Have you figured out

Smooch711 · February 2012

if you're including children for the reception?

I keep going back and forth with this. We're older (30 and 32) and lots of our cousins and friends have kids now. Is it awful to say that I really don't want them there? I absolutely don't have a problem with kids (do want them eventually), but I just want it to be about us, you know? Does that make any sense? (In the last year, so many babies have been born and have changed our relationships. Wow, this does sound awful of me!) But then when talking to a college friend who is OOT and has a child, she'll come but her husband won't if her son isn't included. I don't know what to do. I feel like most couples will want a night out without their children, but there are a few (like the one I mentioned) who will have to leave her family behind for a weekend, and I don't feel like that's right either. I know you can't please everyone, but still.

What are your thoughts and opinions on this subject?

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

We are not having kids at our wedding at all. We LOVE children and want our own eventually but if we are paying for four hours of a bar and a nice dinner, etc we want our friends to stay the whole time and not have to leave at 10pm to take their kids home. Plus once you start inviting kids, the numbers can get out of hand. We know this may prevent some OOT people from coming but we are trying to keep the headcount low so this is something we can live with. I don't see though why people can't come and find a babysitter to watch their kid(s) at the hotel. On our website I'm going to link to care.com and sittercity.com which are two sites that pair up babysitters and families. I personally use these sites to find one time jobs to make a little cash on the side and there are postings for people needing a babysitter at a hotel for a wedding ALL THE TIME. I recommend mentioning those sites or if you know any teenagers in your area from church/school/neighborhood that babysit and wouldn't be invited to the wedding anyways.

lbarr088 · February 2012

The only "kids" we are allowing are our ring bearers (they will be 3 & 4). There will be a couple high school aged teens (family of the ring bearers and 2 I used to babysit if they choose to come) but that is it. A lot of our family have young kids but we decided against it.

mamameech · February 2012

Well we couldn't leave my son at home alone (he'll be 6 haha) so we will have him and the flowergirl, but that's pretty much it for "little kids". We've only included the under 18 "kids" of family coming from out of town because it wouldn't be fair to make them travel and pay to stay in our city but leave their kids at home. The youngest out of those "kids" is 10 and the others run at 12-17.
We would have liked to include kids but we did not have the space. In our circles there are TONS of kids because most of our friends have kids between 0-8. It would have been great for my son, but just not feasible.
We hope to include all the kids in our "Jack & Jill" BBQ this summer. Have a big celebration for those of all ages

I don't think it's right or wrong to include kids or not to include them; it all depends on your preference and logistics.

smartlypretty · February 2012

The only "kids" we would have are about 5 kids from 10-16. We aren't 100% sure we are inviting them yet, so I just put their parents names on the STDs and didn't put the kids. That way, we can either add them to the invitation or leave them off. It's only 5 kids though so we will probably end up including them.

Edit: These kids are my second cousins- my dad's first cousin's children. So they really aren't very close to me. I would have definitely included kids that were first cousins or nieces and nephews or my best friends kids (I just don't have any).

Smooch711 · February 2012

Thanks for the input. We'll have to sit down and discuss more thoroughly. We're definitely going to have fiance's nieces and nephews there. Both sets of parents will be apart of the WP, and his two nieces are the FGs. I feel like I need to either cap it at that (which is what fiance is leaning towards, and I was at one point), or just include all children.

The college friend I'm referring to is from New Mexico - so she's thinking of plane tickets right now, and I'd like to tell her something soon. Her son is a great, well-behaved kid too. I'm just leary of allowing him, because then I have opened up the flood gates to everyone else (who aren't so well behaved!)

Anyone else getting sick of all these decisions upon decisons that us brides have to make!?

SCogs18 · February 2012

We are not inviting children to our wedding. The only ones who are welcome are immediate family (aka. our cousins/siblings). No exceptions. FMIL was pissed, but we aren't paying all that money for a 3 year old.

junebug19 · February 2012

We aren't inviting kids either, besides our FG and maybe my cousins daughters b/c they are coming from out of town. My grandmother & Mother were very upset about it, but we can only invite 200 and once we started compiling the list and saw that, on FI side alone, kids would make up over 1/4 of the guest list, they calmed down.

npott044 · February 2012

BOO... I am. My FI was so mad when I said I did not want children. So we are having children. But now I am trying to explain to him the address cost of having children and how we do not need to let his co-workers bring their children. I am okay with family but I am putting my foot down with everyone and their kids. That's why our guest list went from 180 to 215!!

CowgirlK39 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_september-2012-weddings_have-you-figured-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a464c18c-2e4d-469b-8eae-3865079cb9cfDiscussion:a44e12eb-335d-471e-a656-c77b7b82b1f4Post:a20b17df-f0d8-4b8d-bef4-f499f983e76e">Re: Have you figured out</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the input. We'll have to sit down and discuss more thoroughly. We're definitely going to have fiance's nieces and nephews there. Both sets of parents will be apart of the WP, and his two nieces are the FGs. I feel like I need to either cap it at that (which is what fiance is leaning towards, and I was at one point), or just include all children. The college friend I'm referring to is from New Mexico - so she's thinking of plane tickets right now, and I'd like to tell her something soon. <strong>Her son is a great, well-behaved kid too. I'm just leary of allowing him, because then I have opened up the flood gates to everyone else (who aren't so well behaved!) Anyone else getting sick of all these decisions upon decisons that us brides have to make!?
</strong>Posted by Smooch711[/QUOTE]

This is one of the reasons we settled on not having kids at the wedding. FI's boss has the worlds worst children, and they do nothing to control them. His 6 year old daughter says the F-word, calls people "b*tches" and punches and kicks. His son has down syndrome but is never watched. Many times they have lost him in public, and then tell others go find their child. I cannot STAND their kids.

The other reason we are not having kids is what you said above. If we allow a few, then others will come. Before you know it, the guest list is 2x as long. I posted a little bit ago about childless weddings, and after talking to my parents, we decided to make a cut off of 15 years old, no exceptions, simply because of cost and space.... and the boss's kids.

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

If you are having young kids, you should ask your caterer/venue if they offer kids meals. Our does for $25. Still ridiculous for some chicken fingers but better than an adults dinner they won't eat. I think the cutoff at our venue is under 10 or something like that. Worth looking into.

celticmyss · February 2012

We're not having any children at the wedding for a variety of reasons. The venue is really not kid-friendly and we're not having any dancing or anything else fun for them to do. Plus, at least one of FH's nephews is a hellion... I feel bad because my well behaved niece wants to come very badly, but I can't invite her and not the others.

The one likely exception is the baby FSIL is expecting about 3 weeks before the wedding. I assume she will need to bring him or her since the baby will be so young. I guess there is a chance she just won't be able to come depending on how things go.

AriesAngel86 · February 2012

We're having children only for immediate family and bridal party. It ends up being 7 kids (Fiance has 6 nieces ages 2-17... his family is very small and most are out of state so it would not be cool to not invite them). One of the groomsmen will have a 6month old baby at the time.

Smooch711 · February 2012

I appreciate all the imput, ladies!

volleygurl0306: I believe our venue has stated that all children 5 and under are free (which honestly, the majority of these kids will fall under this). And those aged 6-maybe 12 are half price. Of those kids, maybe we'd have to pay for maybe 3 or 4. Which is possibly crazy for me to get upset about, but I think underneath it all it's the feeling of the wedding (in my eyes) that might change if I allow all kids in. And ultimately, something I'm going to have to figure out which I value more. Grr!

volleygurl0306 · February 2012

I think if you have the idea of an elegant adult party, you need to nix the kids. Even though our venue has kids meals and we were trying to keep numbers down, we both ultimately wanted a great party where everyone was drinking and eating and not crying or throwing tantrums or leaving early. So if it's not a numbers or money issue, think about the kind of event you want your wedding to be. If it's a mature feel, I think it is okay to exclude the kids.

rbwashington2012 · February 2012

We cut off the number of kids for the reception which is 6 (two 10 year olds, two 11 year old and two 14 year olds). Two are my nephews who are part of the wedding, the others are children of two of my best friends that are OOT, one is my cousin's teenage son and the grandson of my FI aunt. My mother asked if a cousin of mine was invited and I flat out said no because of her hell raiser of a granddaugther she has. She is 3 years old and does not listen to anyone. I can not have that during the ceremony even if that part is short; let alone the reception. With the time of day the wedding is (12noon) most people I know that are parents will still be wrapped up in little league football season so they were cut from the list quickly. Even though we are not having a bar at the reception(more non-drinkers than drinkers) cutting out a lot of the people with younger children/grandchildren help with the headcount to keep it small.

Keyneky · February 2012

Well, we can't exactly leave our daughter (she'll be 1 1/2) home alone. Hehe Our reception will be ending at 10:30 anyway so young children are invited. I think you should do what feels right to you and then stick to it.

Have you figured out

Re: Have you figured out

Choose Another Board

Search Boards