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Is anything "off limits" for encore brides these days?

triciashawntriciashawn member
First Comment
in Second Weddings
Just curious to know if anyone feels anything is reserved only for first time brides only. Please weigh in on veils, wearing white, showers, registries, being given away by dad, etc. Both my intended and I have been married before. We both had traditional weddings but the marriages were short (and abusive!) on both counts. We don't want to offend anyone but we also don't want to pay deference to previous marriages to people who were less than kind - it seems like it allows them to continue the abuse. For what it's worth neither of us have children so we don't have little ones' feelings to consider here. He has been divorced for 10 years and I have been divorced for 5. Both our exes have remarried and we have no contact with them. Thanks in advance for any input!
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Re: Is anything "off limits" for encore brides these days?

  • 2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    About the only thing that is off limits is expecting the same guests to give you gifts for both weddings, or expecting parents who have paid for one wedding to pay for another.  Then again, even at a first wedding, it's best not to expect gifts or parental support, but to be happy if they are offered.Other than that, do what you like!
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree w/ pp.  We kept everything a little toned down (meaning I didn't wear the traditional big gown with a mile long train, didn't do a bouquet toss or garter toss).  But that's not really what I wanted anyway.  So do whatever you want - it's your party.  If you want to wear a veil, go ahead.  There was a good thread recently on this board asking us 'older' ladies what we were going to do at our weddings, and there was a great variety of responses.  Can't go wrong with simple and tasteful.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nope, nothing's off limits.  It's whatever you're comfortable with.  Like the pp, we "toned it down"--we actually had a private ceremony with just the two of us and the officint, no wedding party and no guests. I wore an ivory long dress (the first time I wore a satin short dress:-)   But people still sent us gifts, and my girlfriends insisted on throwing me a sort of "shower."   They didn't do gifts (they offered, but I told them I'd rather just have their time), but we had a wonderful evening of sharing hopes and dreams with one another over a couple of bottles of wine and some great home-cooked food.  Welcome to the board, and enjoy this happy time!
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  • nyreknyrek member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agree...nothing's off limits.  Many have toned down their weddings for whatever reason...but I'm actually doing it up! I never had a wedding the first time around, and my FI has never been married before.  My gown is huge and full of tulle (but I did opt for ivory as opposed to white.) I'm only having one bridesmaid, and my daughter will be my MOH.  My father would have walked me down the aisle, but passed away this summer...so I'm debating if I will ask anyone else or just go it alone. My family understands and is excited for me. They all say that I deserve this since I never had it before...and his family is so happy for us and supportive as well.
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  • jlk67jlk67 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Do whatever you want.  If you both had traditional weddings the first time around and it makes you uncomfortable to do it again, then make it an untraditional wedding.  Make it your own.  I wore a veil.  My gown was ivory, but only because I preferred it over the white.  It also had a semi-cathedral length train.  I registered after getting advice from the ladies on here, and it was excellent advice.  I had people asking me where we were registered and there is no telling what kind of gifts we would have gotten if we hadn't registered.  I didn't expect a shower, but my SIL put one together for me and it was really nice.  My dad walked me down the aisle, but did not "give me away".  I know some people in this world look down on us second brides.  We were lucky.  We had only support from our closest family and friends.  I think they would have been disappointed if we hadn't had a wedding that included all of them.
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  • pamila51510pamila51510
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Do what you want! If it makes you happy and it makes your heart sing then do it. It is your special day it is your party.  Make it a celebration that you will both hold near and dear.  Heck I just went to a wedding expo I think I was the oldest bride there but you know what I had a blast and my FI enjoyed trying cake.  Lots and lots of cake!!!
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  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You absolutely CANNOT under ANY circumstances give in to the pressure/ raised eyebrows/  etc  from people who have the audacity to say, "well...it IS your second wedding, so I don't imagine you will be having a <fill in the blank>"  You WILL NOT forget to face them with the icy stare of death if they do say that, nor forget to either change the subject or reply with, "actually, we are planning on having that as part of this wonderful celebration of finally finding new love, why would you ever suggest that it wasn't appropriate??"I am evil.  ~Donna
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  • NYHarleyBrideNYHarleyBride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Welcome! There really aren't any rules, other than like Donna said, ignore or respond back to the not so supportive advice of others. I didn't wear white the first time and am not this time. I am an ivory girl, but white may be your color. I was not planning on wearing a veil, but after urging from my mother, I tried it on, and it did complete the look with the dress, so for 20 minutes, I'll have at it. The tiara actually looked gresat, I have the right shaped face for it, but I felt sort of silly, so just some pretty hair pins/comb.I absolutely did not want a shower (and I think my family sort of thinks it would be taboo anyway, so I lucked out), but my cousin threw me a wonderful luncheon, and I did get a spa gift and a beautiful necklace, and some sentimental items. We did not register. A few had asked, but at that point, it was late in the game, and just felt odd for us. If I had to do it again, I might have re-thought that, but no biggie. We want people to share the moment with us, not give us gifts. This is a day to celebrate the two of you and your love. Start with your vision and make it happen...
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  • ZoolooZooloo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is nothing more off limits than with a first wedding. You make your wedding your own.
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  • Stephanie24/7Stephanie24/7 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No limits. I really didn't have a first wedding(married in the courts) Same with you. We both were married and in relationships because we were young and stupid. My FI's wedding was a small wedding with just family. She treated him bad and cheated on him. I had a court marriage he cheated on me. So we both are going into this thing for love and not holding anything back. We been together for 7 1/2 years. Both have kids around the same age. He has 3 and I have 2 and we have a 6 year old brat together. We didnt want to rush like our other marriages. We are in this for love, not because we feel we have to. So my answer no holding back.
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  • YoungerthaneverYoungerthanever member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Dear second time around. Be traditional- don't be traditional.   This is your time to shine and shine you must, do it with style and flare make it your own.  My advice is if parents want to help go for it, if they don't it is their problem.  It is my opinion that both of your parents know your past and know you deserve love.  If you want Dad to give you away ask...If Dad says no.  Take that walk proudly with your head held high.  Do all of the tradional things if you want.  Just don't be upset with people who hold to the traditioal values and refuse to be apart of your happiness.  You can count on true friends and loving family members.  Go for it all, you and your husband to be deserve all the happiness this events hold.Have fun with it, its your turn to call all the shots this time around.
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  • joyangelajoyangela member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Im doing the same thing as nyrek. I had a very small intimate wedding the first time, not what i wanted. I wore a dress without a train or a veil, no one walked me down an aisle, we had no dj, no honeymoon, there was no bridal shower. None of the stuff I look at as funstuff. This time, its my FI's 1st time, my 11 year old son is walking me down the aisle, i will wear the gown with the veil, we are having a big bash in a ballroom, with a dj. We are having the total "traditional" wedding, and I am sooooo looking forward to it. I dont really give a rats a-- what anyone thinks. This is for myself and my fiance to enjoy. I say do what YOU want to do with your wedding, forget about what everyone else things is "appropriate" In my opinion, if they dont like it they dont have to come.
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