Catholic Weddings

Nervous about NFP/counseling

Do they present NFP as something that everyone has to/should do or do they allow for exceptions?

I know I'm not doing it----as much as I know Jesus wants me to check my cervical mucus and temperature everyday---because I have to be on birth control anyways to control cysts. I probably wouldn't do it anyway, honestly. Either way you're trying not to have babies anyways so why go with the less effective/more difficult one with more room for error?

So what would they say to that? It seems like kind of a strict teaching and I suppose I could just sit there and nod but I would like to  take the whole thing seriously and be honest. I am very excited for the marriage counseling and talking to a priest and everything but am a little nervous---esp since the church's stance on certain things gets my blood boiling. I know a lot of other brides have felt they were being judged or are nervous about it and I've heard some horror stories myself. I mean the priest at my local church is off limits for me and my fiance because he told my cousin her granddaughter (who lives with her) couldn't be baptized there because her parents were drug addicts (which obviously isn't the three year old's fault, is something that will hurt her when she is old enough to understand, and she lives with her normal, loving grandparents now!)

So what has your experience been with these type of issues and who else is kind of nervous about being judged/feels they have to be dishonest in the process?

Re: Nervous about NFP/counseling

  • Calypso1977Calypso1977
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 2011
    the pill is allowed for medical reasons so you will be ok there.

    you should be open to learnign about this method tho.  there are many of us on here who practice it.  its extremely effective.

    regardless, do not be dishonest with or lie to your priest.  that is no way to start a marriage.
  • Calypso1977Calypso1977
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 2011
    oh, and the difference between teh two is that NFP does not use artificial means to prevent a pregnancy, whereas other methods do.  the church is not against planning pregnancy, it is against teh use of artificial devices in order to do so.

    as a side note, if you do hope to have kids some day, NFP will actually be able to tell you when you are fertile, which can be extremely effective for someone who may have a irregular cycles due to something like cysts.  it is a great tool for achieving pregnancy, as well as preventing.

    GL!
  • Riss91Riss91
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    Calypso is 100% correct. NFP is not less effective when it is correctly followed. It isn't really even more work than BCP - taking your temp takes less than a minute each day. But, the church accepts the use of BCP in your case, so you are fine there! Don't worry about it.

    Keep an open mind and use the NFP teaching to your benefit - you can learn a lot about your cycle/anatomy. There are many ladies on the nest using this technique that can attest to its success. Just get the most out of the classes that you can!

    Also, it is unfortunate that you have had bad experiences with certain priests (and sad how often we here of these "bad eggs"), but don't let one priest ruin things - there are plenty out there that are very helpful and caring.

    I also find that many people that get horrendously upset over certain of the church's teachings, were actually misinformed or never explained the reasoning behind the rule and what it means. So, I encourage you to ask questions regarding those issues because you may find that you agree with the foundation behin the rule and you might learn that you agree with some of those topics :-) Sorry I wrote a book!

    Best Wishes!
  • wednesday51wednesday51
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011

    Some good advice there, thanks. I definitely do not want to be dishonest with the priest but I think for me it is going to boil down to finding a compassionate one who I don't feel is judging me----unlike the one at my local parish. I really wanted to get married there too since my fiance and I went to school there together for 8 years. But knowing the priest there is such an awful person ruins it for me. 

    And I won't end up using NPF to prevent pregnancy but, you're right, it probably will be useful later down the line. I actually don't have irregular cycles (I don't have PCOS---might have endo) but I can see how using NFP would help someone in that situation.

  • edited December 2011
    I met with my priest for some preliminary stuff a couple weeks ago and one of my big concerns was the whole "how do I say I'm never having kids?" thing. We don't want children for one--I explained that we just don't feel a call to parenting, but also that due to financial reasons and health reasons, it was just not going to be in the cards (I will turn 40 three months after the wedding and have been advised by my doctor that pregnancy would not be good, plus by the time we could be in a better financial place, the health risks would be even more increased).  He is so nice and very understanding and basically said "well, you know, the thing to focus on right now is the first step which is your marriage, so you can deal with the other later." I was very grateful. I hope you can find someone you can talk to easily and feel comfortable with.
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  • scoffindafferscoffindaffer
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    All I can say is I wish I had known about NFP years ago--I started on the pill when I was 16 and was on 11 years before my FI and I decided to give NFP a shot. I was REALLY skeptical, but it has been such a life saver--I didn't realize how much they affected my mood.
  • edited December 2011
    Don't let your gyno tell you that cysts necessitate being on the pill for the rest of your life.

    That's basically what my gyno said, and I refused to accept it. I had crazy painful cysts, some blood-filled, and I eventually weaned myself off the pill and have been off of it since 2004, and been cyst-free.

    Gynos throw the birth control pill around like candy, like it's something that it's normal for women to be on for decades. They give it for every problem wthout even trying to investigate what some of the underlying causes are.

    Go see a good pro-life OB/GYN.... they are trained to treat problems like this by really looking into underlying causes and alternatives to the BC pill.
  • edited December 2011
    there is a little bit more to the class than just checking cervical mucous. It is just teaching how married sex should be... how and why of course...pornography or selfish sex isnt approved. it is very interesting. I dont think kyle looks at that stuff but I know I like sexy romance novels..which I guess to the church is the same.

    Anyway , they recognize birth control as ok for medical reasons. good luck
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  • edited December 2011
    i agree with sweetthing above - i did my thesis on nfp stuff and have bad period issues myself. birth control is not neccessary - and it's kinda a scary drug. if you really don't want to try something else, then get a pro-life catholic doctor to help you out. there are a lot of diff kinds of the pill, and the common ones all have abortifacients - meaning that they not only attempt to prevent conception, but also abort any eggs that have been fertilized - i.e., a baby before it gets a chance to implant. while its ok to take some kinds of pills for health reasons, this is NOT one of those kinds. make sure anything you take is non-abortifacient.

    also, i would majorly suggest trying the creighton method of nfp. this is a method that is super helpful in pinpointing and diagnosing problems in a women's period, much more helpful than just explaining that you have pain. by looking at this chart, doctors can tell things like if your progesterone levels are messed up and whether or not you will be likely to miscarry.  charting your cycle and going to an nfp doctor who knows what this chart means will give  you wayyy more info as to what is actually going on in your body, and therefore the doctor will be able to do a lot more for you. all they did for me is give me some birth control and say that there is no solution to bad periods. go to an nfp/creighton doctor. they will def do more than that.

    unfortunately the creighton method is not usually done by dioceses/local parishes, because it has to be taught by a licensed medical person, like a nurse at minimum i think. you can find a listing of teachers here: http://www.creightonmodel.com/teacherlocation.htm
    but if you talk to your parish priest, they will count it towards your requirement if you just show some proof you took it.

    this way, you could help your body out and do the right thing at the same time.  hope that helps :D
  • edited December 2011
    I was really worried about feeling pressured and intimidated - my husband's catholic, I am not - but totally did not have that experience.  I had my doubts about NFP, and was really nervous about being criticized, but everything was great throughout the marriage process.  NFP was discussed, of course, and they told us how to find out more but nobody got in my face and made me say whether I'd do it or not, or anything like that.  You don't want to lie to a priest, of course, but try to take a deep breath and not get riled up about your philosophical differences with the church before anything even happens...there's a good chance there won't be anything upsetting anyway.
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