Wedding Etiquette Forum

Somebody help me with this

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Re: Somebody help me with this

  • Kids are welcome at my wedding but I do understand why some brides have the "no kids" rule. Some see the reception as a time for guests to cut loose and party. I personally don't like being drunk around kids at a wedding or any other event, it just feels wrong.
  • Okay, well, thanks for the responses.  They've definately been interesting to read and I can't fault the reasoning behind them. 
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  • I don't understand why some folks are so insistant that I invite people I dislike to a party I am hosting. I didn't hurt anyone by not inviting kids, especially not those that post on the knot, so I don't get why you care who was invited to anyone else's wedding. Was this directed at me?  Because I just asked a question.
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • Think about it this way: Haven't you ever been at a grocery store or a move or something and there's a kid screaming or misbehaving somehow and the parents clearly don't know how to deal with it and it's irritating and possibly ruining your shopping/movie experience? ^Ditto this.  It's not the kids, so much as the parents that let them run around like tasmanian devils and ignore them.  I think there are 2 ways of looking at weddings, and that's where the differences in opinio come into play:1) weddings are family occasions, so ALL of the family should be present to celebrate2) weddings are adult functions and are not an appropriate environment for children (my personal view)
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  • We're only inviting family kids and kids who are in the wedding party.  If someone else brings their kids, I honestly don't care that much.  But if someone's little precious screams while I'm saying my vows and they don't take them out of the sanctuary, I'm going to poke them in the eye. Just saying....
  • Yes Nugget, it was directed at you.  You weren't simply asking a question.  Every time this type of question gets asked (either pro or anti-children) it comes across as the OP saying "Well I like kids, and you must be really messed up to not want them at your wedding."  I modeled that response after the last sentences in your OP, so if that offended you maybe you should take another look at how your question was worded to begin with.
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • I agree with tide, very well put.
  • That's a good way to put it Tide. To me, a wedding is an entire family affair and I wanted adults and children invited, but I can understand why some people prefer their wedding be adults-only.
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  • And Nugget, you make a good point in your OP - A few of my friends were much louder and more annoying than any of the kids were. You'd catch more people rolling your eyes at them than the kids at my wedding.
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  • Yes Nugget, it was directed at you. You weren't simply asking a question. Every time this type of question gets asked (either pro or anti-children) it comes across as the OP saying "Well I like kids, and you must be really messed up to not want them at your wedding." I modeled that response after the last sentences in your OP, so if that offended you maybe you should take another look at how your question was worded to begin with. Actually, I was simply asking a question. Hence the question mark after my inital sentence. Did I say anywhere in there that I think children SHOULD be invited?  No.  I asked WHY some people who didn't want to invite them felt so strongly about it.  And I said in another post, I obviously didn't consider some of the things people brought up, like just plain not liking children, and I couldn't fault their reasoning for that.  I don't give a sh*t who you invite to your wedding.  Hell, ring up Charlie Manson if you want. Maybe you should take a look at why you jumped onto the Good Ship Defensive at my question.  It's the interwebz.  Who the hell cares what people think about who you invite to your wedding.
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  • I've seen that a few of you have invited only certain children. If I invite cousin's children, that'll bring us to about 30 kids. I have 13 nieces and nephews all under the age of 16 and I want them to be there especially since their parents are all in the WP. My siblings and I were raised to be very well-behaved and well-mannered and my brother and sisters have instilled the same behavior in their children. If one of their kids did have an episode during the ceremony or reception, they would be taken outside asap. I can't say the same for cousin's kids, they pretty much let them run around like crazy people and don't watch them. It's not that I don't like children, I don't like the parents who let their children behave that way. Anyhow, if you only invited certain children, how did other family members react to this? How did you address your invites and word your response cards?
  • Who the hell cares what people think about who you invite to your wedding.Funny that that's exactly what I said to you in my reponse....Also, reread your OP.  The whole thing was a list of reasons why everyone should invite kids to their wedding.I'm not the one who was getting defensive, but thank you for reminding me why I haven't liked you since the first time you posted here.  You're ignorance is shining through again.
    kd.joseph's wish is my command
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    And betrothed, I'm disgusted with most of the comments that you have posted. I don't think I've ever read such judgmental comments in my life. I'm so lucky that the girls I speak to on theknot are nothing like you...I would've never come on here for ADVICE if I would've encountered a big a bitch as you. I genuinely feel awful for your children or your future children, and I think it would be irresponsible of YOU not to invest in their future therapy sessions starting now. Because trust me when I tell you honey, they're gonna need it. ~jcaruncho2010
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  • it is definitely the parents' fault if their children misbehave but whose fault it is does not change the fact that they are misbehaving! FBIL and his wife did take care of their kids for a lot of the wedding but my FI was taking care of the flower girl for at least an hour. Its his neice and he loves her and i don't even think it bothered him that much. it did bother me a little though. i wanted his attention and he was being pulled into the bridal suite to play games every two seconds!
  • Also, reread your OP. The whole thing was a list of reasons why everyone should invite kids to their wedding.Okay, do you have a problem with reading comprehension?  Did you miss when I said I had obviously not thought of some of the reasons people listed, and that I couldn't fault their reasoning behind not wanting children at the wedding?  I'm not the one who was getting defensive, but thank you for reminding me why I haven't liked you since the first time you posted here.Well, considering you're the one who jumped in with the "why do you care who I invite to my wedding" out of nowhere, I'd say you were.  But whatevs.  I guess I'll go back to being ignorant in my corner.
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    If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat. image

  • because i don't like them. why would i want them there?
  • Meh, I can honestly say I don't like the behavior of many small children, but I lay the blame entirely at the feet of the parents in that situation. Too many parents are self-absorbed, self-centered, and overly entitled. They refuse to tell their little "darlings" no, or won't remove them from a situation when the child is not behaving in an appropriate manner. That is the parent's fault, not the child's.We had children at our wedding. If I had told my sister she couldn't bring my nieces, she couldn't have come, period. Being a 10 hour plane ride away, in a city where she has no relatives, she absolutely WOULD NOT get a sitter. Was her 2 year-old a bit obnoxious at times? Yep, that's the nature of the beast sometimes, but she would have been removed had she been disruptive.
  • I think there are 2 ways of looking at weddings, and that's where the differences in opinion come into play:1) weddings are family occasions, so ALL of the family should be present to celebrate2) weddings are adult functions and are not an appropriate environment for children (my personal view)^ Yes to #2. My views exactly.Add to this that I like children, but on my own terms. I like them when they are well behaved and well mannered. i don't like having them forced on me and I don't like when their parents are delusional. You know, the parents who think that their kids are the cutest/smartest/most darling/most perfect thing ever. No one will love their child more than a parent does - ever. As soon as more parents grasp that, perhaps there wouldn't be so many who are put out if there kids aren't invited to a wedding.
  • we are having an adult only wedding.  it is a black-tie event that is starting at 7:30pm and will go until about 1 or 2am.  there will be drinking, dancing, loud music... for me, having children there is about as appropriate as taking them to a night club. 
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  • Because it's a party in which alcohol and adult conversation replace pizza, a pinata, or pin the tail on the donkey. I did not want to have a conversation about Dora the Explorer or be asked to play candyland on my wedding day. I have never invited children to a cocktail or dinner party in my home, and it made the most sense to me not to do it for my wedding. Besides, depending on the age of the child they really cannot appreciate what it going on and would rather be at home watching Sesame Street and eating raw cookie dough with a sitter. And I'll tell you what happened with the one especially well behaved child that we were not able to get away with not inviting to the wedding. She is 5. The photographer had to ask her to get out of photographs about 12 times, she is four feet away from me as I arrive/take first look pictures and therefore obstructing everyone's photos (that I have seen), she took the camera off the table and took 24 photos without the flash (eh, who cares?), then stole the camera off my family's table and took 20 more photos without the flash. (BTW, I know this because her mother told me, she thought it was funny). She came up to us 4 times during dinner to talk to us. Started to open our wedding gifts. Not to mention she happened to be the guest that demanded the most of my attention while I'm trying to entertain a room full of my closest friends and family. The list goes on. None of these things are horrible by any stretch. But, they are annoying. Kids will be kids, even at your wedding.
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