VENt/Help - Upset with a friend

DALFSU06 · August 2009

I have a friend who I asked to be in my wedding last year and around April when it was time to order the BM's dresses she told me she could not afford to be in my wedding so I was okay with that. A little upset with her but understood her finacial situation. Then when my Bridal shower came around she was not able to make it because her husband scheduled their 5 year anniversay celebration that weekend. Okay I could understand taht as well for not making it. Well now my bachelorette party is next weekend and her name was on the invite as one of the hosts and my MOH said to her if you say yes you have committed to this and you don't have to do this well she said no it's fine. Well I get an email today and she tells me that she won't be able to make it to my bachelorette party!! WTF!! She has cancelled on me three times is how i see it! So here is my question Should i Uninvite her and her husband to my wedding? I am spending almost $350 a couple and I would rather have a couple that is actually our friend then someone who pretends to be! To top it off she said she doesnt have the money to go to my Bparty but would really like to buy a nice dress for my wedding. she is only concern with spending her money onherself!! She tells me all this by email! I am pissed now and I dont care to invite them, am i being to harsh?!?!TIA

DALFSU06 · August 2009

One more thought, I know this will probably ruin our friendship but ever since I got engaged she has made no efffort to be my friend. So I already see it as I have lost a friend. So what would you do?

YHFoxtrot · August 2009

That's a really tough one. I think you have to decide if you want to salvage the relationship or not. If not, maybe just don't send her an invite to the wedding and be like, I figured you couldn't come since you haven't been able to be a part of any other wedding related activities? Or maybe that's an immature and spiteful approach..I had a hard time w/ inviting one couple to my wedding. She gave me a last minute invite to her wedding via text message and it was in another state. I thought we were really close but this spoke volumes to me about our friendship. I wasn'[ going to invite her to my wedding b/c her excuse to me was she didn't want to burden me to have to come all the way to Ohio for her wedding, so I was gonna be all mad and spiteful and not invite her and be all "Oh I didn't want to burden you to come all the way to Miami" but in the end, I saw it being drama so I invited her.I still struggle w/ this.If it's going to stress you out to do this, don't. Just invite her knowing she probably won't show anyway. That avoids drama and you did the right thing and she's the crappy friend. IF you go the other way, you risk looking and possibly feeling bad. Ok I suck at giving advice. Sorry.

millenia98 · August 2009

I completely agree with Jaime - completely!! Save the drama for her mama - and invite her. She probably won't show. If she does, she has some balls b/c I'd be so embarrassed. If she does, be happy and party with your family and close friends who have always been there.

Anagloria83 · August 2009

First off, I'd be mad at her husband for scheduling their anniv. celebration on the weekend of your shower. That's very inconsiderate. I'm also sort of joking, but seriously.Her friendship to you is obviously important, otherwise, you would've have asked her to be your BM in the first place, right? You mentioned financial problems on her part, so I'm gonna assume that everything else is related to financial troubles. But that doesn't justify her lack of tact and consideration in not letting you know ahead of time that she can't commit to your bach. party. On the other hand, it doesn't seem to me like she's concerned on spending money on herself only. If someone had to pick what's more important, your friend's bday or wedding, I'd pick wedding. Birthdays happen every year. Weddings happen once, ideally. Why get upset because she wants to look nice to your wedding? Again, it sounds to me like she's got $$$ issues. Otherwise, she'd be able to make it to your bday as well, no? I think you should calm down and don't stress yourself out over this. You'll be plenty stressed the closer your wedding is, save it for then. If she was such an important friend to you that you asked her to be BM, then you should have a heart to heart talk with her. Let her know how you feel, like she's throwing you to the curb, and you want to know why. It's probably all a big misunderstanding. I don't see a reason why you need to disinvite them from your wedding.

Kitty315 · August 2009

I don't think you're being harsh. If it were me.. I would say fair-weather friends don't get an invite. And to be honest, I would be worried that she would RSVP yes and then not show up. GL!

tiffanyc0922 · August 2009

oohh man i'm so sorry to hear that.. I would be super pissed off. Uninviting would def ruin any friendship that is supposedly still there.. I would talk to her in person *at least you have the balls* and explain how you feel.I know she doesn't understand how much it means to you..Hope everything works out... just think 25 days!!!

Courtney1-16-10 · September 2009

I am currently dealing with a similar situation. I have a friend that assumed she would be in my wedding, but unfortunately, I don't feel that we are that close anymore so she wasn't asked to be in the wedding. She has since stopped talking to me and has trash talked me to all of our friends. The biggest problem is that her husband is the best man and I DO NOT want her at my wedding because I feel she'll distract me. Some people don't understand that it isn't about them. This is your and your FI's day. They need to put their petty BS aside and let you enjoy your time without the drama.

VENt/Help - Upset with a friend

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