I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.

Lenore2010 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bitch-just-want-smack-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f439fab-ec88-45bf-85d5-674f0b70d106Post:ee0c5973-4d11-411b-9b04-cc2f3909980b">Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree jas, looking is one thing. But touching? Ew, no, don't come home and rub up on me after some stripper has been grinding on your lap. The thought grosses me out. My mom used to freak me the hell out as a kid and teen by saying that any time you have sex with someone, you're having sex with anyone they ever slept with. It was her logic for making sure I didn't become a tramp, I guess, but I think it scarred me for life.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

That became a mantra in the 1980's to deal with the spread of AIDS and other STI's. She was probably petrified something like that would happen to you. I feel for you though on being freaked out-kind of glad I was an adult before I heard that line!

eastunder1 · August 2010

I'm not bothered by strip clubs themselves. I wouldn't care if Mr Eastunder went with buddies and had drinks and just watched them dance. Likewise, I wouldn't expect him to care if I went to one of those ridiculous Chippendale shows with my girlfriends. I've been to strip clubs in groups, with and without Mr E and its more just about the group bonding and novelty of being in a strip club then the girls themselves. My line is touching and the physical closeness that comes with dances and private rooms. That's crossing a boundry that isn't acceptable to our relationship, because that should be an experience that is exclusive to each other and no one else. Thats where I jump ship on the "being cool about it," and mighty fast at that.

I agree that it is nice to see differing opinons on the subject, instead of there being one party line that everyone defiantly rallies behind like the days of yore. I knew exactly what you meant when you said that, OWN

Lenore2010 · August 2010

Wow. I understand everyone's POV on this one. I do not care at all about strip clibs and if my H went to one, it is far beyond my frame of thought to mind.

I agree with Heels that if a lurker had come to SB and made that post, she would have gotten the STFU treatment, almost definitely.

On the other hand, I think she really was just venting, and some people are a lot more upset about the whole stripper/bach situation than I ever be. She really does not come off as super whiny or anything.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bitch-just-want-smack-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f439fab-ec88-45bf-85d5-674f0b70d106Post:7cc3d34b-bc9e-4746-a13b-37819488d891">Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.</a>:
[QUOTE]You're weird for lots of other reasons, though. ;-)
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Haha, I can't even argue with that one either! :)

ricksang · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bitch-just-want-smack-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f439fab-ec88-45bf-85d5-674f0b70d106Post:f1b56cdd-f253-4777-b261-079c30879543">Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her. : Ehh, for my H's bach party they got a stripper to come to his bff/BM's house. But more so because my H hates strip clubs and once the party got started the guys decided that it wasn't a bach party without a stripper. They did do body shots though. The horror.
Posted by raynes[/QUOTE]

Well that's rare, around here at least.

kathrynhabibti · August 2010

[QUOTE]And cue the obligatory "I LOVE strip clubs and I don't mind AT ALL if my H goes to one" one-upmanship. I don't. I hate them. I hate the idea of them and I was relieved to know that my H didn't want a bach party at all, much less one that involved strippers. I'm not particularly proud of that, but neither am I particularly ashamed of it. It doesn't make me a poorer wife or less of a good sport or anything like that.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

You're right; as PPs have mentioned, not in this particular thread, but in most other bach party threads there is loads of one-upmanship. I do think the "my FI has no interest in going to a strip club for his bach party, but even if he did I wouldn't care" responses are particularly special. How convenient for you that there's apparently nothing to worry about, but you can't throw even a little sympathy towards someone who's a bit freaked over it?

ETA: Don't get me wrong, I do understand that you can't make a grown man not go, and that you do have to trust that if they know your concerns, they'll do whatever the right thing is. But I also know from personal experience that that is easier said than done.... I don't know, I guess I just feel like there's not a lot of sympathy, and that girls are made to feel that there's something wrong with them for not being okay with strippers/clubs.

kathrynhabibti · August 2010

[QUOTE]I'm with you, OWN. I hate strip clubs and told H I didn't want any at his bach party. I honestly don't care if people think that makes me sound insecure or whatever else. Luckily I didn't have to worry about it. H had already told his best man that if any showed up he was leaving. But my H is the same way, he hates the thought of me getting all hot and bothered watching another guy strip. Fortunately for him I cringe at the very thought.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

I'm the same on every bit of this.

katiewhompus · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bitch-just-want-smack-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f439fab-ec88-45bf-85d5-674f0b70d106Post:58ed0886-a5cf-4b25-9a6b-4f3818276944">Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.</a>:
[QUOTE]You're right; as PPs have mentioned, not in this particular thread, but in most other bach party threads there is loads of one-upmanship. I do think the "my FI has no interest in going to a strip club for his bach party, but even if he did I wouldn't care" responses are particularly special. How convenient for you that there's apparently nothing to worry about, but you can't throw even a little sympathy towards someone who's a bit freaked over it? ETA: Don't get me wrong, I do understand that you can't make a grown man not go, and that you do have to trust that if they know your concerns, they'll do whatever the right thing is. But I also know from personal experience that that is easier said than done.... I don't know, I guess I just feel like there's not a lot of sympathy, and that girls are made to feel that there's something wrong with them for not being okay with strippers/clubs.
Posted by kathrynhabibti[/QUOTE]

Not in this thread, but that has definitely been the vibe of past threads relating to strippers. The second someone says they don't like strippers/porn/whatever they get jumped on for not being trusting, being controlling, clingy, etc.

You like it or you don't, just like everything else in life. Both are valid opinions.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bitch-just-want-smack-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f439fab-ec88-45bf-85d5-674f0b70d106Post:f118060c-5d96-4119-a5e6-16e2d1a50169">Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.</a>:
[QUOTE]Even if I DID have those insecurities I sure as heck wouldn't let my FI know...Insecurity is quite a turn-off.
Posted by ReneeJacob[/QUOTE]

I know I'm way late to this, but really? I think at the point at which you are ready to marry someone, worrying about whether or not something a turn off shouldn't be as important as talking about concerns you have (whether those concerns are silly or not).

[Deleted User] · August 2010

And can I add that I think I'm a mutant because I don't really care for strip clubs, but I couldn't care less about porn.I don't know why I separate the two. I just do.

I mean, if he had chosen to go to a strip club for his b party, I would have been okay with it, but I wouldn't want him going on the regular. Mainly because I would have a hard time understanding why he would want to go so much.

eastunder1 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bitch-just-want-smack-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f439fab-ec88-45bf-85d5-674f0b70d106Post:aa1239fa-8817-4939-a587-967ed3673b1c">Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.</a>:
[QUOTE]And can I add that I think I'm a mutant because I don't really care for strip clubs, but I couldn't care less about porn.I don't know why I separate the two. I just do.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I do too. Porn is a non issue for me. But I don't think one is even in the same ball park as the other. Pictures or videos of sex on a laptop screen =/= a sexual element of a real live person right in front of you. Apples and Oranges, eh?

killertomato47 · August 2010

I'm way late to the party here--but , honestly, the thing that bothered me about that thread the most wasn't the the stripper thing but the fact that it was "just not possible" for her to sleep without him in bed.

She had better hope he never gets a job that requires travel!

saschaduran · August 2010

I have been to strip clubs many, many times...with and without my H, throughout my life. And because I have been so many times, I can tell you without a doubt that it makes me uncomfortable.

You guys do know, that some men, do come in their pants after being grinded on long enough, right? At the very least, they are being dry humped through their pants while they are hard.

I am not cool with that. He can watch, but no dances.

polichik · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_im-bitch-just-want-smack-her?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f439fab-ec88-45bf-85d5-674f0b70d106Post:98b81118-850f-46b9-b868-cf44fbf83adf">Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.</a>:
[QUOTE]In all honesty, I get being a little apprehensive about bachelor parties that are at strip clubs and include dances and the like. I don't like the idea of other naked women grinding on my other half. Not because I think he would automatically cheat like it was some uncontrollable Pavlovian response, but because I just think that's inappropriate, juvenile behavior that is disrespectful towards the relationship. It is never appropriate behavior in any other scenario, why would it be in this one? But just your typical going out with the guys and getting smashed male bonding scenario? Yeah. Calm down.
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

I was about to type a response, but.... Yeah. Ditto.

polichik · August 2010

Sascha, I had heard that from a friend who used to work as a dancer. If somebody is legitimately fine with it, that's their business, but I roll my eyes every time I see something along the lines of "I'm so cool, I don't care if FI makes out with a stripper!" (Ok, exaggeration, but still). Since when do you have to be comfortable with your FI getting grinded on by naked women to be a good wife?

And the whole "don't show him your insecurities" thing is very, very odd. If you have to put a mask on in front of your FI, what does that mean for your communication? Or relationship in general?

I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.

Re: I'm a bitch... I just want to smack her.

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