Pre-Cana/EE/Wedding Prep

Riss91 · July 2011

Hey ladies - I am almost finished with the site! Woot!

Please provide any information you might have about required marriage prep including pre-cana classes, engaged encounters, etc. Websites with helpful info are also much appreciated!

Thanks!

lalaith50 · July 2011

What to wear (to all events):

"Normal" clothes? Like business casual. Nothing too dressy, and nothing too skimpy. (I'm surprised how often this one gets asked!)

What to expect at pre-cana:

Different people have different experiences. Most end up enjoying it more than they expected and learning at least something. (Hardly anybody "hates" it.) You'll probably learn and talk about different styles of communication, and there might be a portion where they talk about NFP and the Church's teaching. (sorry, not sure what else, cuz that's all they did at mine.)

What to expect at the first meeting with the priest:

Again, different priests are totally different. You'll have to fill out a questionaire and sign it (don't lie about anything!) the priest will ask you some questions, it will probably be pretty casual, but some people might start a bit more serious "marriage preparation" personal discussion. Some priests will lecture you if you're living together, and some won't care. Eventually you will need to provide a baptismal certificate from within the previous 6 months from your chuch of baptism, but you will be told when they need that by.

What to bring to any of these: Nothing? Maybe a water bottle or pencil? (but refreshment and writing utensils were provided to me at any event where I needed them.)

What does the FOCCUS test ask/determine?

You can't "fail" the FOCCUS test. It is basically just a test where the answers are "agree," "disagree" and "undecided" to determine what sort of issues are red flags in your relationship, or things you may not have talked about. (Try to avoid answering "undecided" cuz it doesn't make the results as helpful as they could be, but it's ok if you have to.)

Examples of questions are:

"There are qualities about my future spouse that I do not respect."

"I am concerned that our in-laws will interfere in our marriage."

"My future spouse and I can talk about our sexual fears."

"We are in agreement about how we will make financial decisions."

"I sometimes feel this may not be the right person for me to marry."

"We disagree with each other over some teachings of the Church."

"My future spouse and I agree that our marriage committment means we will pledge love under all circumstances."

So, as you can see, most of the questions either have to do with "have you talked about such and such issue," or else, "are there red flags that should be worked out before you get married."

Most people say that after taking the test, they found it helpful cuz it helped them realize that there were some important topics that they needed to talk about with their future spouse.

bibliophile2010 · July 2011

This is the website of information for the Diocese of Phoenix. I think that Denver has the same or similar requirements. It also outlines the three main "class" requirments.

https://www.ourcovenantoflovephx.org/

shawna127 · August 2011

Relax and above all don't lie. The Priest is there to help you, not attack you or make you feel bad so make sure to always be honest!

) (There are always a number of girls who ask if they should tell the priest that they are living together before marriage)

kaylaveronica · August 2011

We just signed up for the required retreat....its not until January. We have had two meetings with our Priest so far as well (total will be about 10 meetings by the time we are married).

So far we’ve talked about the reasons that are acceptable to use NFP to avoid pregnancy, the dangers of living together before marriage, the core teaching of marriage and the Church...etc. He asked us to read a book together: Marriage is for Keeps. Haven’t started it yet.

debbiem56 · August 2011

We have met with the priest twice, attended Pre-Cana, and did the Foccus Inventory, but the couple assigned to us from the Ministry to the Engaged, who are supposed to review with us the Foccus results and counsel us, have not yet contacted us, even though the priest has told me twice he would talk to them. The wedding is 11/5. Should I be concerned?

kaylaveronica · August 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_pre-canaeewedding-prep?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:f6036f20-d5c5-46b1-8b51-ce307ea7fc56Post:2270af9e-b1c9-4ea9-9019-cb89a701dd92">Re: Pre-Cana/EE/Wedding Prep</a>:
[QUOTE]We have met with the priest twice, attended Pre-Cana, and did the Foccus Inventory, but the couple assigned to us from the Ministry to the Engaged, who are supposed to review with us the Foccus results and counsel us, have not yet contacted us, even though the priest has told me twice he would talk to them. The wedding is 11/5. Should I be concerned?
Posted by debbiem56[/QUOTE]

<div>I don’t think so, plenty of time. Ours is two months after yours and we haven’t heard back from our couple either. Tell your priest at your next meeting about your worries though! I’m sure he help you get their butts in gear! hehe</div>

angeepangee · August 2011

My fiance and I did the Engaged Encounter weekend a few months ago. There were around 25 engaged couples and 2 married couples leading the weekend.

EE stared Friday evening and ended Sunday afternoon. It was jam packed with material and made for long days!

Each lesson (from a workbook) started with one of the married couples discussing the topic from a script they wrote themselves (to stay on time) and then the men and women split into different rooms and they individually answered the questions pertaining to the lesson. I believe they gave us 10 minutes to do that. Then, the couple reunited and discussed each other's answers and, if time was available, talked about any questions they have. The time goes by FAST!!!

I can't remember how many lessons there were, but it definitely is helpful if couples have not discussed the topics together before that weekend. My fiance and I discussed most beforehand, but we have some that we still want to revisit as we prepare for our wedding.

lmeade62 · September 2011

This was the second marriage for both me and my FI. After his annulment was completely done and mine was completed in the first instance, we were allowed to set the date for our wedding and have our first meeting with our priest.

We were required by the diocese to attend a one day Remarriage Seminar. Most of the couples there were not both Catholic (which was surprising). A lot of the time was spent with the two of us talking to each other about different questions. We also received a great book. We both really enjoyed it, though it was more generic and less Catholic than we envisioned.

Linda

sbp6798 · October 2011

My wedding is late July next year and we'll be having the ceremony in our hometown. Our priest, who has already agreed to do the ceremony, is from our undergraduate college and does not live there. We also are not currently in our hometown and not anywhere near our undergraduate college, as we are both studying for med school or graduate school. Suffice it to say, we do not have a home parish in our hometown or where we are living currently. How do we go about setting up Pre-Cana? Do we ask a priest in the town where we are now? Do it over the phone with the priest who is doing our ceremony? I'd love some advice!

Hilraythebride · January 2012

My fiancee and I just got back from out catholic engaged encounter today and we had a wonderful time. We were told by our priest that we could do either a pre-cana, which would take about eight hours and last one day; or we could do an engaged encounter which would last a weekend. After reading many reviews and looking up a lot of information, I thought the engaged encounter would be better for us because he is catholic and I am not. I wanted to find out more about the religion and the sacrament of marriage.

We had our weekend in Virginia Beach at the Cavalier hotel with the Richmond Diocese. They usually hold the weekends in Richmond but once a year hold it in VB which we wanted to jump on because we live about 20 miles away. Now onto the important stuff.

The weekend consisted of presentations from two different couples after which we were to write in our journals for about 20 minutes and meet up with our partner to discuss the answers for another 20 minutes. We were lucky enough to be able to have nice weather to sit out on the beach and write out responses than meet up on the beach and go over them. Living together for about three years made us both a bit hesitant at first for the weekend, we thought we had covered almost everything they could possibly discuss; although we had gone over a lot of it, it was reaffirming to us to be able to figure out that what we had initially said is what we meant. It was also very nice to have time allotted to specific subjects that we wouldn't have otherwise discussed; we both very much appreciated being able to talk about things in a non threatening and confrontational environment.

Yes, the days were long, but so worth it. On Friday we checked in at 7:30 and started right in on everything and went until around 10PM. Saturday morning started at 7:30 AM with a mass followed by breakfast; discussion and dialogue took up almost all of the day. We were given an hour break before dinner for reflection. Saturday night also ended around 10PM with a candle ceremony and prayer.

Sunday started at 8:15AM with breakfast followed by more talks and discussion at 9AM. The day ended around 3PM with a final mass at which I was asked to read scripture at. I was very nervous at first but was glad I did so afterward.

I would highly recommend an EE over pre-cana even if you are not catholic as it really gives you time to go into a deeper discussion about all the topics in marriage prep. If you do pre-cana please know that you will most likely leave with the want and need to go back to these topics before marriage, which may make it more hectic as it is obviously harder to sit down and put aside time for that kind of discussion in every day life. This is not to say EE is the end all be all but it is a start on the right track, and opens up discussion a little bit more than pre-cana would. I would also like everyone to know that EE DOES offer financial assistance for those in need. In fact, they do not turn anyone away who wants to go on one of these weekend retreats. Either the church will pay for a portion along with EE or one or the other with pay the full amount. The weekend for us costed a total of $325 for the couple. We felt we more than got our monies worth considering we stayed in a nice hotel, were provided 5 good meals, and given invaluable information. EE's slogan is a wedding is a day but a marriage is a life time, I thought this is so true and really helps to ground me when I get worried about everything wedding related. One more thing, we aren't super religious and don't even go to church every Sunday about 2/3 of people were like us and 1/3 of people were very religious so don't feel intimidated by that at all!

Blessings and best of luck to everyone!

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