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stealing the spotlight?

dordtgrl4dordtgrl4
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
Just a question, but do you think getting engaged soon would take away from his sister's wedding that is a year away? My boyfriend and I want a 2 year engagement and nothing would happen the first year anyways. we're just wondering if it is considered stealing the spotlight...any advice?
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Re: stealing the spotlight?

  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://sitelife.theknot.com/ver1.0/Forums/%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:9ef3bf16-cbda-47b6-aa6f-1a1d108e4a13">stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Just a question, but do you think getting engaged soon would take away from his sister's wedding that is a year away? My boyfriend and I want a 2 year engagement and nothing would happen the first year anyways. we're just wondering if it is considered stealing the spotlight...any advice?
    Posted by dordtgrl4[/QUOTE]
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes.

    My SIL is due in August.  However, I am making her wait until January to give birth.  This is MY baby year.  I refuse to let her steal the spotlight.
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  • zipis1zipis1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In a nutshell, no. She gets a day, not a year. If she throws a fit she's being a baby.

    I shall now go back to playing with my new Ball Python. He likes to sleep in my bra.

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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:54bdbff2-7c41-4823-a729-e927929c6c0b">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In a nutshell, no. She gets a day, not a year. If she throws a fit she's being a baby. <strong>I shall now go back to playing with my new Ball Python. He likes to sleep in my bra.</strong>
    Posted by zipis1[/QUOTE]

    This is awesome :)
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  • brilibby4brilibby4 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No.
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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Not at all - she gets one day, not a week, month or year. Your BF and you should do what is right for your relationship.

    If your BF's sister throws a fit over it she's the one being a brat
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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:53dd5297-9740-4483-bc27-aedb11f5eb04">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: stealing the spotlight? : This is awesome :)
    Posted by tafft1[/QUOTE]

    I was going to say scary
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She gets a day.  No more.  Your BF should propose whenever he feels ready. 

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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto the PPs. If anything, your FSIL should be happy for you and have someone to commiserate with in wedding planning.
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  • catemegcatemeg
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I will say that you're very kind to think of her feelings, but no need to give her too much leeway.  Getting engaged at her wedding would be bad form, but any other day of the next 2 years is fair play.  I'd say maybe steer away from the whole week before her wedding, just to be kind, but yeah, it sounds like you're being overcautious.

    She can't expect the whole world to stop just because she's engaged, so as long as you employ this level of compassion throughout the process (and don't start comparing and contrasting your wedding plans - "My florist is SO much better!") then I think you'll be just fine!
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ball python boob!



    OP-- No, you should be fine. If she freaks send her to us or E and we will lay the smackdown as needed. However, I would caution you on a 2 year engagement, many with really long engagements are unhappy by the end. Why two years? To save? Or just because?


    Mutley-- If your SIL can do that, she has skillz.  And a 30lbs baby. 
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs. Do what is best for you and your bf.

    It's funny because I got engaged in Dec and we're planning an Oct wedding. My cousin got engaged in Feb and is getting married in July. A bunch of people in my family were expecting me to be upset by it because we were engaged first. I was pretty upset that they would assume I'd be that selfish. I guess they had seen people get upset and assumed I would too. This is stupid, selfish, and immature. If your bf's sister gets upset, screw her!
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  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Also OP-- I'm actually really sad that no one is engaged at the same time as me, I wish I could have the companionship IRL with me. So she might be really excited about it. 
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:fa6059c2-f2a5-4fb7-84f3-324c60da4955">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Also OP-- I'm actually really sad that no one is engaged at the same time as me, I wish I could have the companionship IRL with me. So she might be really excited about it. 
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    Oh yeah, having a friend who is also engaged has saved me! I can talk wedding stuff with her and we don't get annoyed! My sister has heard enough about my wedding. She'll help with appointments and such but she is sick of hearing about it. I don't talk about it with her anymore but I can always call up my friend and we can be silly together!
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:38724e8d-5e9d-48da-93f1-e77e7fdd03f0">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mutley-- If your SIL can do that, she has skillz.  And a 30lbs baby. 
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    Wait!  So are you saying that she is going to steal my thunder even further by carrying a baby for so long?  Drat!  My plans are foiled. 
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  • jeanacorinajeanacorina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LOL Mutley.

    I agree that having someone engaged at the same time is actually helpful and fun. My friend got engaged a few months after I did, and it was SO MUCH FUN to go to a bridal show together and just have a great time being brides together.
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  • Button5807Button5807
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As long as you don't get engaged during her Wedding ceremony you have the right to hit her in the head with a chair if she says something about it.

    Mutley you're screwed either way. Your only hope is to give birth at the exact same time and have the babies fight it out.
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  • **Mutley****Mutley**
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:8de55142-87d1-4448-9911-8c90b4bc25c5">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Mutley you're screwed either way. Your only hope is to give birth at the exact same time and have the babies fight it out.
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Her baby will most likely top 10lbs.  However, our baby will have my 'spunk.'  It would definitely be a battle royal! 
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  • nefariousmangonefariousmango
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm leaning on my friends who got married last year for help, I'd think having you be engaged at the same time would be nice, you can support/ bitch to each other!

    [QUOTE]In a nutshell, no. She gets a day, not a year. If she throws a fit she's being a baby. I shall now go back to playing with my new Ball Python. He likes to sleep in my bra.
    Posted by zipis1[/QUOTE]

    I miss our Ball, he was the best!  He liked to wind himself around my bra straps and do chores with me, occasionally sticking his head out of my armpit.  Unfortunately our cat harassed him to no end... He's happier in his new home, we let him be the "beginner snake" for the kids of a couple we know who breed Burmese and Anacondas (and obviously don't want their kids to be afraid of snakes, but also don't want a 4 year old handling an 8-footer)
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  • bajedivabajediva member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:bf1e4024-538e-422a-b162-5b50dc810179">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: stealing the spotlight? : I was going to say scary
    Posted by sapphirebaby926[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'd say it's scary if it's while you're wearing it...</div>
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  • ekathleen684ekathleen684
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Like everyone else said, she gets a day..Thats it. If he planned on proposing at her wedding I'd say your stealing the spotlight. Any other day is fine and if not, she's being a brat.
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  • zipis1zipis1 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:d368a9cd-f0fd-45c8-aab1-06de3456ae0c">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: stealing the spotlight? : I'd say it's scary if it's while you're wearing it...
    Posted by bajediva[/QUOTE]

    Of course it was while I was wearing it. He was helping me unpack while I kept him warm ;) Hopefully he doesn't try it when he's bigger though. Baby snakes fit in there, but a 60" one would not :P

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  • oceana919oceana919
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Unless his sister actually rents a spotlight and you actually steal it, I don't see how getting engaged in the same year is stealing a spotlight.

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  • Button5807Button5807
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:a2fb1d8f-796a-4317-b9ed-e6b8f8777230">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Unless his sister actually rents a spotlight and you actually steal it, I don't see how getting engaged in the same year is stealing a spotlight.
    Posted by oceana919[/QUOTE]

    <3
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • dwest2201dwest2201
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PP's she gets a day for her wedding... proposing on her wedding day would be rude and that would be stealing the spotlight.

    Out of respect you should probably let him know that proposing at the rehearsal dinner is also not looked highly upon.  Also if there is a couples shower I would recommend he didn't do it there... otherwise he's free to do it whenever he darn well pleases.
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  • AcrosthecAcrosthec
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree with PPs.  Try and avoid doing it *on* their wedding day, and maybe the week before to be nice.

    However, I have a friend that was a BM in someone's wedding and her (now) DH proposed to her at the reception in front of everyone.  He cleared it with the bride, groom, and both of their families to make sure everyone was ok with it beforehand.  It's a neat idea, and obviously they told him they were ok with it.  I'd be a little concerned they would say "Sure!" and then secretly hate me though.  I mean, what are they going to say instead?  "No, it's MY day!  ::footstomp::"
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  • dordtgrl4dordtgrl4
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_stealing-spotlight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:87cfd730-a979-4283-a2fc-6a308197f954Post:38724e8d-5e9d-48da-93f1-e77e7fdd03f0">Re: stealing the spotlight?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ball python boob! OP-- No, you should be fine. If she freaks send her to us or E and we will lay the smackdown as needed. However, I would caution you on a 2 year engagement, many with really long engagements are unhappy by the end. Why two years? To save? Or just because? Mutley-- If your SIL can do that, she has skillz.  And a 30lbs baby. 
    Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

    Thanks everyone for the advice. My boyfriend has no intentions of proposing on any special days of theirs, but he and I just wanted to clear up that any normal day within the year wouldn't be "stealing her spotlight".

    As for the long engagement, it's mainly because we want to save up money. I am already restless about planning the wedding, and I don't even have the ring yet, but I know I'll be able to hold off for 2 years just to make sure our marriage begins with no financial insecurities.
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