Wedding Recap and Withdrawal

How much money did you receive as gifts?

Maybe this is a weird/prying question, but FI and I are dirt-poor college students. If we don't get enough money from guests as wedding gifts, we can kiss any honeymoon plans goodbye. We might even have to dip into my savings to fly back home.
So how much did you get from your guests? And how many guests did you have?
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Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?

  • I'm sorry but this floors me.  You have planned a wedding and didn't budget in your travel back home?  If you can't afford to fly home, you can't afford to blow any wedding money on a honeymoon - you need to save it for emergencies!
  • Well I'm not going to share how much we received in gifts because that will have absolutely no bearing on what will happen in your situation. Depending on your area, cash gifts may be 100% what you receive (our situation), only 50% or barely any. It is totally regional. How much you receive also varies on how much of your close family can attend, what is commonly gifted in your area and the financial situation of those attending. You cannot predict it. 

    Most importantly, as PP mentioned, if you can't afford to fly back home right now, then you are spending more than you can afford on your wedding. With only 1 month to go, there might not be much to do other than cut unnecessary expenses such as favors and extra decor. Plus work more to save more. You can NOT bank on people giving you gifts. There are some women here who receive little to no gifts and other more fortunate like myself who received way more than we expected. Don't plan on it.
  • Yeah, I'm with PP. I say put most wedding money in savings, buy what you need for the house with some, and postpone your honeymoon until you can afford it.

    We got enough to complete our registry, and upgrade things on our honeymoon. We planned to pay for it all ourselves, because we didn't expect other people to pay for something that we wanted.
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  • Ditto PPs. You cannot expect your wedding guests to foot any of your travel expenses. Any travel costs should have been included in your overall wedding budget. Additionally, there is no "standard" amount of money that you should expect to receive from guests; this will differ depending upon where you live, the people you know, etc, etc. 

    If you can't afford a honeymoon right now, consider taking a large trip for your first anniversary or something of that nature. This will give you something to look forward to.
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  • If you can't afford a HM.. or to fly back home.. How are you affording college?

  • Ditto PPs.  If your wedding budget didn't include flights home, you need to take a step back and really see where - even with a month to go - you can scale back your budget.  DH and I did not take a honeymoon immediately after our wedding and still haven't; DH started a new job just before our wedding and didn't want to take time off right away.  Now, it looks like our honeymoon will be an anniversary trip, maybe this year, maybe in a couple of years so we can do something long and exotic.

    Honeymoons aren't required and you shouldn't be banking on your guests funding it (or your flights back home).  Don't expect monetary or physical gifts.  DH and I were floored by people's generosity at our wedding but it was completely unexpected.  We got more monetary gifts than physical, but we had not allocated the money we received for anything.
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  • id012id012
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    member
    I cant believe someone would ask this questions. Its possiably the rudest thing you can ask. But maybe internet forms are different
  • In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    If you can't afford a HM.. or to fly back home.. How are you affording college?
    Posted by firsttimersluck
    This.  This, this, this, this, this, this, THIS!

    Also, I don't know about you, but my mother taught me that it's NEVER polite to ask about how much money someone recieved.  Good gravy!
  • If you can't afford to fly home from wherever your wedding is, you should probably get married at home. How would you not budget your transportation costs in? Also do not plan a HM and then hope you get money to pay for it. You can always take a trip later down the road. Frankly from what you've posted, it sounds like any money you DO get could better serve you in your bank or savings account right now. That's where all our wedding money went.


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  • EK2013EK2013
    100 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    member
    edited July 2012
    In Response to How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    Maybe this is a weird/prying question, but FI and I are dirt-poor college students. If we don't get enough money from guests as wedding gifts, we can kiss any honeymoon plans goodbye. We might even have to dip into my savings to fly back home. So how much did you get from your guests? And how many guests did you have?
    Posted by PeanutThomas
    I feel sympathy with your brokeishness because I'm currently on the job hunt. However, as soon as you start wondering how much your guests are going to give you, you're setting yourself up for a bad, stressful time. Here's why:

    If you and your FI are dirt-poor college students, I'm going to guess that at least 10% of your guest list are also near that dirt-poor college student demographic. If you did invite age-mates, do you want to set yourself up to be mad at them if they gift you something small and heartfelt rather than writing you a check (or writing you too small a check)?

    Oh, and also, you'll be stressed if anyone on this board tells you how much they were gifted if they had equivalent guest numbers but received more (or mad at your guests for not being "equally generous").

    At this point, you should kiss honeymoon plans goodbye for now. You cannot budget around gifts you haven't been given yet. If you can plan on the fly, you can take a honeymoon soon after the wedding, and scale it to however much you receive. If not, PP's suggestion that you save for a first anniversary trip is very appropriate.

    You could also take stock of anything you legitimately own--bikes, tvs, couches, whatever--that could bring in some money on Craigslist or Ebay and see how much you can raise toward your honeymoon.

    Good luck.
  • Holy cow. I knew asking financial questions was a little dicey in terms of ettiquette, but I had no idea I'd be raked over the coals for this.
    I'm paying for college through an account (forget what it's called) that I can't touch except to pay for tuition.
    We took another hard look at the budget last night and there is enough to get us there and back, but only just.
    We haven't actually planned anything for the honeymoon. No reservations, nada. So we're not counting on taking a honeymoon after the wedding, if we ever get to take a honeymoon.
    How did we not budget in transport costs in the first place? We're dumb college students, apparently.
    This is the first and last time I'll ever post here. I thought this board existed partially for already-married Knotties to help other brides. Apparently it's just to make them feel really terrible about themselves.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    You wouldn't be feeling as bad about yourself if you hadn't asked such a rude question to begin with.  You knew it was dicey, but you asked anyway?  Okay.

    So you forgot to budget in for something important.  It happens.  It just means that you go back over your budget and cut here and there until you figure it out, which is what you're doing.  So why even ask?

    No one has to get you a gift, cash or otherwise.  And a honeymoon isn't required, especially not right away. You can save up and go on one later, or just take a few days away together by car and do fun stuff nearby - amusment parks, water park, tacky tourist attractions, hole in the wall restaruants, museums, lakes, whatever you have nearby.  Go camping, if you enjoy it.  Get a motel room in a city close by and just hang out and explore for a few days.  All of these count as honeymoons, and are inexpensive things you can do at the last minute IF you get a few hundred dollars in gifts.  The point of a honeymoon is to spend time together starting out your new life, which you can do just as easily in a hotel in your own city or in your own home as you can on a beach somewhere far away.
  • Based on how much we spent on our wedding, we didn't receive half of that in monetary gifts. With that being said, you can always take a honeymoon later. Plan the wedding you can afford whether it's a 5k wedding or a JOP wedding.

  • EK2013EK2013
    100 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    member
    edited July 2012
    In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    Holy cow. I knew asking financial questions was a little dicey in terms of ettiquette, but I had no idea I'd be raked over the coals for this. I'm paying for college through an account (forget what it's called) that I can't touch except to pay for tuition. We took another hard look at the budget last night and there is enough to get us there and back, but only just. We haven't actually planned anything for the honeymoon. No reservations, nada. So we're not counting on taking a honeymoon after the wedding, if we ever get to take a honeymoon. How did we not budget in transport costs in the first place? We're dumb college students, apparently. This is the first and last time I'll ever post here. I thought this board existed partially for already-married Knotties to help other brides. Apparently it's just to make them feel really terrible about themselves.
    Posted by PeanutThomas

    The reason I posted was not to make you feel bad about yourself. It's because some brides are gifted a couple hundred dollars and some are gifted tens of thousands of dollars and, at the end of the day, those gifts come from people whose feelings will be hurt if you indicate that you wanted or expected more.
  • You cannot calculate cash gifts (if you get any at all) by what other brides have received.  Too many variations here like number of guests, how generous these guests are, if they are gift givers, cash givers, or people who just show up without even a card.

    We did not have the money before the wedding for a fancy honeymoon so we did not plan on going anywhere.  Yes we did receive some cash but the bulk of it came from our parents and siblings.   We stayed close to home and enjoyed things like going out to a fancy dinner.  Would I have preferred a trip to Maui?  Of course, but we have been before and we will go another time when we have the extra cash to enjoy great activites like paddle boarding, dinner cruise, parasailing, and exciting restaurants.  I could not imagine taking a trip with only enough cash to get there and back.  Boring and a waste of money.   Take your time to save the cash to have a better vacation at a later date.

  • Something else to think about, with you just starting out I think you will get more gifts then money. I know if I was going to a young couple's wedding I would give a gift, if it was for an older more established couple I would give money, thinking that they would have everything they would need for their home.
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  • man i wanted to read this to see what people got in $$ terms cuz im always curious about it as in average..... shoudl ahve thought she would have just gotten chewed out.. its liek people who ask how much was ur house or how much u make.. ive never been like that and could care less if u know how much money i got at my wedding, birthday, at my job.... i havent had my wedding yet but my family just gives gifts so im hoping for at least 2g. thats a low balll, i get about 400 on my birthday and i make about 30 a year :) its not that serious people
  • In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    man i wanted to read this to see what people got in $$ terms cuz im always curious about it as in average..... shoudl ahve thought she would have just gotten chewed out.. its liek people who ask how much was ur house or how much u make.. ive never been like that and could care less if u know how much money i got at my wedding, birthday, at my job.... i havent had my wedding yet but my family just gives gifts so im hoping for at least 2g. thats a low balll, i get about 400 on my birthday and i make about 30 a year :) its not that serious people
    Posted by boomboom1243
    OFFERING that information yourself is not a problem.  ASKING for that information from other people IS.
  • In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    man i wanted to read this to see what people got in $$ terms cuz im always curious about it as in average..... shoudl ahve thought she would have just gotten chewed out.. its liek people who ask how much was ur house or how much u make.. ive never been like that and could care less if u know how much money i got at my wedding, birthday, at my job.... i havent had my wedding yet but my family just gives gifts so im hoping for at least 2g. thats a low balll, i get about 400 on my birthday and i make about 30 a year :) its not that serious people
    Posted by boomboom1243
    Just because YOU don't care if you are asked that and would readily supply that information doesn't mean other people want to, and it doesn't make it not rude to ask. Asking how much someone makes or what they paid for a house is rude, especially if you don't know the person (like OP asking Internet strangers), but still rude if you do know them. If you want to volunteer that info, go ahead, but getting bent out of shape when someone asks me a rude question is entirely normal. Chewing with your mouth open is rude. Just because it doesn't bother some people, doesn't mean it still isn't rude and you probably shouldn't do it around someone if you don't know if they will find it rude.


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  • In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    man i wanted to read this to see what people got in $$ terms cuz im always curious about it as in average..... shoudl ahve thought she would have just gotten chewed out.. its liek people who ask how much was ur house or how much u make.. ive never been like that and could care less if u know how much money i got at my wedding, birthday, at my job.... i havent had my wedding yet but my family just gives gifts so im hoping for at least 2g. thats a low balll, i get about 400 on my birthday and i make about 30 a year :) its not that serious people
    Posted by boomboom1243


    I personally have no problem with internet strangers asking such questions.. We choose whether or not to answer them. That's the beauty of the interwebs :o
    I don't think that's what is upsetting people for the most part.. It's more about expecting some random number because they have such poor financing abilities. 
    And it's ridiculous to me that OP to think that asking a bunch of people with all different backgrounds, from all different locations, with all different numbers of guests what they made off their weddings. It's one thing to ask for sheer curiousity, and another to think that asking such a question should ACTUALLY help her know what to "expect".
    If you can't afford to take a trip you can't afford to take a trip. OP should be thankful that she even gets to spend time with her H after the wedding. Some of us didn't get such time ;) 

  • grcrociogrcrocio
    10 Comments
    member
    edited July 2012

    Sorry you got chewed out. To answer your question we got a little bit over $3000 total head count was about 150 guest. I hope this helps.

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  • In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    Sorry you got chewed out. To answer your question we got a little bit over $3000 total head count was about 150 guest. I hope this helps.
    Posted by grcrocio
    But you can't go by this..I invited 200 people and we were given a little over 200.00 so you really can't go by what other people get..
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  • In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    Holy cow. I knew asking financial questions was a little dicey in terms of ettiquette, but I had no idea I'd be raked over the coals for this. I'm paying for college through an account (forget what it's called) that I can't touch except to pay for tuition. We took another hard look at the budget last night and there is enough to get us there and back, but only just. We haven't actually planned anything for the honeymoon. No reservations, nada. So we're not counting on taking a honeymoon after the wedding, if we ever get to take a honeymoon. How did we not budget in transport costs in the first place? We're dumb college students, apparently. This is the first and last time I'll ever post here. I thought this board existed partially for already-married Knotties to help other brides. Apparently it's just to make them feel really terrible about themselves.
    Posted by PeanutThomas

    I agree! You didn't ask this question, so that people can teach you a lesson. All you wanted was an answer. If they don't have an answer, then they can move on. I was actually interested in a real answer myself, just out of curiousity. I honestly don't think it's a terrible question, this is just an internet forum. I've seen people ask far worse...

    Knottie88637762
  • edited July 2012
    In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts? : I agree! You didn't ask this question, so that people can teach you a lesson. All you wanted was an answer. If they don't have an answer, then they can move on. I was actually interested in a real answer myself, just out of curiousity. I honestly don't think it's a terrible question, this is just an internet forum. I've seen people ask far worse...
    Posted by keringtonp
    But the point is the answers don't matter! Our guests are not your guests. One person could say they got $5000 for their wedding. How does that help you? That does not mean you will get $5000 from your guests. Another person may say they got $500. That doesn't mean you will. Every single person on here had different guests at their wedding, so what a random sampling of Internet strangers would say doesn't have any bearing whatsoever on what you or OP can expect to "make" at your wedding.

    Besides that, OP admitted this was a weird and prying question. We affirmed that it was. She put something out there, and you can't control the responses you get on an Internet forum, like them or not.


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  • EK2013EK2013
    100 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    member
    edited July 2012
    I know someone who made over $15k for a 120 person wedding. I won't. It doesn't do me any good to know that that person made $15k, know what I mean?
  • boomboom1243boomboom1243
    100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    member
    edited July 2012
    basically i hate these forms because of this reason.... you dont like somehting dont feel the need to tell them why they are rude, U guys can be total mean girls like really you see somehting you wouldnt awnser THEN DONT ripping people apart is RUDE and mean and horrible. and dont give me any of this we were just trying to help her crap cuz you werent you ripped her apart for even HAVING a wedding AND GOING TO COLLEGE!!! are you serious its called  loans you dont pay till you graduate!!!  MEAN and shame on u guys
    Knottie74994482
  • Wow, I can't believe this bride was torn to shreds by asking a simple question that she was curious about. I thought this was a place where we could come to avoid being judged (like the rest of the world is always doing to brides/newlyweds). Clearly in the OP, she states that she HAS the money in her savings for a honeymoon, but was curious if she'd get enough monetary gifts from her guests to cover her ass. Trust me, I know how you feel OP, we're pretty much dirt poor, as well, but we're doing what we can, because this is something that we both passionately want NOW, not a year from now. Who knows if we will even live that long. I'm sure that you have both busted your ass to be able to afford the wedding in the first place, of COURSE you want to take your honeymoon afterwards to be able to relax. Maybe if you have some very close family or friends (that you KNOW won't be offended by this sort of thing) you could mention to them that you don't have any extra spending cash to do activities on your honeymoon and let them decide whether they want to help out with that or not. :) I wouldn't give up on what you want, money comes and goes, but experiences and memories never fade away. Yeah, you may have a bit of stress waiting for you at home after your vacay, but if you're like me, you'll regret not going more than you'll regret having to eat ramen noodles for a few weeks! :D Hope this helps.

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  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    omfg, get your butthurt selves to Wedding Bee if you can't handle getting real responses from people who realize that this is an inappropriate question with extremely varied answers.

    People are too damn sensitive around here.

  • In Response to Re: How much money did you receive as gifts?:
    I know someone who made over $15k for a 120 person wedding. I won't. It doesn't do me any good to know that that person made $15k, know what I mean?
    Posted by EK2013
    Wow, good for them. If they're in the NYC area, that doesn't surprise me at all. What does surprise me is that they shared that info with you. Only DH and I know how much we received in gifts. No one has asked & we wouldn't tell anyway. 
  • I agree, people are too damn sensitive about a silly little question that they DECIDE to respond to!!

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