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Clash of cultures

janenamkungjanenamkung
in Asian Weddings
So my FI is Indian. I'm Korean. We have no idea how to incorporate our cultures. The plan was to do an small American/Korean wedding/dinner up in Seattle then do a small (if there is such a thing) Indian wedding/dinner in San Jose. We wanted to do a larger reception in San Francisco after both these weddings. I feel like it's starting to get out of hand. I want to have the wedding in Seattle at this hotel I love. It's going to be at most 120-150 people, preferably smaller. The Indian wedding for just his FAMILY is going to be 100 already, plus they want to do a sangeet as well. His family is upset because they feel like the Indian wedding is already too small and won't be as fancy as the Seattle wedding. I'm so upset about all of it. I feel like it's going to totally separate the families by having two wedding. But he has tons of family coming from India and we feel like we can't ask them to travel up to Seattle. Likewise, I can't then turn around and say to my family that we expect them to travel but not his. Does anyone have any advice?
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Re: Clash of cultures

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    ellnorellnor
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I imagine that you must feel very torn and I am sorry that you are having to go through so much stress during such a happy time.  I thought of 2 options that I hope will be helpful... One would be to have a destination wedding somewhere other than Seattle or SF.  That way it wouldn't be on anyone's "turf" and it wouldn't be as though you were choosing one side over the other.  Those who really want to be there to celebrate you and your FI (which is ultimately the reason for a wedding) would make the effort to go. It seems as though you really like the hotel in Seattle, so maybe you could just have a shower or engagement party there? Another idea would be to just have your Seattle wedding and then you and your husband go to India for another celebration.  It would be easier for the 2 of you to travel than have everyone come to SF.  Since my FMIL's family is not going to be able to come here for our wedding, his grandmother wants FI and I to go to Korea a year or so after the wedding so I can meet her and the aunts/uncles/cousins and we will just have a big dinner there to celebrate with them.Good luck and keep is posted!
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    myoctwedding09myoctwedding09
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was in a similiar situation as yours.  My wedding is in October of this year.  My FI is Hmong and I'm Korean.  My family is in Korea (except my mom,dad,brother) and all of his family is in Sacramento (huge family).  We even thought about 2 weddings, one in Korea and one here but after all, it drove me CRAZY.Let me tell you this, your wedding happens once in your lifetime and remember that IT IS YOUR DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  With an awesome support of my FI, we set down with both families and talked seriously about what we really want for our wedding.  1.  We are going to have a small wedding with just immediate families from both side and OUR close friends only of 80 people in Sacramento Venue that I picked out and love.  2.  Both families sacrificed inviting extended families. 3.  FI big family is throwing a separate after wedding party for the rest of the folks on his side.  Because they sacrificed for us, we are going to let them have the party their way....all the way....they are going to have fun planning it.4.  Since no families from Korea can come, we are making our honeymoon a short and close distance one so that we can save money and go to Korea next year to visit everyone.*You can have the wedding in seattle but make it small like 100 and simple so that it will equal to Indian wedding in San Jose.*Cut out the SF reception.  You don't need it.  With that money, you and your FI can go do something special for yourselves.*It's okay to separate the families since the main people of the wedding is YOU AND YOUR FI, not the guests.  They will never see each other after that one day anyway.Let me know this helps!
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    BentleyBabyBentleyBaby
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That's definitely a hard situation. FI & I had a difficult time for a while deciding where to have our wedding. He's lived in FL his whole life, I grew up in PA. So no matter which state we picked, one side would be left to travel while the other did not. We actually decided to have our wedding "destination" style I suppose. We picked NC. Right in the middle. And yes, some guests will not be able to travel, but we felt it would be extremely unfair to pick either PA OR FL. I think 2 weddings would be a good option if it's in the budget for you. Is there a reason you picked those cities in particular? (Seattle, San Jose, San Francisco)
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