is) then the choices that you make, unfortunately, affect them as well. You DO, to a degree, have to take into account what they have to say about it.

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  • I am divorced but kept my ex husbands name bc we have a child together. I am slated to graduate in May and I want my "new" last name on my diploma not my exhusbands. We know this will put undue stress on our fiances but its important to me.
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