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October 2012 Weddings
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Vent.

trawas01trawas01 member
First Comment
in October 2012 Weddings
I need to vent.

My best friend is getting married literally one month before me. I love her to death. She's essentially another sister.

Today I get a facebook message from her maid of honor. And I quote. I ordered the invitations for X's shower. They came to $100. If you can mail me a check for $25 that would be great. We'll just continue splitting all the expenses four ways from here. Thanks. (Which $100 on 50 shower invites? Come.On.)

Um. this girl has never once asked me my budget. Never once asked what I can contribute. Never once asked for any input planning the shower. Now I have no problem helping, both planning and monetarily. I actually planned on both.

But she could have asked what our budgets are! Or what kind of shower we even wanted to throw. ARGH now I get to be the bridesmaid who says sorry kids I'm broke and we need to talk. Shouldn't she have asked this all before? I'm not being crazy here right? When I threw my SIL's shower I went out of my way to confirm a budget everyone was comfortable before we even picked a date!

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October 13, 2012
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Re: Vent.

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    ivedonethisb4ivedonethisb4 member
    First Comment
    That sound out of line to me. If you're throwing a shower its no one elses responsibility to fund it unless they're are multiple people planning and throwing and if you haven't discussed this beforehand then yeah not cool. I mean...did she buy gold plated invitations?
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    lepoissonrougelepoissonrouge member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    You ar ebeing in no way ridiculous... she is. Buying the invitations without asking about anyone's budget was way out of line. And seriously, $100 for 50 invites? That is nuts, especially just for shower invites! Are any of the other girls going to have a problem with this do you think?

    You should just nicely approach her and let her know that she is going to have to let the rest of you be more involved in the planning if your money is going to be involved, because you aren't spending more than what you have on things that she has picked out. Hopefully she understands. If she were to continue just asking for money I would have to tell her that you will not be co-hosting this event, which is essentially what all of the bridesmaids are doing if they are putting forth a portion of the money.
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    minionloverminionlover member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I don't think that you are being crazy at all.  If you don't have a problem giving her the $25, I would just give it to her and tell her that you only have X more dollars that you can spend on the shower and Y for the b-party, (assume there is one).  Remind her that you are also planning a wedding and don't have unlimited funds to spend.

    And if you are really daring you could ask her why the invitations were so expensive when dhe could have gotten something nice from a place like VistaPrint for practically nothing.
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    trawas01trawas01 member
    First Comment
    Thanks for the assurance that I'm not nuts.

    I want to help. I just need to do it within my means.

    Ugh. I emailed the other two bridesmaids to see if anyone has discussed budget. One of the others just moved to the west coast from the east coast a month ago so I'm sure things are tight for her too. If I'm not the only one feeling this way it'll be easire to talk to the maid of honor.

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    October 13, 2012
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    rmo57536rmo57536
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    Your story makes me nervous. My MOH is getting married Sept 8th and her MOH and I don't exactly get along as is.

    This girl you're talking about sounds like a real MOHzilla. If you expect other people to pay they need to know what is going on and what they're expected to spend. You don't get to just plan an party on your own and bill everyone for it later. I'm with the other girls I want ot see these invites she had to spend $100 on instead of $12 from VP. I hope this situation gets better for you and this girl has a reality check.


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    missmckenzie2missmckenzie2
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    I am currently dealing with a MOHzilla in wedding that I am in, literally 6 weeks before mine. The girl sounds exactly like you situation. Except she knew our budget but kept pushing for invites that were $200! You are not crazy at all. If she expected you guys to contribute she has to take your opinions and your budget with it. If she doesn't consult with you she doesn't have the right to expect you to start shelling out money.

    However, even if you are going to give her the $25 I would definitely have the budget talk with her now and explain you concerns. Who knows what kind of shower she is planning and how much she is going to expect you to pay for later without consulting you.
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    BMBrinsonBMBrinson member
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    This happened to me last summer. The 3 of us bridesmaids split things up. Her sister and cousin took the shower and I took the B party. When I came in to town for her shower I get a text message how much had I spent on the B party...it was a month away, so I explained what I had spent and what I was going to spend. Then the sister goes well the shower is going to cost more than that so you can pay for our portion of the hotel room! What! I said we will talk about this after the shower. The shower was great and all...but the bride bought the most of the food for the shower and the BMs bought maybe 30 bucks in decorations and prizes. I told them sorry they can pay for themselves...I was paying for the bride, offered to DD so everyone could go home instead of a hotel, and bought all the fun B party stuff. The sister decided not to come and the other girl got her own hotel room. 

    If they haven't talked to you about ....then you are no way responsible to pay for what they have already purchased. 
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