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bridesmaid question??

emilynchrisemilynchris member
First Comment
in Colorado-Denver
Hi Ladies! I am sure this might have been discussed before, but I wanted to see how others handled this situation and I didn't notice any posts in passing? I have a friend I have known since 1st grade, we were good friends until I moved in 6th grade. We kept in touch over the years but very very sparingly and just started talking on a more regular basis about a year ago. I hadn't planned on her being in the wedding, but she is upset I haven't asked her and said its all shes wanted in the 20some years we have known each other. I feel like a total jerk so I am just wondering if any one else had that same thing similar happen and how it worked out? I had asked her to go dress shopping with me for my dress when I first told her I got engaged, but I just thought it would be fun. Now another Bridesmaid is telling me I shouldn't have invited her unless she was in the wedding! So I feel worse! I didn't know?! (She didn't end up coming). Anyway TIA :)
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Re: bridesmaid question??

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    mandalay_415mandalay_415
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You shouldn't be guilted into making her a BM just because it's been her lifelong goal.  You should only ask those that you feel the day might not be complete without them otherwise.  If you hadn't planned on asking her, I would go with your gut.  I had some serious BM issues and really wish I had waited more than a month after my engagement to ask people...well, just that person really.  I knew I was going to ask 2 of the girls since the beginning of our friendship.  Just be careful who you ask...it really can make or break your planning process.  Mine almost broke me.As for asking her along for trying on dresses, I can see how it would be an honest mistake on your part but seeing as how she wants in the wedding, it may not have been the best idea.  I went along with one of my MOH's when she tried on dresses last year and I wasn't in the wedding (she'd had her party picked out long before we met)...it was fun!  I think it depends on the person and your friend doesn't sound like the best person to ask to go with you.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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    cobride2be83cobride2be83
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    your friend needs to respect your choice. my little sister isn't having me or my other sister in her wedding and although i'm a little (okay, a lot) hurt i'm not going to make it harder on her.and just some advice... go into this with knowing that you can't and won't please everyone and that it's supposed to be fun!hang in there and good luck
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    cadenaamcadenaam member
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    edited December 2011
    Along with the other girls I would not feel guilty for not asking her to be a BM.  It is not something you should just pick because someone wants to be in your wedding.  It can be really stressful if you don't have the right group of girls by your side.  Go with your gut. 
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    kjyoung9kjyoung9 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i agree w/pp's!  your bm's is no one's decision but your own and you shouldn't feel guilty, pressured, or otherwise influenced about it.  it can be hard when friends reconnect for one to realize that lots of life happened in the meantime.  she should focus on being happy to have you as a good friend again and let that grow into something evolved rather than an expectation that it should immediately be what it was.  
    Kelly & Kevin, Denver, CO 10.22.10

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    emilynchrisemilynchris member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Ladies! I think that kjyoung9 said it the best, that she shouldn't expect to leave off where we were when we were 11! ha ha! I spoke to my mom las night about it and she was shocked that she would expect to be in the wedding. But she said we used to talk about how we would get married and have houses next to each others and all that, so I felt worse! But then I got to thinking that I am sure I talked to many little girlfriends growing up about that! Ha! At any rate I am not going to let this bother me. This isn't the first time this has happened, I had another friend who stalked my 12 year old sister on facebook and asked her who was in the wedding cuz she wanted to be in it. But I knew that she was going to expect to be in the wedding and was going to freak out when she found out she wasn't. But I wasn't expecting this friend to expect it. But thanks for all your advice/support. :) I can tell this community is full of awesome girls and I am excited I found it! :) Plus I am already learning some things I didn't know!
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