Ok to not invite spouses?

jerseychef71 · August 2009

I want to be able to invite my co-workers. I work in a situation that is very close-knit; I cannot invite a couple of them and not everyone. That's ok, I can swing that. My question is: Is it at all acceptable to invite the co-worker and not his/her spouse? At just over $100/head, my wedding is at the top end of my budget and I'm feeling pressure to make sure I only invite people my fiance know and are familiar with. Anyone have any helpful advice?

thesuninherhead · August 2009

The answer is no- and think about how offended you'd be if the same happened to you. Personally, I would not invite any coworkers if I was you. If you don't see them outside of work regularly, or you can't see yourself being in touch with them in 5 years after you've moved on from your job, they don't really have a place in a wedding that you're trying to keep small.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2009

Absolutely not! Couples are a social unit and they are not to be split.Just don't invite any of your coworkers if it's a budgeting problem.

nvdmeulen · August 2009

agree completely with PP's. you can't invite 1 half of a couple. invite them with their spouses, or don't invite any coworkers at all.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

No, you absolutely have to invite spouses.

scoetto · August 2009

Yeah, you need to invite spouses. Are you really close with every single person you work with? I only see two of 50+ coworkers outside of work and they were the only two who got an invite (along with their significant others and kids). As PP said, if they are not someone you don't see socalizing or keeping in touch with after you leave the job, then don't invite them. Hell, I've been at my job 8 years as of next month and I've known a big chunk of them that long. But I used the "do I see them outside of work/will I keep in touch w/them after we move" logic and realized these people are not really a key part of our lives. Yes, I see them and socalize with them during the day, but after I go home, they're not on the agenda.

banana468 · August 2009

Ditto the smart ladies above. You MUST invite married people as a couple. You must also invite anyone engaged, living with the sig other or in a long term relationship as a couple as well.

[Deleted User] · August 2009

I agree with pp, you MUST invite spouses. I would not invite any of them.

Kiwi4me · August 2009

no. its not okay.

lindy.linder · August 2009

How would you feel if your FI got invited to a wedding (after you were married) and you were not allowed to come? andplusalso they probably wont even bother coming.

Puppylove*85 · August 2009

It's not okay to invite guests without their spouses.Have you considered not inviting co-workers at all? I understand that you work closely together as professionals. But if you don't have a social relationship outside the office then you probably won't see them again if you change jobs.

aerinpegadrak · August 2009

I think there's actually an Ask Carley Q&A where she says that in the case of a book club or another social group, it's okay not to invite spouses as long as you are eminently clear BEFORE invitations go out that the social unit being invited is the club, not the individual social units that comprise it. I'm not sure everyone here would agree, though.An office, however, isn't a social unit. Don't invite them. If you really want to celebrate with them, bring cake to the office one day soon before or soon after the wedding.

ffmaid · August 2009

No it is not acceptable to invite one half of a social unit and disrespect others marriages to and event that celabrates marriage. Better to not invite at all then to invite without spouses.

ffmaid · August 2009

one thing to think about on your giest list is assume everyone lives till your 50th wedding anniversary. Who do you expect tp invite to your 50th anniversary party. Anyone you do not 3expect to still be close enough to invite to your 50th anniversary party if they are still alive shoudl not be invited to your wedding. ( the if they are still alive is so that people like your great aunt who is 97 can still be invited personally i do not expect her to make it to 147)

SpringBride1114 · August 2009

Yeah, I would be pretty pissed if FI got an invite to a wedding and I wasn't allowed to come. Not a good move. Either invite no one from work or include thier spouses. I am even having my 18 year old cousins have the option of bringing a date. It they are an adult, and have a SO then they should be invited as well.

tidetravel · August 2009

You made the choice to have a wedding that costs $100 pp. You cannot split up any LTR couple just to save money.

noelle24 · August 2009

Why would ANYONE think this is Ok? Spouses, FI's, couples living together and any other long term couples NEED to be invited with their SO. If I got an invite to a wedding NOW without FI, I would decline. How rude.Explain to your co-workers that because of budget issues, you just can't invite everyone you would like to have at the wedding. Then don't invite any of your co-workers.

Calypso1977 · August 2009

a friend of mine did this and i was SHOCKED. her arguement is that she'd never met the spouses, so most likely tehy woudnt have wanted to come anyway. its not proper.

lyndausvi · August 2009

NO. I have seen co-workers not come with spouses knowing the couples budget restrictions or the spouse did not want to attend, but it was their choice.

duckie1905 · August 2009

They are a social unit. It is really rude to invite your coworkers without their SOs. Either include them, or don't invite the coworker at all.

Ok to not invite spouses?

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