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Need Advice

lfritoslfritos member
First Comment
in California-Northern
My mom wants to invite all of her and my Dad's aunts and uncle's to the wedding. They are not paying for the food or the venue, both would go up in price if we were to add people. They are contributing for flowers, the photographer, and my dress. Does that give her the ability to add people? I told her that it is important to us to keep it small and that there are friends of ours that we are not inviting, but she just keeps saying that we will talk about it later... The worst part is that I don't even know many of the people she wants to invite.
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Re: Need Advice

  • suzeqzeesuzeqzee member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Have your mom make a list of everyone she wants to invite.  It might help her to realize how much she is asking when you tell her how much each person is going to cost.If you can pin her down (and do it soon) then you might be able to negotiate.  Once you see how many people she wants, tell her how many she can have and then offer her a limited number of open spots for people who negative RSVP.I guess I'm not the best person to ask because my mom is still adding people...which I posted about below.  Sigh.I thought I pinned her down...and now there are more people.  Good luck!
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  • isoletteisolette member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    in my opinion even if they were paying for the whole thing it is still yours and your FI's day, and you should have there teh people that matter to you FI is actually the one that made me see this FMIL gave us a list and said but is was only a request turned out half the people she had in the list were already considered but she had a few people we some family some not, whom I haven't even met, but I was still wanting to accomodate and stressing over it BTW FMIL & FFIL are paying for food and venue, and FI said " Iso if in the past 5 years (how long we've been together) I have not seen these people they are not that important and do not need to be there I want the people we car about there" so I am going with it, and no longer stressing sorry about the long response but I hope it helps
    my updated Bio~Save the date 11/08/09> 110image 0image 0image 110image RSVP Date 06/30/2010
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  • sudsloversudslover
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm a FMOG.  If I wanted to add people to my son and his FI list, I would expect to pay--and that is only if there is room.  Tell your mom that you have set aside money for ## guests, and you are at that number now.  If she wants to invite the grand aunts and uncles, she would need to contribute to cover those people because you don't have the money.   Of course, that is only if there is space.  If the venue won't hold any more, you are home free.I wish you the best as you plan and then enjoy your wedding.
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  • hmschultshmschults member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Be careful too with them saying that they will pay..Fi's mom said that she would pay for her extra people, but then conveniently forgot..luckily my parents can cover it but still sometimes people will say anything to invite these random people...this is how my wedding got up to 200 people..crazyness
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  • mjlkhkmjlkhk member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    What we did was...........When told to invite people we hadn't seen in years or were not close to....We asked FI's mom and my dad and my grandma who they wanted to invite. FI's mom gave us 2 names we didn't have, my dad gave me none, and my grandma gave me about 10. We then stated, "Thanks, we'll add them to the list." And we did........when it came time to cut people..........they all got cut...not because it was pre-determined but because in the 4 years we have been together we have never seen them, lol. When asked, "did you invite.... ___ ?" Our comment is/was, "we are keeping things small and of the 130 who are on the list we can't invite them all."no specifics, no feelings hurt :-) plus we are funding it all ourselves so ultimately it is our choice.
    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • Equine OsmosisEquine Osmosis member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    mjlkhk- LOL! I like that! "We'll add them to the list." But they'll be on the bottom of the list and the first to be cut!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • lfritoslfritos member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Haha that is funny! Thanks for all the advice! I gotta say I love this board! My mom feels that it is rude to not send invitations to certain people, and swears that they will not show up (they RSVP'd Yes to my sister's wedding but never showed up, her wedding was bigger). I will try some of these things. She hasn't mentioned anything about paying for them, but I'm sure she will offer. I just don't want ot accept her offer, We really want to keep the numbers low.... maybe I'm being to stubborn.Thanks again.
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  • mjlkhkmjlkhk member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Not stubborn. This is your wedding and you want it a certain way. In most circumstances that would be acting as a brat to want something ONLY your way. However, in this case you are a bride and there are different rules. Do what makes YOU Happy. :-)
    BabyFetus Ticker
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