backstabbing bridesmaid

mgrow83 · July 2009

I just found out that one of my friends that I chose to be a bridesmaid and her husband dont like my fiance. They dont like him to the point where they dont want him in their house. How do I now tell her that if she's going to be that way I dont want her in my wedding?

TheSaltyPeanut · July 2009

Did you just find this out? How have they been around your FI in the past? Could it just be a story blown out of proportion? If you do decide to remove one of your BMs, be prepared for it to ruin the friendship. Good luck!

Da0419 · July 2009

I would just confront her (in an adult manner, no Jerry Springer...) about it. Explain to her that you're really hurt by the situation, and hear her out. Then tell her that if she's not comfortable being in the wedding in light of her feelings that you'll totally understand and respect her decision. This way it's giving her an out and putting the ball in her court. Good luck with this!

LarissaAnn · July 2009

Did you find it out from them or from a third party? Are you sure it's even true?

BubbleJ · July 2009

I had a friend assume she was gonna be a bridesmaid and then proceeded to tell me how much she hated my FH, how bad he treats me (ummm...no) and how if he said anything she didn't like at the wedding she would have her boyfriend kick him out. Of his own wedding...Needless to say we are no longer friends after that incredibly rude outburst. If she said it to your face and was pretty rude about it, I wouldn't want her for a bridesmaid! I'd just tell her that if thats how she feels then perhaps she might not be comfortable standing up and showing support on the day. But yes, be prepared to loose a friendship. I did, but in hindsight she wasn't that good of a friend to begin with.

ffmaid · July 2009

I would talk calmly to them and determine if this is a true statement or not . If true why they dislike him. If your closest friends dislike him there is a red flag be it in your relationship with your fi or friends.

appletango85 · July 2009

My best friend got married in March and I told her(respectfully) that I in all honesty didn't think that it was a good idea to get married so soon. I told her those feelings because she asked me to be here MoH and I wanted her to know my feelings before I accepted to make sure she was ok with that. I fully supported her and I didn't make mention of it again. I like the guy as a person, I just could see as an outsider(of course I don't know all the details) that he wasn't really ready IMO of course. But it's not my decision and I was still there to support her. If your friend can't do that or respectfully step down as BM because of her feelings towards your FI, she is not a good friend. Take the advice of the PP's.

bablingbrooke · July 2009

I have a lot of questions:-Did your FI do something to deserve this treatment? -Did she tell you or is this from a third party? -Does she disapprove of the marriage or is she just ticked off at him? -Is this a serious problem or is she the type who gets very upset over small things and has dramatic reactions? -Could it be that she knows something about your FI that you don't?Unless you heard it straight from the horse's mouth that she doesn't support the marriage, I would talk to her to see what's really up. It would be a shame to end a friendship and create a huge rift among your other friends if you weren't 100% sure.If it turns out she sadly doesn't approve, it may be hard to hear but I'd really listen to why. Sometimes friends are jerks and make up high-drama reasons for not liking a friend's SO. I tend to think a friend wouldn't react this dramatically to her friend's FI when she's in the wedding unless she had a good reason. But if she is just being unreasonable, say "Friend, I'm so sorry you don't approve of our marriage, and I understand if you feel you can't stand up for something you don't agree with." Then the ball's in her court.

atobias1 · July 2009

BubbleJ that biatch sounds crraaazzzyyyyyyy!!!!

laurening · July 2009

bablingbrooke's post is spot on and I would do what she advised. A friend can still support you and the wedding even if they don't love your fiance. Sometimes personalities clash. Don't overreact until you get more information as to why they don't like him. Hopefully it's just something that got blown out of proportion or a misunderstanding (maybe he drank too much at one of their parties, threw up on the carpet and was obnoxious about it). But if they have a major gripe, it's something to take seriously.

jeannigirl · July 2009

First I wouldn't jump the gun with anything, I think the best thing that you can do is to meet with her and let her know that you heard some things off the cuff and you want to verify if it is correct that she did say something. If she did, find out what the problem is, why she feels like that. Those are pretty strong feelings against your FI. If it is true then you can ask her if she feels that way and can't support you and FI then you would understand if she didn't stand up with you.I know personally I would not want anyone standing with me that wasn't in support of my marriage to my FI.

banana468 · July 2009

Why not talk to her about the issue rather than come to a solution before you two deal with the problem?

duckie1905 · July 2009

I have a lot of questions:-Did your FI do something to deserve this treatment? -Did she tell you or is this from a third party? -Does she disapprove of the marriage or is she just ticked off at him? -Is this a serious problem or is she the type who gets very upset over small things and has dramatic reactions? -Could it be that she knows something about your FI that you don't?These are all valid questions that require answers before you can call her a "backstabber."

lissa71679 · July 2009

not everyone likes everyone. I had a friend where I didnt like her fiance but it doesnt mean she should stop talking to me. i am just not a fan of his personality and he just irks me. Not everyone has to love my fiance....the only person that matter who loves him is me.

backstabbing bridesmaid

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