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Not invited: apparently it's a trend.

lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I pretty regularly read the Dear Prudence advice column on Slate.com.  In one of her recent questions, a person said that they had received an "announcement" (from the way the person talked about it, it seemed like they were not verbal but were an actual physical announcement of some sort) that they were not invited to a wedding.  The person was asking how to respond.

Apparently, it's a trend now to inform people they're not invited.  Prudence was shocked to see how much of a trend it is and included a link to an article on ehow that suggests a bride should get together with people specifically to inform them they're not invited!

The ehow article included many other breaches of ettiquette including inviting the uninvited to the showers and utilizing a B list.

I had no idea this even existed!  I can't believe people actually do this!

Here's the link to the Q&A if you're interested (it starts at the second paragrah)

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Re: Not invited: apparently it's a trend.

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    jlm9113jlm9113 member
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    Wow... just.  Wow.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    Didnt someone just ask about how to do this on another forum lately? People never cease to amaze me. It's beyond presumptuous to think people care THAT much about your wedding that they need the news broken to them gently. It's arrogant.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    Didnt someone just ask about how to do this on another forum lately? People never cease to amaze me. It's beyond presumptuous to think people care THAT much about your wedding that they need the news broken to them gently. It's arrogant.
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    kmmssgkmmssg mod
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    This is why girls come on here and ask such ridiculous questions.  They have read an article and think it was written by an acceptable source so they believe it.  Good old traditional etiquette is rarely taught to people anymore and that includes many in my generation.  

    My real father passed away when I was very little but he was raised in an orphanage and he was a very strict disciplinarian military guy.  The only reason "please " and "thank you" came before oxygen was physiology.  We were raised to never slack on manners unless we wanted to "discuss" it with him later.  It was instilled in him at the orphanage, and it was instilled in us as kids.

    The etiquette articles on this site are a farce, you have ehow articles describing the most horrendous behavior, and a society where really excellent, graceful manners and etiquette are not resting with the majority.  It is no wonder we get the questions that we do.
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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
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    If I got one of these in the mail, I'd be hard pressed not to call the person up and explain that it was the rudest effing thing they could have done.

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    libby2483libby2483 member
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    At least Prudie seemed appalled by this trend, too.  Sometimes she gives absolutely horrible advice regarding wedding etiquette.
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    MobKazMobKaz member
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      • "Explain to them your budget for the wedding and let them know how important they are to you.
        "Example: I would really love for you to be in attendance on such a special day in my life, but because of out tight budget for the wedding, I was not able to invite as many people as I would have liked. But if possible, I would love for you to help me_______(find a dress, look for a shoes, pick a cake, etc...)"

    The link "instructs" you on how to establish a "B" list.  Then, it guides you on how to tell a "friend or loved one" they didn't even make that list.  And, for the final blow, they encourage the bride to engage the "less than worthy loved one" in wedding labor, the fruits of which the friend will never see. 

    A second link sends readers to "even more ways" to deftly insult friends and family.  Read more: How to Tell Someone They Are Not Invited to a Wedding | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4962898_tell-someone-not-invited-wedding.html#ixzz2HlvZqJg8

    Sweet Mother of Mary....


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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
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    edited January 2013
    Oh my god, mob.  Does it really say "I'm sorry I can't invite you, but I'd love for you to help me find some shoes to wear?"

    OH MY GOD.

    I don't care if my children hate me, they WILL learn that this kind of self-centered, narcissitic, inappropriate, and reality TV show attention looks wretched on anyone with half a brain, a good heart and  a set of manners. 

    Your wedding is not the event of the century to the world, but it will be to you and your husband.  That is all you need.

    I bet Knot Jennifer will post a sticky about how AWESOME this idea is, too!

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    MobKazMobKaz member
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    MY EYES! MY EYES!  SAVE YOURSELVES!!

    I made the mistake of reading further.....do NOT do this!

    Joy...not only does it indeed suggest enlisting the non-invitees as "help", but upon further reading (and permanent damage to my eyes and hope for humanity), it follows with......

    Never flat out say, "You are not invited," but make it clear that there is a reason. If possible, invite them to be a part of the wedding by being a host or hosts. Also, invite them to your wedding shower, if possible.

    Read more: How to Tell Someone They Are Not Invited to a Wedding | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/how_4962898_tell-someone-not-invited-wedding.html#ixzz2Hm8MuWPG







    ..
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    walgrrlwalgrrl member
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    Wow, I've never heard of it, but how could anyone think it's a good idea to send someone an "uninvitation"???  FI and I were able to invite all our relatives, close friends, and even the few coworkers we socialize with outside of work, so I don't think we really left anyone out.  If I happen to be in a social situation where I'm talking to someone who's not invited, I just make sure not to bring up the wedding.  At all.  Unless they ask, and even then I keep my answers minimal and change the subject quickly.  Isn't that how you're supposed to handle "the uninvited"?
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    ChloeaghChloeagh member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-invited-apparently-its-a-trend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:192df033-6759-41b3-b1f5-d17cef49c795Post:304c2f15-4936-4e99-acc8-f90bd8a1a45d">Re: Not invited: apparently it's a trend.</a>:
    [QUOTE]MY EYES! MY EYES!  SAVE YOURSELVES!! I made the mistake of reading further.....do NOT do this! Joy...not only does it indeed suggest enlisting the non-invitees as "help", but upon further reading (and permanent damage to my eyes and hope for humanity), it follows with...... Never flat out say, "You are not invited," but make it clear that there is a reason. <strong>If possible, invite them to be a part of the wedding by being a host or hosts</strong>. Also , invite them to your wedding shower, if possible. Read more:  How to Tell Someone They Are Not Invited to a Wedding | eHow.com   <a href="http://www.ehow.com/how_4962898_tell-someone-not-invited-wedding.html#ixzz2Hm8MuWPG" rel="nofollow">http://www.ehow.com/how_4962898_tell-someone-not-invited-wedding.html#ixzz2Hm8MuWPG</a> ..
    Posted by mobkaz[/QUOTE]
    Am I misunderstanding this? How do you host something you aren't invited to?
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    rin89rin89 member
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    ::Facepalm:: I have no words...
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    lauralaurlauralaur member
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    I think the worst part about receiving one of these, would be that I would feel the need to inform them of their faux pas, but if they were "clever" enough to send these in the first place they'd probably just hang up the phone and say "Yeah lauralaur's really upset that she's not invited." So instead I would just sit on the couch and fume and poor H would have to listen to all of my rantings over it.
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    SP29SP29 member
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    WOW.

    That sounds so rude. Don't invite them, then ask them to come to the shower and give you gifts/money, or do your hard work for you instead.... geesh. I think not getting an invitation is enough to say, "You're not Invited", no?

    I think most people understand that weddings are expensive and you can't invite everyone you know, it doesn't require a personal un-invitation. 
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    aquari0216aquari0216 member
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    These ppl are a sign of the apocalypse
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    aquari0216aquari0216 member
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    Let us pray...
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    In Response to Re:Not invited: apparently it's a trend.:[QUOTE]You can write a comment on the eHow article site.nbsp; I recommend that we all do so, and educate this idiot.People didn't invite me to their parties after I was widowed "because everyone was a couple."nbsp;nbsp; It was incredibly hurtful.nbsp; I guess they thought I couldn't carry on a conversation by myself.nbsp; When two friends called me to tell me I wouldn't receive an invitation to their wedding "because we knew it would depress you," I decided it was time to start deleting people off my list of friends. Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    People suck.
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