Is this annoying or is it just me?

MyWedding13 · December 2010

So one of my bridesmaids is getting married some time in 2012 and has no date set. She lately has been calling me all the time to talk about her wedding and all of her wedding details, yet has no date, and has yet to ask about my wedding that she is in in 5 months. I asked her if she went and got fitted for her dress yet (meaning her bridesmaid dress for my wedding) and she was like, oh no fittings yet, I am just looking at dresses online. I was like what? And then she was like, oh I thought you were talking about my wedding dress. It's like she doesn't get that I am getting married before her. When I asked her (as I asked all of my bridesmaids) if they wanted to get their hair done and how much they were willing to pay for it, she was like, "you're so silly! I haven't booked my hair and makeup people yet!!". I mean, it is kind of comical but I am getting really irritated. The worst part is that this is FI's sister and normally we get along fantastically until he and I started planning our wedding. I don't get it. I was thinking of saying something like, "I'm really excited for you and your wedding, however, I have a lot to get done before my wedding. I will be more than happy to help you plan after I am married". Is that too rude? Should I say anything at all?

vegasgroom · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-annoying-just?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a7875e70-b7ba-4cb4-8d5c-cdb999043906Post:78602a1a-346b-4e50-a9be-967f56e7dc55">Is this annoying or is it just me?</a>:
[QUOTE]So one of my bridesmaids is getting married some time in 2012 and has no date set. She lately has been calling me all the time to talk about her wedding and all of her wedding details, yet has no date, and has yet to ask about my wedding that she is in in 5 months. I asked her if she went and got fitted for her dress yet (meaning her bridesmaid dress for my wedding) and she was like, oh no fittings yet, I am just looking at dresses online. I was like what? And then she was like, oh I thought you were talking about my wedding dress. It's like she doesn't get that I am getting married before her. When I asked her (as I asked all of my bridesmaids) if they wanted to get their hair done and how much they were willing to pay for it, she was like, "you're so silly! I haven't booked my hair and makeup people yet!!". I mean, it is kind of comical but I am getting really irritated. The worst part is that this is FI's sister and normally we get along fantastically until he and I started planning our wedding. I don't get it. I was thinking of saying something like, "I'm really excited for you and your wedding, however, I have a lot to get done before my wedding. I will be more than happy to help you plan after I am married". Is that too rude? Should I say anything at all?
Posted by MyWedding13[/QUOTE]

So you're upset that she's doing the same things that you were probably doing when you first started planning your wedding?

Who cares if she thinks you're talking about her wedding or if she hasn't gotten fitted yet. A bridesmaids dress takes a few weeks to get altered worst case. I'm not even going to get my tux fitted until two months before my wedding.

If you got along 'fantastically' before the wedding planning, it sounds like you're trying to go out of your way to hurt a friendship for no apparent reason. Just take a step back and realize you both have a lot to do, date set or not, and that she has more than enough time to ensure the things she needs to have done for your wedding will get done.

soontobeschooley · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-annoying-just?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a7875e70-b7ba-4cb4-8d5c-cdb999043906Post:78602a1a-346b-4e50-a9be-967f56e7dc55">Is this annoying or is it just me?</a>:
[QUOTE]So one of my bridesmaids is getting married some time in 2012 and has no date set. She lately has been calling me all the time to talk about her wedding and all of her wedding details, yet has no date, and has yet to ask about my wedding that she is in in 5 months. I asked her if she went and got fitted for her dress yet (meaning her bridesmaid dress for my wedding) and she was like, oh no fittings yet, I am just looking at dresses online. I was like what? And then she was like, oh I thought you were talking about my wedding dress. It's like she doesn't get that I am getting married before her. When I asked her (as I asked all of my bridesmaids) if they wanted to get their hair done and how much they were willing to pay for it, she was like, "you're so silly! I haven't booked my hair and makeup people yet!!". I mean, it is kind of comical but I am getting really irritated. The worst part is that this is FI's sister and normally we get along fantastically until he and I started planning our wedding. I don't get it. I was thinking of saying something like, "I'm really excited for you and your wedding, however, I have a lot to get done before my wedding. I will be more than happy to help you plan after I am married". Is that too rude? Should I say anything at all?
Posted by MyWedding13[/QUOTE]

Its not annoying, its just you. She is excited about her wedding. You should expect her to live and breathe your wedding. I know it is said all the time, but it is so true: <strong>No one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you. </strong>

waltzingmatilda13 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-annoying-just?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:a7875e70-b7ba-4cb4-8d5c-cdb999043906Post:64909a1b-2172-4152-a751-e112b903b3a9">Re: Is this annoying or is it just me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Is this annoying or is it just me? : <strong>So you're upset that she's doing the same things that you were probably doing when you first started planning your wedding?</strong> Who cares if she thinks you're talking about her wedding or if she hasn't gotten fitted yet. A bridesmaids dress takes a few weeks to get altered worst case. I'm not even going to get my tux fitted until two months before my wedding. If you got along 'fantastically' before the wedding planning, it sounds like you're trying to go out of your way to hurt a friendship for no apparent reason. Just take a step back and realize you both have a lot to do, date set or not, and that she has more than enough time to ensure the things she needs to have done for your wedding will get done.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

This seriously made me laugh.

Really, OP, there's only one thing you need to know about your wedding and your friend's wedding: <strong>No one cares as much about your own wedding as you do</strong>.

You care more about yours, she cares more about hers. End of story. Her life doesn't revolve around getting ready for your wedding. And have you ever even asked her about her wedding? Maybe she's compensating for the fact that you don't seem excited about it. And while you're at it, try talking to your friend about non-wedding related things.

LoveMuffins · December 2010

I'd probably be a little annoyed, but that's just because I'm not one to fill conversation with wedding talk (even though right now I'm planning my own). Why don't you tell her that you're tired of the wedding talk, both about yours and hers, and ask if she wants to have a girls night where you're not alllowed to talk about anything wedding related at all? Get back to the good relationship you had with her before all the wedding stuff started.

And then, as PPs have said, just try to understand that she is more exited about her wedding than yours even if it's farther away. And if you're worried about her bridesmaid dress, offer to go shopping with her for it - and maybe mention that at the same time she can browse the wedding gown racks.

garcias1 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_this-annoying-just?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a7875e70-b7ba-4cb4-8d5c-cdb999043906Post:b1ede8b4-6733-4cf6-a2fd-72c2282d22fd">Re: Is this annoying or is it just me?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd probably be a little annoyed, but that's just because I'm not one to fill conversation with wedding talk (even though right now I'm planning my own). <strong>Why don't you tell her that you're tired of the wedding talk, both about yours and hers, and ask if she wants to have a girls night where you're not alllowed to talk about anything wedding related at all?</strong> Get back to the good relationship you had with her before all the wedding stuff started. And then, as PPs have said, just try to understand that she is more exited about her wedding than yours even if it's farther away. And if you're worried about her bridesmaid dress, offer to go shopping with her for it - and maybe mention that at the same time she can browse the wedding gown racks.
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

Good idea. It sounds like you don't talk about anything NWR with her. If you are annoyed with how much she talks about her wedding, imagine how annoyed she is with you when you talk about yours. Your wedding is not more important than hers just because it is before hers. As other PPs said, your wedding will never be more important to her than her own wedding is, so just come to terms with that now. She has plenty of time to find a dress for your wedding, so I wouldn't stress about it. Just take a breather and recognize this as a great time to work on your friendship with her, not your bride-BM relationship.

kellya01 · December 2010

I think what you have here is a failure to communicate:<div>
<div>[QUOTE]<span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I asked her if she went and got fitted for her dress yet (meaning her bridesmaid dress for my wedding)[/QUOTE]</span></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">did you specify in your question what you were talking about? I'm sorry... but I have a friend getting married 1 month before my wedding, and she's one of my BM's, and I would never just say "have you gotten fitted yet?" Obviously I need to clearly define what I'm talking about (which dress, etc). </span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></font></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">[QUOTE]</span></font><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">if they wanted to get their hair done and how much they were willing to pay for it[/QUOTE]</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">well... maybe she did think her own wedding a little too soon on this one, but still, you could be more specific. Maybe say "I'm looking for places to get hair done for all of the bridesmaids and can't afford to pay for everyone, how much could you help pay for it?" Or "Do you all want to get your hair done for my wedding at a local salon, and how much should I try to find as far as cost?"</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Be specific in your communication. No one can fault you for being clear. They may be confused if they are also planning a wedding, as in this case. Relax, no one will be as excited about YOUR wedding as YOU are (I think I've read that on TK at least 100 times). Say it to yourself a few times, then think about how to be specific when you communicate with your very-excited-just-engaged friend. Oh, and remember to be a listening ear for HER wedding stuff too!!! </span></div><div><font face="Arial" size="3" class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
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keeliwelty · December 2010

My FI sister got engaged to her BF after just dating for a few months. While her brother and I had been together for over 2 1/2 years...and still no ring yet...when she called me to tell me that they got engaged, I wont lie, I had a huge knot in my belly, but I was still really happy for her. I think when it comes to your wedding you cant help but think of yourself and your big day, especailly with all the work that goes into it. I made it a point (since her brother and I got engaged shortly after) to have fun planning both of our weddings together. Since we both have different taste it actually made it fun to go to wedding fairs and watch her try on dresses and help each other decide on all the details. It is what you make of it, the best advice I have is have fun with it...when else are you both going to be planning your weddings at the same time?!

DanielleZZ · December 2010

It sounds like she is just really excited about her wedding which she has every right to be. I would try and be patient with her (how long has she been engaged? if it just happened she will probably become more relaxed soon) When you need to ask a question about your wedding just be more specific so she realizes what you are talking about. I don't think what your thinking of saying to her is too rude, just remember that she might not even realize she is doing this. Good Luck!

undyingmizery · December 2010

My friend is getting married in August I am getting married October 2012.. We do our things together. You just need to be happy for her and as PP have said just word things differently and have fun with it.

Is this annoying or is it just me?

Re: Is this annoying or is it just me?

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