Acceptable gap length?

Maggie214624 · April 2010

I have read some of the previous posts regarding the gap between the ceremony and the reception, but I was curious to know what you ladies think is an acceptable amount of time between the two. Specifically, I am trying to find out the amount of time (not including travel time) that would not be annoying to guests.

We have a ceremony start time of 2:00pm and we are told it should last around 45minutes. Travel time to our reception is about 15 minutes if you know where you are going. Did you notice guests after the ceremony leaving immediately for the reception or mingling for a little bit prior to heading to the reception?

Thanks in advance for your feedback! I am probably getting too analytical on this, but I am trying to start the cocktail hour/reception as late as possible without offending folks.

mbcdefg · April 2010

Our Nuptial Mass started at 2 p.m. and we were walking out in the recessional about 45 minutes later. We formed a receiving line and within about 20 minutes had greeted maybe 130 people.

We thought people would just leave for the reception, since we didn't have any kind of "exit" planned (like how some people hand out bubbles or birdseed), but they were all waiting outside the church. So DH and I walked out onto the steps, people clapped and took some photos, and then we awkwardly kept telling them that they were free to go, lol. Once the guests all left, we were left with the bridal party, their dates, a few friends and our parents, while we discussed who was coming in the limo and such. By the time we got in the limo, it was about 3:30, I think.

Our cocktail hour started at 6, but it took about 45 minutes to drive to the hall. Plus a lot of people booked a hotel nearby and therefore needed some time to check in and drop their stuff off.

Personally, I think it'd be fine to start your cocktail hour around 4 p.m.

akg0053 · April 2010

In most weddings I've been to, Catholic or not, the guests leave immediately after the ceremony to head to the reception site (especially if they think there might be parking issues).

As far as your gap goes, I think it all depends on your guests. If you're having mostly Catholics in attendance (your family, most friends, etc.) and they are used to gaps because of Catholic weddings, then I think you could get away with a small 30-45 minute gap maybe.

From my guest list, only a few people are Catholic and have no concept of a gap at all. Therefore, having a gap would have been found to be annoying and rude, so we did everything we could to avoid one

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[Deleted User] · April 2010

Our wedding is a full nuptial mass at 1pm and the we plan on doing pics afterwards bc we aren't going to be seeing each other b4 the wedding. No receiving line, our priest does not allow it, so we will introduce everyone at the reception. I am having the appetizers/hor'dourves start at about 2:45 pm since it is a short drive to the reception from the church. Dinner will be at 5pm with the salads being brought to the table around 4:30. When we get there, the DJ will introduce us and the WP and then we will take our seats, and go from there.

I was freaking out about it as well, but after I finalized everything with our reception site, she calmed my nerves and I think everything will be just fine. I am sure yours will as well. Good luck

GulfCoaster · April 2010

If I were you, I'd start the cocktail hour(s) around 3:30. If you're done at 2:45 with the ceremony, guests probably will start leaving around 3 after you're done with a receiving line or whatever, and if they head straight to the reception site, they'd begin arriving between 3:15 and 3:30. To be kind to them, please try to minimize the amount of time they'd have to wait around with nothing to do.

My friend tried to have a wedding with a 2-hour gap. That didn't work out very well, because most of the guests just went straight to the reception site 30 min away anyway (there was basically nowhere else in this small town to go). The reception site was nice enough to let them in, but they all sat there for an hour and a half before the cocktail hour could start. By the time the cocktail hour did start, a lot of her guests were already bored and ready to leave. That wedding reception remains the shortest dinner reception I've seen -- the guests started leaving shortly after dinner, and everything was over in 2.5 hours after the bridal party had arrived at the reception. I think a major contributor why was because the guests been at the reception site with nothing to do for almost two hours before the reception started.

A lot of people -- Catholic and non-Catholic -- aren't used to gaps or don't like them, and they'll probably just head straight to the reception from the church after you finish a receiving line or whatever other "exit" you have planned. So I think you should probably start the cocktails around 3:30.

penguingal06 · April 2010

Should I just take it on previous experience with these boards then that I am being exceedingly rude by having a gap between our wedding and the reception?

Due to the normal mass schedule of the church, we have to have our nuptial mass start at 130. Assuming an hour and change for the wedding itself, that means the guests would be leaving at 3 at the latest. Unfortunately, our reception site (about 5 minutes away) will not let ANYONE, including the caterer, in until they close at 4. (it is an art gallery.) As such, the cocktail hour won't start until 530. Should we be worried about this?

The hotels are very close to the church and reception site, we plan on giving guests plenty of ideas of things to do during the gap.

Maggie214624 · April 2010

Thank you all for the great input/advice. It is great to hear from those who have first hand experiences with the timing, etc. FI and I have some logistics to figure out. Thanks again!

Calypso1977 · April 2010

your reception should ideally start immediately following the ceremony. i'm a catholic, and have never heard of a gap until i came on teh Knot.

if you cannto find a reception locatoin taht will allow you to start at 3 or 330, then yhou should consider doing a morning wedding with a lunchtime reception. IMO, wanting an evening wedding or even a specific reception venue does not justify making your guests wait around hours after the ceremony ends.

agapecarrie · April 2010

In my area, and culture and family, weddings are huge events that everyone expects and plans to be day long adventures. The would plan on having a decent amount of time in between the mass and reception in order to do something. It would actually be considered rude to make the "gap" (never heard this word before) smaller. Meaning, there's time to stand around for an hour, but not enough time to do anything. I am in a metro city with lots of free, historical, charming places to visit, so this makes that time enjoyable rather than annoying. Just a different perspective. Its expected here.

akg0053 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_acceptable-gap-length?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ae2c8f6-2127-475f-ac81-a7bd297e8fe6Post:6ac34d04-6d2b-4c15-890f-7fc115134cb7">Re: Acceptable gap length?</a>:
[QUOTE]Should I just take it on previous experience with these boards then that I am being exceedingly rude by having a gap between our wedding and the reception? Due to the normal mass schedule of the church, we have to have our nuptial mass start at 130. Assuming an hour and change for the wedding itself, that means the guests would be leaving at 3 at the latest. Unfortunately, our reception site (about 5 minutes away) will not let ANYONE, including the caterer, in until they close at 4. (it is an art gallery.) As such, the cocktail hour won't start until 530. Should we be worried about this? The hotels are very close to the church and reception site, we plan on giving guests plenty of ideas of things to do during the gap.
Posted by penguingal06[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Could you provide some sort of entertainment for the guests between the time? Is there some sort of outside courtyard area to do something in? If not, giving them ideas would be fine if you have no other option.

</div>

akg0053 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_acceptable-gap-length?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ae2c8f6-2127-475f-ac81-a7bd297e8fe6Post:1fd44d22-3487-4e07-b4c4-3a10a5f5e5e1">Re: Acceptable gap length?</a>:
[QUOTE]your reception should ideally start immediately following the ceremony. <strong>i'm a catholic, and have never heard of a gap until i came on teh Knot.</strong> if you cannto find a reception locatoin taht will allow you to start at 3 or 330, then yhou should consider doing a morning wedding with a lunchtime reception. IMO, wanting an evening wedding or even a specific reception venue does not justify making your guests wait around hours after the ceremony ends.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

<div>Really? In my area this is a really common problem. The result is usually people waiting around a long time, people skipping the ceremony and coming straight to the reception, or Friday weddings (in our case).</div>

ootmother2 · April 2010

We hosted a suite with wines, soda, water, fruit & cheese, etc for the 1 1/2 hour gap. The suite was on the grounds of the CC where the reception was to be.

Cocktails started at 5:00, Intros and dinner at 6:30.

You really should try to entertain your guests if you have an unaviodable gap

MissAngel · April 2010

For those that entertained their guests during this gap in an area where gaps are acceptable... I'm curious to know how many people showed up to your extra event?

Because of reading all this "gap" conflict on the board, I had considered doing a suite with wine, cheese, etc... until FMIL and my Mom both told me to save my money because no one would show up. Almost everyone would go home or to the hotel that they stayed at until the reception began and would be more annoyed that they were waiting around for an hour or so while the wedding party took pictures just for an early reception with less food.

So I was just wondering, what percent of your guests showed up to the "gap" event.

Riss91 · April 2010

I attended a wedding that had a 3 hour gap. They communicated through their invites, website, word-of-mouth, programs and had an announcement at the end of the ceremony that there would be a hospitality suite at the hotel (and what room # it was) with food and drinks. I think about 50 people out of 150 were there when I went. This wedding had about 80% of the guest list staying overnight at this hotel and the reception was also held at the hotel.

Our wedding had about a 45 minute gap. We included information in our program about where guests could go (hotel, other downtown places on the way to the reception hall). We also had told most of our guests in advance about these places. We had about 60% of our guests staying at the hotel and we offered complimentary trolley service from our hotel to the reception, so most of them just went there in-between (the hotel had a bar/lounge in the lobby). I'm not sure how many of the other guests stopped somewhere in-between, but we didn't really pay for anything, so it wasn't like we would have been out any money...

mica178 · April 2010

I've been to weddings with 1-2 hour gaps (I skipped the wedding with a 5 hour gap), and I have never heard of people hosting events for the period in between before TK. Usually the B&G offer a list of suggestions of things to do during that time. That time is also useful for getting gas or dropping the kids off at home, etc.

ootmother2 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_acceptable-gap-length?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:1ae2c8f6-2127-475f-ac81-a7bd297e8fe6Post:fa88394c-b22d-4826-a80c-7f088bb6b810">Re: Acceptable gap length?</a>:
[QUOTE]For those that entertained their guests during this gap in an area where gaps are acceptable... I'm curious to know how many people showed up to your extra event? Because of reading all this "gap" conflict on the board, I had considered doing a suite with wine, cheese, etc... until FMIL and my Mom both told me to save my money because no one would show up. Almost everyone would go home or to the hotel that they stayed at until the reception began and would be more annoyed that they were waiting around for an hour or so while the wedding party took pictures just for an early reception with less food. So I was just wondering, what percent of your guests showed up to the "gap" event.
Posted by MissAngel[/QUOTE]

About 150 of the 200 guests came to the suites. The rest were local or had not yet checked into their hotels and used the gap time forthat

Jay+Marissa · April 2010

I think a hospitality suite is a good medium. A cocktail hour starting at 3:30 just seems so early, but that is just me.

kmg977 · April 2010

Gaps are very common were I am from and especially in my fiance's hometown. I actually am used to gaps and enjoy them. We usually go grab a drink and hangout and then head to the reception when it starts. I know when my fiance is from they like to have gaps because a lot of the guests are farmers and they can go check to make sure everything is fine on the farm. It's interesting to find out the differences, and depending on where you live what is considered normal and not normal.

andyandhillary · April 2010

We're having a 2 1/2 hr gap plus cocktail hour. Frankly, if you try to be hospitable in most ways and there is a gap I don't think there's a problem. Each wedding has something that people hate about it. Every bride likes to think everyone loved their wedding but that's just not the case. I am comfortable with our gap because my parents are providing light snacks at their home during the gap. It takes 15 min to get to our house from the ceremony and I didn't want people to have an awkward short gap. At least this way they can sit around and socalize for awhile.

As long as you let your guests know there is a gap and provide at least some ideas for them during the gap you're fine. Whether that is snacks like me or a list of fun things to do, I think you're fine.

banana468 · May 2010

After dealing with ugly gaps, I can tell you that if the couple hosted something in between, you can bet that I would be quite pleased and would be there faster than you can say "honey put some cheddar on my plate please."

cloud9brenda · May 2010

I dont agree that a gap is unacceptable. My cousin's had a 4 hour gap, and because i wanted to be a part of her day i didnt find it to be that big of an inconvenience, but of course i am local. If you have out of town guests and you have a gap longer than an hour i would just include a little card in the invite with some local points of interest where they can entertain themselves for a while. The gap at my wedding is going to be about 45 minutesto an hour, but our reception is in Santa Monica so guests can go sightsee and such.

Acceptable gap length?

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