Not Engaged Yet

Announcing to parents about getting engaged at 20/21

My boyfriend and I have decided that in the next few months we will get engaged. I have had my share of bad relationships and am ready to settle down. We are both 20 and work part time, but are both looking to find full time employement. And I've always known  I wanted to get married young. I honestly think my parents will be exicted about the idea. I just don't know how to bring it up to them. They make jokes every once in a while asking when I am getting married. So I thought about waiting til then and saying "'actually we've been talking about it". My mom was engaged at 19/20 so the fact I am young really wont be an issue. My boyfriend and I are planning on opening a savings account this week to start saving up for a wedding or deposite on an apartment or rental home since we want to wait a few years before buying. If anyone has any suggustions for me on addressing this to my parents that would be great. Thanks!

Re: Announcing to parents about getting engaged at 20/21

  • edited December 2011
    Tell your mom first! I told other people before I told my mom and she broke down crying because of this (I couldn't believe her reaction!). I also assumed my my parents wouldn't mind that I'm young (22) when I told them since they were 17 & 18 when they got engaged, but boy was I wrong! Tell them any way you choose, just be prepared for very odd reactions. Good luck :)
  • edited December 2011
    Depending on when you are looking at getting married it could be a very laid back conversation. You could say that you are engaged but you are more focused on finding an apartment together than wedding planning right now. That's announcing the change in your relationship but still not leaving much room for all the questions.
  • tbh33tbh33
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    First, are you still in school?  If so, I personally would recommend staying in school, and waiting to have the wedding once you are done.  I know it sucks, but with the economy the way it is, finding a job isn't easy.Next, I wouldn't agree that your mom won't have a problem with getting engaged at your age (I don't know her so I can't say for sure).  Generally, when our parents were our age, getting married young wasn't that big of a deal.  However, ideas have changed, so just be prepared.  When FI and I were 20 we knew that we wanted to get married.  However, finishing school was the most important thing to both of us.  Also, we knew we weren't ready then. 
  • edited December 2011
    Just strike up a conversation with them and mention it to them. It really isn't that hard - my parents are hit or miss with news like this but when I told them that I thought that we would get married someday they were happy about it.I have to agree with pp's though about your parents being okay with you getting married so young - times have changed and while it was common and acceptable for people to get married so young in your parents time it isn't now and they may not be as comfortable with it as you thought. Also are you going to school at all? If so you might want to wait until after you graduate and focus on that before you have a wedding like a pp said.
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • edited December 2011
    talk to your mom first. Just beacuse she got engaged young does not mean that she will be okay with her little girl getting married so young. also i suggest having a good job first like a career before getting married. My Fi and I are both at a point in our life where we both have careers and it is feasable to get married. im young also, but we have excellet paying jobs etc. also are you emotionally ready? are you still in school? i would wait if your still in school.
  • ac_in_dcac_in_dc
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    The first time I got engaged I was 23. I took my parents out to dinner one night (I think it was for father's day or something) and said to them: "mom and dad, I'm pretty sure that XXX is the man I'm going to marry" Then they responded.  A little bit surprised but we talked it over, they had the chance to air their concerns, etc. Then when my 1st husband and I got engaged 2 months later, they had processed the information and were ready to congratulate us. If you don't mind me asking, why do you want to get married young?

  • edited December 2011
    I am also 20 almost 21. Me and my boyfriend also plan to get engaged in the next couple of months. We have been talking about marriage to our families for the past 6 months or so... Now they are ALL on board with the idea. Our families have been friends since we were 3 and 4 years old so they couldn't be happier. However since we are both in school. I will not graduate college till May 2011 so I decided to have a long engagement and not get married till June 2011. This worked for us however not everyone is in our situaton and wants to wait that long. Anywho I am also going to be a 20 year old bride to be so dont feel alone. We have been together for 3 years and we couldn't be happier.
  • trevette1981trevette1981
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I'd say throw the idea out there to see what your mom would say. I agree with the others, just because she got married young, doesn't mean she's okay with you doing that. In the 70's, 20 was a lot different than 20 today.Also, are you done with college? I'd say wait until you finish college. Get an education, then get a job.I am SO not trying to be "snarky" as they say around here, but at 20 yrs old, how man bad, correction, relationships period could you possibly have had? Ready to settle down? I may get burned at the stake for saying this, but at 20, you are just starting out in life.
  • trevette1981trevette1981
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Correction- How many Why is there not an edit button?Geez.
  • edited December 2011
    By the age of 20, how many bad relationships could you possibly have had?I'd say if you can't figure out how to talk to you parents about getting engaged/married, then you aren't mature enough to do so. 
    image
  • ellemichelleellemichelle
    Seventh Anniversary 10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    My fiance and I are getting married young as well, he's 22 and I'm 21.  Here on the knot saying you are getting married at this age is fairly looked down upon, and I can understand why.  So many people our age are not ready for marriage.  However your parents know you better than anyone on the knot ever will.  Sit down and have a serious discussion about getting married at this age with them.  If they are against the idea, find out what their concerns are.  I know that if my parents had thought my fiance and I were not ready, we would be putting off the wedding for a few years.It's not going to be easy getting married this young, especially if you are still in school (and please do not drop out of school to get married).  You need to seriously think about your budget once you get married, because mommy and daddy won't be paying for things after the wedding.  I have several school loans that I've taken out, and we are both working part time during school.And as others have said, just because your mom got engaged young doesn't mean she is going to encourage you to do the same.  One of my fiance's aunts got married at 16, and I can promise you she didn't encourage her daughters to do that.  The world we live in is obviously not the same one our parents grew up in.Like I said, sit down with your parents and have a serious discussion.  You need to be mature enough to understand and respect their concerns if they think you are too young.  And if they think you are ready, I wish you all the best.
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 2011
    You're 20 and you've had your share of bad relationships? Honey, high school boyfriends don't count.I'd also like to know why you're so hell-bent on becoming another statistic. Do you think telling people you're engaged or married makes you sound like a grown-up?

  • edited December 2011
    lginn, how are you going to be a 20 year old bride when you are already almost 21 and not getting married until 2011?  I'm pretty sure that math doesn't work.  Also if your user name is your email address you should definitely change it for privacy reasons.
  • edited December 2011
    She said she's going to be a 20 year old bride TO BE. Which means engaged at 20.
  • edited December 2011
    But to answer the OP... just tell them. I'm 22 and recently told my mom, but actually I've been talking and making jokes about it for probably over a year. I would say things like "at my wedding I'd want..." or something while we were shopping or whatnot... to warm her up to the idea I guess. But more recently before we were engaged I brought it up to my mom one day at the pool that we had found a ring and we were talking about a date. I don't think she was suprised and she was excited as I was. I do remember, probably a year or two ago, asking her if she thought 21/22 was too young to be engaged... and she didn't really have an answer. So maybe ask your mom something like that, then if she seems okay with it... tell her. If you're close to your dad as well though, tell him too. My dad and I hardly ever talk so everyone pretty much knew before we were even engaged and when someone said something to my dad he was like "I'm the last one to find out I guess." Just a tip. GL!
  • edited December 2011
    My FI and I are marrying November 7 this year. I am 18, he will be 20. We are both Catholic and having a full, perfect ceremony :) I completely understand your issue about being a statistic, and honestly think it's better to marry young because neither of you will be set in your ways, you don't have a lot of baggage and your biological clock won't be against you. Plus, you can grow up together! I think you and him should take your parents out for dinner and tell them together so they feel that you are serious and know that it's special. PS You don't have to settle down when you marry!
  • zitiqueenzitiqueen
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 2011
    amberoye, save [url=http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/4110123/ShowForum.aspx]this link[/url]. You're gonna need it.

  • edited December 2011
    Plus, you can grow up togetherI thought the idea was to grow OLD together.Ooops, my bad.
  • trevette1981trevette1981
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for saying that snoozyfish!
  • edited December 2011
    Noelle said it best.  If you have trouble talking about it, then you should not be doing it.As far as opening up an account, are you putting both of you names on the account? I would not do that.  Maybe you can both open seperate accounts and take turns putting money into it. When the time comes to spend the money then pool it together.  This way if something happens, neither or you will have lost any money.  Just my opinion.  
  • jlyn7jlyn7
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    I second PP's, especially on the whole bank account thing. When I was 19ish, I had been dating a guy for a couple years. I was living at home and had a pretty good paying job, but out of stupidity I put my money together with his in one account. Guess what? We broke up 3 years ago, his house is FULL of stuff I paid for. Furniture, lamps, pots & pans, I have yet to see a dime for any of it. I even had to help pay the mortgage a few times (No, I didn't live there at ANY point) because our bank accounts weren't separated yet and he couldn't make ends meet.I highly recommend opening two different accounts and putting them together when the time comes. If you really insist on opening one together, keep track of how much you each put in so you can split it evenly if the unthinkable happens.And as a side note, I don't know what your motives are for wanting to get married so young, but think long and hard about it. My best friend got married at 19 and got divorced six months later. I'M NOT SAYING this will happen to you, don't flame me yet, I'm just saying consider it. You only work part time and probably can't support yourselves, and believe it or not, you have a lot of growing up to do at 20. And I very seriously doubt you've had your share of bad relationships. I'm not much older than you, but I can promise you won't be the same person in a few years.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards