Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Fi doesn't want ring?

This is going to sound really weird. But my FI does not want a wedding ring.  Basically his line of work makes it so he doesn't think a ring is practical, his dad doesn't wear a ring either, and neither did his grandfather(though both were married for 40+ years).  I have offered to just get him one and have him choose not to wear it, but still know that I got him one.He thinks it's a waste of money for me to get him something he will not wear.  He has suggested me getting him a nice watch instead and having it engraved with our names and date of our wedding.  The problem is that the watch that he admires is out of both of our price ranges(he has expensive taste, much like I do).His mom just said we can omit the ring exchange out of the ceremony.  Won't that look weird to people?
«1

Re: Fi doesn't want ring?

  • A ring is not a requirement. While some people may think it's weird to skip it, it really isn't any of their business. Others won't miss it at all. Do what works best for both of you.
  • I have heard of this a lot, especially with military men and factory workers. I don't think it's all that strange and a watch is a great alternative!
  • You could just do him giving you a ring as ring exchange without the reciprocity  
  • So is he an electrician? electrical engineer?  There are metals out there that can be worn without risk.  He's your fiance and you know him best, maybe you can get a place holder watch that is inexpensive and start saving for the one he really wants.  Also don't forget to shop around, you might find a better price on one elsewhere.Ultimately it doesn't matter what looks strange to other people at your wedding.  It is about the two of you.  I would be unhappy if my fiance didn't want to wear a ring, but that's me.
  • My FI wont wear a ring either.  It bothered me at first, but my father doesnt wear a ring so I am used to the idea.  We are doing the ring exchange though and he will "maybe" wear that ring if we go out or something.  He is a toolmaker and works with machines and his father never wore a ring either.  FI made his own ring out of titanium so we are not spending money on something he wont wear.  What does you FI do? Could he cut his own ring out or does he know someone who could?  I think the watch could be a nice groom's gift and maybe he could pick one more in your price range....GL!
  • When my parents got married, it was very uncommon for the groom to get a ring.  Some did, but it wasn't the norm.  When I got married, the practice was much more wide-spread.  I know very few men in my generation who didn't get rings.  My husband got a ring but was never comfortable wearing it, he always took it off and played with it.  About 6 months after we were married, he dropped the ring out of the car window while driving on the NJ Turnpike.  We never bothered to replace it.  The marriage has survived for many years without the ring.Some guys are just not comfortable wearing any jewelry.  If he doesn't want a ring for any reason, don't force it.  Just have him give you your ring during the ceremony.FWIW, I think the watch is a great idea.  It may be expensive but how does it compare in price to your engagement and wedding rings? 
  • I second MOBinFL, above.  If you look at old wedding announcements in the papers, say pre-1980, some will say "in a double-ring ceremony" because prior to that it was not all that common for men to wear a ring.  There was a greater portion of men who worked with their hands at that time, so it was dangerous for many.  Mechanics, for example, can easily lose a finger if the ring gets caught.  It's not only about electrical stuff.You can actually have the ring ceremony, but just have the part where yours is put on your finger.  DH was a carpenter for many years before he became a graphic designer, and he wears a ring to the office, and to social occasions, but he takes it off when he's working around the house, building, etc.  And I do the same with my e-ring, so we have a special little plate for the rings when we're not wearing them.   
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
  • I grew up not realizing that men wore wedding rings until I was about 12.  My father never had one, his father died when I was very young so I don't know if he had one and my mom's father didn't have one.If your FI doesn't want one just don't have it. 
  • my husband can't wear a ring either do to his line of work but I got him a 12.00 ring at Walmart. Thats right Walmart. He doesn't even wear it when we go out anyway so I am glad I didn't spend a lot of money on it.
  • My dad was an engineer, he's retired now.  He stopped wearing his ring after a coworker of his had an accident where his wedding ring got caught on a piece of machinery and then lost his finger because of it.  My FI works with computers, he is the guy at work who isn't afraid to open up a server box and fiddle with the insides(he's the only one at work who does this). That and he keeps saying he doesn't want one because he doesn't get sentimentally tied to jewelry.I want to know I got him something meaningful, and he just says he doesn't see things that way.
  • My FI doesn't want to wear one either, not because of anything work related, he just wears no jewlery. I don't know what you and you FI's style is, but my FI said he would get a tattoo around his ring finger just before the wedding and keep a bandaid or something over it and take it off at the ring part of our ceremony. We both have lots of tattos and love them, but thats just us. I am still trying to talk him into an actual ring instead though. Good luck with everything!
  • He can wear the ring on a necklace? I have a friend whose husband's line of work also makes it silly to wear a ring so he wears it on a chain around his neck.If he's not open to that idea either, I wouldn't omit the ring exchange because he'll still want to put yours on. Do any guys in your family have a wedding band that he can use during the ceremony and return afterwards?
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • ditto MOB and other posters.  My dad wears a wedding ring (he's 88) but many in his generation don't.  My DH wears his wedding ring to work and out socially, but when he's working around the house, he takes it off.It used to be very unusual for me to have wedding rings, but the ring was still a major piece of ceremonies.  It was just that the only ring was the woman's.  I'd second a watch if he wants that or find something else meaningful.  I wouldn't omit the ring part of the ceremony if you still want him to put the ring on your finger, though.I wouldn't find it weird, but that's because, as several others said, I also remember newspaper announcements highlighting a "double ring ceremony" because that was considered more unusual.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • MCH77MCH77 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    FI does not want a ring.  We also have several men in our families that never had rings.  I do like the exchanging of rings, so we will get him something simple (and cheap). 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I think I would be happy if my FI didn't want to get a ring. In his line of work it would be way too easy for it to slip off or cause him to get his finger stuck. He was married before, and he actually took his ring off before he left home (he travels for work and works on naval ships). So why get something that would probably end up being replaced. My first marriage I wanted to have my wedding ring tattooed on, simply because I'm not into jewlery and the second day wearing my engagement ring, I ended up catching it on a window I was closing and it popped open my prongs and my diamond fell out. I like the idea of the watch, but again you have the problem that if he is working with his hands he isn't going to want anything on that could catch. My grandfather used to be a volunteer fireman, and up until then he had always worn his wedding ring. He was on the back of a truck, this is when they actually used to ride on the back... and had a hold of one of the hand rings, they went flying around a corner and he slipped. He was litterally hanging off the back of the truck by his ring finger and his ring. They had to cut the ring off. If it bothers you that much, then telll him it is really important to you to exchange rings, and get the cheapy from Walmart.
  • Here is where we are right now.  My FI has openly admitted that if I get him a really nice watch he probably won't wear it because he doesn't want to break a really expensive watch(yeah lol same excuse for the ring right?). I have told him he has 5 months to figure out and find a watch he likes that is in tune with my figured budget for his ring.  If at that time he has not found something, then he is going to get sized for a wedding ring and I will get him one.  He seems to understand that giving him a ring to me is very symbolic, but he just doesn't see himself wearing it after the ceremony so cannot justify the cost in his mind.  I have told him "just take the freaking ring after the ceremony and if you don't wear it keep it in a safe place,  who knows maybe our kid(s) may want it someday[no kids yet]."
  • My FI wants a ring but he doesn't want to spend a lot of money on it, epecially since he learned that my brother's FIL wears a $20 ring purchased from a kiosk at a local mall.  So perhaps you could do something like that.  Get a very inexpensive ring for the ceremony and then present him the engraved watch (which is a great idea if he doesn't wear jewelry!) on your first anniversary (since you would need to save up for it).  This way you can still get your ring blessed during the ceremony and he still gets his watch!
  • That is so funny that you posted this! My Fiance said he didn't want a ring either. He said that he doesn't like to wear "jewelry"... He also suggested a nice watch instead!My theory is it is your wedding and who cares what people think about the ceremony. You guys should come to some compromise though, meet in the middle... Maybe buy a cheap ring and do the ring ceremony but don't make him wear it after the wedding permenently.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • dojo1dojo1 member
    First Comment
    If people think it "looks weird" to not have a ring ceremony then they can find another wedding to enjoy a free meal and booze at!   I say "TOUGH NUGGIES!"
    Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My fiance probably isn't going to wear a ring at all either, and it doesn't really matter that much to me.  He is a carpenter and I know he is 100% devoted to me and our relatioship...the ring is just materialistic.  He will be using his dad's wedding band for the ceremony and pictures since his dad never really wore his either it is pratically brand new after 30+ years of marriage. 
  • My fiance kept telling me he wasn't going to wear a ring (his work does not prohibit it in any way).  His married friends kept telling him that he will get use to wearing it (he says he hates jewelry and won't like it).  Anyway, he is not the tattoo type AT ALL and told me that he would go get a ring tattooed instead of wearing a ring...which was shocking to me.  When we went to get mine he ended up finding a tungsten ring that he liked, we shall see if he gets use to it or if he ends up with a black tattoo around his finger :)
  • I had no idea so many guys feel this way about a ring! My fiance is getting a ring, but he's already given me a head's up that he thinks it'll "bother" him to have to wear jewelry every day and he's pretty sure he'll only wear it half the time. I told him it's important to me that he at least try to get used to it. He has a friend that rarely wears his ring and he keeps bringing him up as an example (the friend is a very faithful husband, not at all trying to "look single", so now my FI thinks this is normal). My dad has worn a wedding ring every day of his life and even had to have it cut off and resized when he gained some weight. I see it more as a symbol of your comittment so I'm having a hard time accepting that he really might not wear his regularly. I understand that if he doesn't wear it, that doesn't mean he loves me any less or is any less attached to me. I'm just hoping beyond hope that it grows on him. We got him a super comfortable one that he loves the look of. If he really can't do it, of course I won't make him or be mad, but I really hope he changes his mind. [url=http://<a href="http://www.weddingcountdown.com" rel='nofollow'>www.weddingcountdown.com</a>][img]<a href="http://img.weddingcountdown.com/ticker/5koghp.png" rel='nofollow'>http://img.weddingcountdown.com/ticker/5koghp.png</a>[/img][/url]
  • My FI cant wear a ring due to his line of work, he works on a farm and it could be dangerous, so we are getting him a tungsten band from walmart as he still wants one to wear when we go out and such. Their like $50 and very nice looking.
  • My FI wears no jewelry at all. On the two occasions I've seen him put on a watch, it looks really weird.  He was unsure he wanted a ring, and I wasn't sure I liked that, but I let him make the choice.  He absolutely cannot wear one at work for safety reasons.  They are hazards and can conduct electricty. The tungsten won't conduct electricity, but can still catch on things (he is a mechanic) and do damage. He did end up choosing one that is a black tungsten carbide band with a brushed finish - very unique looking.  He will put it on when we go out as opposed to wearing it all the time and taking it off for work.We will do the ring exchange ceremony, and I'm honored he chose to do something he wouldn't normally do - it tells me it means a lot to him.
    image
    Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
    I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
  • I have never seen my dad's wedding band.  I dont know if he never had one, of if he lost it when I was young.  This doesnt surprise me, though, my mom doesnt have her original engagement or wedding rings.  And they just celebrated their 22...or 23rd anniversary.  (they dont even know)That being said, my FI's dad had one, and all the men in his family had/have them.  FI really wants to start ring shopping, he's even jealous because he doesnt get to wear a ring while we're engaged.
  • What about if he wore it at times around his neck on a chain or is he opposed to all jewlery?I personally would be a little upset as well. My FI is a martial arts instructor but was fine with getting a ring. He said that when he would be teaching he would put it on his chain. Don't worry about what other's think though. I would speak to your FI (if it is that important to you) and let him know how you feel (nicely) and give him the option to reconsider. If not, again, like others have suggested, a watch is very nice, just maybe a different style for cost issues.
  • My fiance origionally didn't want to wear one to work either because of safety and fear of ruining it. He ended up buying a Tungsten ring off ebay which is almost impossibe to ruin and got a nice ring from the jewelry store for when we are outside of work. I really didn't mind him not wearing it to work but he doesn't live there all day everyday and can still wear one elsewhere.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • My FI is in a similar situation as a mechanic. He got a ring for him and I also purchased him a necklace for him to put the ring on while he is at work. We will still have the ring exchange part of the ceremony. He will just be unable to wear his ring during work hours. Its a nice compromise for our situation.
  • Be cautious of tungsten rings. If crushed on a finger it is very difficult to remove!!!
  • emdashemdash member
    First Comment
    My FI doesn't want one either. My dad and grandfather never had them (although my grandfather has gotten more blingy in his old age and wears something he had made after he retired now so I didn't know this until recently), and my FFIL doesn't wear his (its on his keychain). Part of me doesn't like that he doesn't want one but I think that might be more because people are pressuring me that its weird. He is the no jewelry, why waste money on something I'll hate wearing and likely end up losing type. I don't know where we'll end up. Probably without one but we'll see.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards