Attire and Accessories

Should I wear white?

So I've started looking at dresses and my mom and I are already disagreeing.  ( I know, it's my wedding...lol ) I've liked the look of several dresses that aren't stark white,  like this little number from Nordies http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/la-femme-embellished-strapless-chiffon-gown/3316062?origin=category&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=297
 Kind of a white chiffon with a nude lining underneath. She claims "You deserve to white so you should wear it. I deserved to wear white so I did." Also, I come from a very traditional southern family where premarital sex is a big nono. I am worried some of my older relatives will say rude things or make assumptions and get upset. Unfortunately, that's the kind of family I have.... I really don't want their comments to ruin my wedding day. So do I wear what I want and worry about what they may say? Or do I have to wear a white dress I'm not totally in love with?

Re: Should I wear white?

  • When I looked at the dress you linked I thought it was white!  I really can't tell the difference between that "white" and what you are terming "stark white".  The dress is called white on the site you linked. Being a bride at 42 (no-one would even think that I'd be a virgin) I am wearing a white dress.  It's called a soft white.

    Do you really think wearing a soft-white dress would cause that much of a controversy in the family?  IMO it is really up to you to determine what you want to wear however if this would cause a family uproar you may want to take their feelings into consideration.

    There are many dress options out there - maybe you will find one in the "stark white" color that you will like.
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  • Explain to her that most brides don't look good in white due to skin coloring. Honestly, sometimes I had to ask "is this white or ivory" cuz it was soo hard to tell. I even tried on a champagne color dress that looked white until it was next to something.....

    chances are she wouldn't even notice.

  • I think that's a beautiful dress. Some people don't look good in stark white. That's a good excuse, but you should just try on all different shades of white and see what you like best. I wanted an ivory dress, but I got a sample and loved how it looked, but thought it looked way too champange in the store next to all the bright white dresses. now that its home it looks white, unless you hold something bright white next to it.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    Tell her that the dress is white, an off-white.  Off-white is a version of white so hence you are wearing white LOL!

    But really, I remember seeing something similar on SYTTD Atlanta where the grooms sister insisted that the bride wear white because she saved herself for marriage.  They kept on saying "she's a virgin so she should wear white!" over and over.  It was kind of embarrasing.

    And if any of your older relatives say anything rude to you at your wedding about you not wearing a stark white dress tell them that you were being preemptive since your virgin status will be null and void in a few short hours.

  • I sincerely doubt Great Aunt Elda is going to come up to you and say "OMG, your dress off white, you've had sex!' Also, your mom is cray-cray for thinking that.

    I bought an ivory dress because that's the shade that looked best on my skin tone, not because it had anything to do with my sex life.
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  • Hrm, this is a tough situation.  Honestly, only you can answer the question because only you know your family.

    If you honestly believe that your family will make rude remarks at you (which is truely aweful) and it will ruin your wedding day, you need to weigh that against how badly you want an off-white dress.

    Go with whatever is most important to you.  Unfortunately these types of decisions are part of weddings, I wish they weren't :(
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  • I thought the dress you picked out was very pretty! I think that the Disney "princess" wedding dresses you can find online are beautiful. Maybe look at those?
  • So if you are not a virgin, what is the corresponding color?  Red?  And how does your mother know anyway?

    Seriously, I can't believe we're still in the times where people attending a wedding are thinking more about "did they or didn't they" based on a color, for crying out loud.  I think you should wear whatever color you want to, be it any shade of white or any other color.
  • I think the whole thing is ridiculous, and you should wear whatever shade you want/whatever looks best with your skin tone.
    In my opinion, stark white dresses only look good on dark skin, and since I am a pale little ginger, I went with a darker ivory. But if you look at my pics NO ONE would accuse me of not wearing white.
    And a person's virginal status is NO ONE'S business except their own and their partners'. IF you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to keep your sex life (or lack thereof) private.
  • In Response to Re: Should I wear white?:
    Your mom is ridiculous. Wear what you want. FWIW, white dresses were originally wore by brides as a sign of wealth, not virginity, since it was impractical to have a white dress that could only be worn once. People used to get married in the best dress they had, no matter the color, or the status of their virginity.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds
    So true. In fact the 'virginal' color is blue, not white. That's why the Virgin Mary is so frequently depicted wearing blue, or rather, the fact that she was painted wearing blue is the reason its meaning was interpreted thusly.

    Queen Victoria kicked off the white wedding dress trend, by the way, so it's less than 200 years old as her wedding was in 1840.
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  • I feel like the dress you love is no different than ivory...wear what you want to wear. You can look at it two ways... If it wasn't "proper" to wear a not-stark-white dress, no one would make them, OR who cares what people think is "proper"? You get to pick what you wear on your wedding day. Your mom had the opportunity to dress you when you were five, and now her time is up.
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  • I just started reading "Offbeat Bride" by Ariel Meadow Stallings. I'm not a super offbeat bride, but there are some things that I like that are not too traditional. Maybe you would find this book helpful too? There are bits about how to handle families when you want something different than they do. (There is a website also, but it seemed a bit more extreme than the book.) I was considering an A-Line dress with an amazing train (and flowes on the hip) that my mom chose, until I realized that she was still seeing me as a 4yr old. It was cute. I don't see myself the same way she does. After she saw me in the dress I chose, she changed her mind about her pick and fell in love with my fitted mermaid... a far cry from her princess vision of me. Did your mom see you in the dress yet? That would be a starting point.

    Oh... or better yet, give her a shock with a blush pink dress or a short dress before putting on the gorgeous dress you like. It will give her a better idea of modern day dresses. Stark white is not good for most skin colors. Just tell her it is SOFT white. A word more comforting for her sensibilities than OFFwhite.
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  • wyneywyney
    10 Comments
    member
    edited August 2012
    You don't deserve to wear white.  You deserve to feel beautiful.

    [emphasis on the feeling beautiful.  I don't mean to suggest that you don't actually deserve to wear white]
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