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BM's & dates

cantblobubblescantblobubbles
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I have heard it is proper etiquette to let your maid of honor and BM's / GM bring dates to the wedding they are standing up in. I'm a bit confused with this, just because of personal experiences. I have stood up in 3 weddings, 2 of which a date was not invited for me, or any of the people standing up unless they were married. This made sense to me, I would be walking down the aisle, standing up for the wedding, and then sitting at the head table, why would I have a date? What have you/will you do for your BM's?
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Re: BM's & dates

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    tlv204tlv204 member
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    They were all invited to bring dates.  No one ended bringing anyone random, they only brought people if they were in a relationship, probably just because they didn't want to entertain them all night.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I gave everyone a date.  I didn't have a long ceremony and did not have a head table.  So outside of getting ready, pictures and the short ceremony they hung out with their dates most of the night. Oh, outside of getting ready, pictures and the cermony I didn't hang out with the WP either as I was WAY too busy talking to other guests.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    georgia_bride09georgia_bride09 member
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    My entire wedding party was given the option to bring a date if they didn't have an S/O. I didn't have a head table, so all the BM's and their dates or S/O's sat together, and the GM's and their dates or S/O's all sat together. It would be rude to ask your closest friends to be there for you to witness your ceremony but not give them the option to bring a date.
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    Soon-to-be Mrs. VogtSoon-to-be Mrs. Vogt
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    You absolutely have to invite their S/O's (spouses, engaged, living together, long-term relationship)...but it would be nice of you to invite them with a date if they aren't in a relationship. They're doing you the favor on your wedding day, the least you could do is invite them with a guest.We invited every guest who wasn't in a relationship with a guest. Until TK, I had never heard of being invited to a wedding without a guest. Unless I was certain that there would be someone at a wedding that I knew and could hang out with, I probably wouldn't go to the reception. Sitting at a table by yourself all night while others dance is not fun.
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    cantblobubblescantblobubbles
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    That makes sense Lyndausvi, for the 3rd wedding I was in this summer I brought my (now) FI because there was no head table, and a very short ceremony. We are having a head table for sure, so I don't know what to do. Invite them, and just put all the dates at one table?
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    ac_in_dcac_in_dc member
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    I wouldn't worry about it yet. You've got lots of time. My sister is my MOH and she's a single mom, twice divorced with 4 kids. She definitely is the type to bring some random guy to a wedding. I wound up inviting her without a guest (she didn't have a boyfriend at the time) and told her if she met someone in the meantime that she'd like to bring, she was welcome to.Not perfect etiquette, but it worked OK, and seemed to insure me from having some random guy hanging out with my family all weekend.
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    cantblobubblescantblobubbles
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    Soon-to-be, but wouldn't inviting their dates do the same thing, just leave them (the dates) sitting by themselves for half the night?
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    tlv204tlv204 member
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    A lot of the time nowadays, the bridal party sits with their dates, because, like you pointed out, it's sometimes awkward if they don't know anyone else at the wedding.  Instead of a normal head table, we did a sweetheart table for the two of us, then a round table right next to us on either side for the whole bridal party and their dates.  Could that work for you?
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    ac_in_dcac_in_dc member
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    A lot of folks on this board recommend seating the WP with dates.  Head tables are not as common as they used to be, either.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    well don't you have any WP members in a relationship (married or long-term)?  What are you doing with them?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    ggmaeggmae member
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    All WP members were invited with dates. 6 brought dates and 4 did not. I never would have considered not inviting them with a date, even if they were single.
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    sarabellamsarabellam member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    I don't allow my BM's to date yet, so no dates. Typically the BP is given the "+1," whether they are in a long-term relationship or not.
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    cantblobubblescantblobubbles
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    Sure I do, but they would have been invited regardless of whether their SO was in the wedding party or not. My sisters and brothers are standing up, so their husband and wives would be there, but I have 2 friends that are standing up that aren't married or in a long term relationship. I was just curious as to what other people are doing. Like I said, I have been in 2 weddings where I could not bring a date.
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    Soon-to-be Mrs. VogtSoon-to-be Mrs. Vogt
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    We're doing a head table (which tends to be frowned upon around here, but is traditional in my area)...anyway, for the dates who aren't also part of the wedding party, they will sit with people they know. No one in my WP is bringing a random date, that I know of (I only have 3 single people in the whole WP). However, I was in a wedding party once that had some random dates, and the dates got to know each other at the pre-wedding events. They played golf together the day before the wedding, hung out at the RD, and then hung out while the girls were getting ready. There was a table of WP dates, basically, and I think a couple of the ushers.It's just for dinner that they would be sitting away from their S/O's...what I was talking about is after dinner when people get up and mingle/dance...the person who wasn't allowed to bring a date does what? Sits at the head table with their head in their hands?
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    ggmaeggmae member
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    Why not skip the head table and just do a sweetheart table for the 2 of you? We sat at a table alone and our WP sat at round tables with their dates, friends, and/or families. A few thanked us for this because they enjoyed sitting at the round tables. IMO, head tables are outdated.
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    Pirata13Pirata13
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    All of ours will be "and guest"ed.  3 are married, 2 probably won't bring dates, and if my one BM is still seeing her BF at the time she'll bring him. If he doesn't really know anyone, we will seat him with fun people he will feel comfortable with. My BM will know which of our friends he'll feel more comfortable with. But in all likelihood, he'll know at least a few people there.
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    Soon-to-be Mrs. VogtSoon-to-be Mrs. Vogt
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    So, basically, you're talking about 2 extra meals? Just give them the dates...it won't cripple you financially, and if your friends feel more comfortable with a date, then they'll be really grateful.If they don't want to bring a date, then you're not out anything.Plus, A LOT may change in the next year (they could end up in a relationship or even married by then)...which means you really don't need to worry about it right now.  
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    cantblobubblescantblobubbles
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    Ok....with that logic though, then everyone should be able to bring dates, which I have seen a gazillion posts on TK about you don't need to feel obligated to include and date, and people complaining about people adding +1 on their invite and such. I do think that's a good idea to put the WP dates at one table (we WILL have a head table, don't know when that became uncommon?).
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    cantblobubblescantblobubbles
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    Ugh, Ok I don't know why this turned into my situation, I know I have over a year. My OP was just asking what everyone did, since I have stood up in 2 weddings without dates invited, and I had seen on here that it is proper to let your WP invite dates.
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    sucrets4sucrets4 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    I think head tables have been 'out' for awhile depending on the area you're in.  Personally, I don't like them because you are splitting up WP members from their dates, and that's probably why their popularity declined.  We had a sweetheart table (that we were at to eat and for toasts, prob 15 min tops) and our WP sat at tables with their 'groups'.  As a guest and WP member, this is my preferred set up.  Even though it's your wedding, I'd still like to sit with my family/friends!
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    jadebabyjadebaby member
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    I am a lurker but wanted to chime in... If that's alright... The way we did it: Our BP was given an invitation to include a guest if they wanted to bring someone. We had 7 and 7... and a good mix in there. Some were married (BM married to GM X2), some had long time BF/GF and others were single. It ended up that we were able to have two tables designated to the BP and their guests... That way we didnt have a random table in the corner with the BP's dates... But like I said, it worked for us. Just thought I would share... You dont HAVE to have a traditional "head table".
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    lpstllpstl
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    We didn't invite anyone (BP included) with a plus one unless they were in a relationship. Out of the entire WP we only had 2 GM who were single and they both knew everyone on the groom's side. They weren't offended either, out of the entire groom's side only 1 brought his GF because they boys viewed the weekend as man time.
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    goheels05goheels05
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    In answer to your question, we did allow our BP members to all bring dates.  Only one person brought someone "random;" everyone else either came stag or brought their SO.  DH and I sat at a sweetheart table and our BP members sat with their dates and friends.Why are you so set on having a head table?  Not trying to be snarky, I'm genuinely curious.  You ask what the dates are supposed to do, well obviously they'll have to sit by themselves, either at one table or mixed in with other guests, and it's going to be awkward, so why force something so outdated?  You ask when it became outdated--it became outdated when people realized how lame it is to go to a wedding and not be able to sit with your spouse/BF/GF/FI/date/friends.  Also, just because 2 of your friends did it to you doesn't make it ok.
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    ScarletGemScarletGem
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    We invited all of the WP with dates, but we also didn't want to split them up from their dates.  At the same time, FI and I wanted to sit with our WP.  So we're having a captain's table, or I think it's also called a king's table, which will be seated all the way around and there will be plenty of space for our whole WP plus dates to sit. 
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    goheels05goheels05
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    And for the record, I don't think it's rude to not allow BP members who don't have a SO to bring a random guest, weddings are rather intimate affairs, after all, but it's a nice thing to do if you're able to afford it, and with it only being 2 people, who may or may not accept your offer to bring a date, I don't see the harm.  JMO.
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    JuliaGoolia719JuliaGoolia719
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    We are obviously inviting all BP members who are in relationships w their SO's.  We are also inviting BP and immediate family members (parents and siblings) who are single w guests. In general, I've always been invited w guest when I was a BM, but unless I was dating someone never took advantage of it bc I know that I'll be busy all day and hanging out w friends all night.  I think its nice if you have the budget for it to invite them w a guest, so far we only have one BP member who is bringing someone hes not dating.
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    Leah&Christian09Leah&Christian09 member
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    we WILL have a head table, don't know when that became uncommon?Some time in the early 90's, right after hammer pants.
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    cantblobubblescantblobubbles
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    goheels - We're having a head table because that's how everyone in my family, and everyone is his family, has always done it. It's the traditional way to do things, and that's how we want it. I've only been to one wedding that didn't have a head table, and that was a very low-key, casual, outdoor wedding. And they were all after 1999!
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    blenderdanceblenderdance member
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    We have a head table, but we have a small wedding party, so we are just sitting the guests with us at the head table.  We also invited everyone who was not in a serious relationship to bring a guest...the one girl in my BP w/out a SO chose not to bring anyone because she didn't want to entertain someone, and my brother (a GM) is bringing a good friend of his with him...
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    JuliaGoolia719JuliaGoolia719
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    We are obviously inviting all BP members who are in relationships w their SO's.  We are also inviting BP and immediate family members (parents and siblings) who are single w guests. In general, I've always been invited w guest when I was a BM, but unless I was dating someone never took advantage of it bc I know that I'll be busy all day and hanging out w friends all night.  I think its nice if you have the budget for it to invite them w a guest, so far we only have one BP member who is bringing someone hes not dating.
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