Catholic Weddings

Communion Drama

*Sigh.*

Hello, everyone. I'm new, and I have a family drama.

I am a Catholic. My aunt, my mother's big sister, is an Episcopalian, and (since her daughter converted to Catholicism) a pretty anti-Catholic one at that. Now, she likes to show this not (in my presence) by saying rude things, but (in my presence) by belittling things that Catholics hold important. Such as, the distribution of communion only to members of the Catholic Church-- which she chose to ignore at the Baccalaureate Mass before my convocation from my BA.

So, now I'm getting married in five months, and I can only imagine that she's going to do the same. Should I just cut & paste the USCCB notice on communion into the program, and hope she did this in ignorance last time? (I doubt it, although it's possible...)

 Should I put something more pointed? (As my fiance converted from Anglicanism, I was thinking of putting, "please respect our beliefs, and the challenges we have faced to be able to receive communion together," but that might sound like he had to go kill dragons, rather than just sitting through four months of RCIA.)

Should I tell the priest, "under no circumstances give communion to the tall blonde lady with a beatific grin?" That will just create more drama, of course, when she is refused.

I love my aunt, and she's just getting battier and battier as she gets older (a tendency to which I can attribute some of this); all the same, if she does try to receive communion when we've put a notice in the program, I really don't know how I'll ever speak to her again. Other, of course, than shouting, "that's THE BODY AND BLOOD OF MY LORD you're desecrating there!"

She's my mother's elder by 11 years, so there's not much hope of her deferring to a polite request from my mother to please keep her opinions out of it, either-- if my mother would even ever have the courage to say something to her big sister!
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Re: Communion Drama

  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    There's not much you can do.  the priest at our wedding made a polite statement at the start, explaining communion and that only Catholics in good standing can receive.  Those that could nto receive we welcome to come up for a blessing.

    Your aunt's example is a blantant one, but the reality (unfortunately) is that there are many who receive, even Catholics, who arent in a state of grace (meaning, no mortal sins on their soule)  and really shoudlnt be receiving. 

    The priest, when dispensing communion, proceeds on the faith that those who are receiving have the right to receive.  I would talk to him about this situation and get his thoughts.  I'm not a fan of printing this in the program, and the responsibility lies with the priest, not you, to either inform folks of the "rules" or to ensure that he is passing out communion in accordance with the church.  Therefore, id speak wtih him and see if he thinks an announcement is in order.  this could very well be his standard practice.  Probably 75% of catholic weddings ive been too (and funerals), the priest makes a communion disclaimer.

    If your autn does march up and receive, that's her problem, not yours.  It doesnt lessen in anyway the sacrament you receive, although i understand your frustration.
  • edited December 2011
    I put something in the program for similar reasons.  We had this discussion here a few months ago, and a lot of people didn't agree with my choice to put the USCCB wording in the program, but my DH and I discussed it with the priest and reached the conclusion that with my family, it would be better if they were fore-warned.  (For the record, no one complained about the notice.  I had my anti-Catholic parents read it, and they were like "oh, that's why non-Catholics aren't supposed to receive communion?"  They come from an open-communion denomination, and they really had no clue.  Anyway, even as anti-Catholic as they are, they thought the notice was fine and weren't offended by reading it.)

    The priest also made a brief announcement immediately prior to distributing communion, and invited those who could not receive communion to receive a blessing if they'd like. 

    Talk to your priest and ask him what he would suggest.  I'm sure he's handled similar situations before. 
  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would personally leave it alone. I don't think it would do anything except give her more attention (which she probably wants) if you made a specific disclaimer. Like PPs said, talk to your priest ... maybe there is a generic statement that he makes at weddings anyway.

    And if she receives anyway, then she's technically hurting nobody but her own soul ... I can understand being frustrated that she won't respect your religion, but she will also only frustrate you if you allow her to. When your guests line up for Communion, place your focus elsewhere ... sit back and enjoy the Communion hymn, close your eyes and pray, or look over and smile at your new husband.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with pp.  Talk to the priest and let him make the statement he would normally make for such occassions.  The only person who may be able to help your aunt understand is your mother and there really isn't any point in casuing her unnecessary stress.
  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP -- talk to the priest and have him make the announcement before communion.  Barring that, there isn't much you can do.  I think that instructing him to deny communion to your aunt will only result in her making a complete scene at the front of the church in the middle of communion -- hardly what you want on your wedding day.  Good luck!
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  • Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There's so much other stuff than this that you could be stressing out about. Imagine if you were the priest and you found out that you had given communion to lots of people that weren't baptized. Would you get this upset? Most likely, you wouldn't. 

    My suggestion: Have the preist ask all those who are not in the Catholic faith to come up for a blessing and to cross their arms over their heart.  Put this in the program as well.  At my church, they say this everytime. This way, everyone is invited to come up and either recieve a blessing or communion and no one feels excluded. 

    If your aunt gets communion anyway, say nothing and do nothing. Not even after the wedding.  She understands what she is doing and it is her sin, not yours.  Try not to take it as a personal affront to you. Just forgive her and enjoy your wedding day. In fact, I recommend that during communion, you keep your head bowed while praying the entire time so that you can't even see what she's doing and therefore it won't upset you.

    Under no circumstances should you tell the priest to not give communion to her. 
  • edited December 2011
    Here's my take on it. If she was taking the Host and tossing it on the floor, or spitting it out in a blatant "eff you" to the Catholic faith, then I'd give the priest a heads-up that Auntie might be trying to pull some silly stunt and to watch out.  HOWEVER, if what you're saying is that your aunt is poo-pooing the Catholics-only aspect of receiving communion by marching up to receive although she's not Catholic, then I'd leave it alone.  As others have said, that decision is between God and her.  You shouldn't be playing spiritual referee on your wedding day.

    Good luck.
  • MorfuddMorfudd member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Okay, so I wrote a post agreeing with all above, and then it never uploaded.

    Thank you all for making me see I was being far less than charitable-- another failing to pray about.

    I'll talk to the priest, he will have experience with this.

    Thanks again.
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  • ktv312ktv312 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Just make sure she won't suddenly decide to desecrate the Host. That would be absolutely horrible! At my church the sacristans watch for anyone who does not consume the Host immediately. They literally chase after you if it doesn't make it into your mouth within a few seconds. If you think she'd pull a crazy stunt, and don't have sacristans at your church, have someone from the church on hand to keep an eye out and they'll deal with it. It will cause a scene, I guess, but you just can't let her go batty and throw the communion on the ground or toss it in her purse.

    If she's just going to consume it, I don't know if there's anything you can do besides pray for her.

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