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Adult-Only Wedding and Reception - How to Tell the Guests

Deidra123Deidra123
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Ladies,What is the most polite way to let family and friends know that our wedding and reception will be adult-only?  Especially, when we will have three children in the wedding?  The difficulty is also that there are at least three guests who will have babies under the age of 1 on the date of the wedding.  If I say adult-only on the invitations, will they understand that that means no babies?  How is this best and most gingerly handled?
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Re: Adult-Only Wedding and Reception - How to Tell the Guests

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    ndzenowskindzenowski
    First Comment
    Only put the adults on the invitations, not "the so and so family" Or "so and so and kids" and if they rsvp with more than just the adults, kindly give them a call and tell them no children.
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    lpstllpstl
    First Comment
    You don't put 'adults only' on the invitation.You address the invitation to the family members invited. If they RSVP for their kids you call and explain that they aren't invited.Nursing babies are generally an exception, especially for out of town guests. Excluding them pretty much excludes the entire family, so be aware of that.
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    ffmaidffmaid
    First Comment
    You shoudl never say aduylts only as it is rude and it is particularly rude if it is not the truth. Instead do what the polite thing is and only invite the adults. Mr Homer and Mr Marge Simpson do not mention the kids If they RSVP with the kids you call and say "I'm sorry but it simply is not possible to include bart lisa and maggy. We do adore them and hope to see them shortly after the wedding"
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    address the invites only to adults.  however, i personally find it contradictory when you say you want a kid free wedding then have kids in your WP. 
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    mmm_080809mmm_080809 member
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    [i]however, i personally find it contradictory when you say you want a kid free wedding then have kids in your WP.[/i] ditto.
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    MissSarah786MissSarah786
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    If had to arrange for child care for my young kids, then went to your wedding and saw three kids running around, I'd be pretty irritated. Irritated enough to mention it to you on that very day.
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    If you're not going to allow infants (who may still be nursing), you  might as well not invite the families that go along with them, because they likely won't come.

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Well in my circle it is assumed children are NOT invited unless their name appears on the invitation. Word of mouth is a good way. Find the people with the biggest mouths.  In my family it would be my mom and MIL.  One mention to them and the word would be spread.People always ask about wedding related stuff. It's not hard to slip in it's adult only into a conversation.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If you're not going to allow infants (who may still be nursing), you might as well not invite the families that go along with them, because they likely won't come.I think that really depends if they EBF (no bottles) or not.  I had 2 people with infants, both BF but still used bottles.  They both came without their kids...  Oh and it was an OOT wedding.  Neither question if their kids could come, as I said it's not the norm in my circle.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    andyandhillaryandyandhillary member
    First Comment
    i agree with lynda.  I think calling someone up and in a way "uninviting" people is rude.  I am having kids in my wedding too and some are our nephews.  I am not going to, however, not invite the infants in those families too just because they aren't in the wedding.  Word of mouth is the best and least offensive option, IMO. 
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    Deidra123Deidra123
    First Comment
    Nursing babies are usually the exception?  Wow.  They tend to be the ones who are going to start crying during the ceremony (which is one of the biggest reasons that I'm saying no kids and babies).  Ok, so address the invite to the adults and deal with it that way, then spread the rest by word of mouth in casual conversation.  Has anyone found a polite way to say no babies?  Mothers with new babies seem to me to be the most averse to leaving an event when their baby starts to cry (think church, graduation, etc.).  They sit right there while the baby cries.  What to do? What to do?  I know this sounds bad but I know what tends to irritate me.
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    DezNJose4evrDezNJose4evr member
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    I am in this exact situation: but the kids in our wedding party are my fiance's son (which is a must for him and only natural to have his son as part of his special day) as the ring bearer and his niece as the flower girl. I don't see it as a problem to ask for families not to bring their children and still have kids in the WP... you're not gonna have adult ring bearers and flower girls! But I am glad to read all the advice on not putting "adults only" on the invite and only addressing it to the adults invited. Good luck!
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    ask the mom "So have you found someone to watch  babyA for the wedding?"  I'm just happy I did not have to go through this.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    There really isn't a "polite" way.  YOu can just say "Sorry, we can't accommodate your baby" when they call to ask, or when you have to call them because they RSVPed for 3 instead of two.  But here's the thing.  While Lynda has a point, and not all mothers of infants exclusively breast feed, some do, and will not want to or be able to be away from their infants for that long.  They simply will not come.  You have to be prepared for that.  You also have to be prepared for the people that RSVP for 2 because they only need two meals, but then bring their infants anyway.

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    LauraT25LauraT25
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    you're not gonna have adult ring bearers and flower girlsYou don't need a ring bearer or a flower girl.  It's up to the B&G what happens, but I agree that it's odd to have no kids, but have children in the WP.  Especially since then you have one or two kids at the reception who are going to be bored without other kids around.
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    you're not gonna have adult ring bearers and flower girls!Well then, what are those of us without children, nieces, and nephews to do?

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    MissSarah786MissSarah786
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    Ring bearers and flower girls aren't required. I've never said this on here, but unless they're your kids, I think it's stupid and just a lame way to unneeded cuteness to an event.
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    MsGamblingGirlMsGamblingGirl
    First Comment
    Personally we're also having a no kids wedding, but with a niece and nephew as ring bearer/flower girl. I think it's perfectly reasonable. We'd have 16 children at our 100 person wedding if we extended the invite to children. Having 2 kids vs 16 is pretty different. You have to do what's right for your situation.
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    MsGamblingGirlMsGamblingGirl
    First Comment
    Or maybe your sister and brother in law are in their 40's and you wanted to find a way to include their family in your wedding because they weren't interested in doing the whole bridesmaid thing at 40 years old. My flower girl/ring bearer aren't an "accessory" to add cuteness.
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    MissSarah786MissSarah786
    First Comment
    Wait, wait, wait. You're saying kids are fine, but a 40-year old BM is somehow less okay?
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    MissSarah786MissSarah786
    First Comment
    Or are you saying the parents weren't interested?
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    LauraT25LauraT25
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    I don't see how having your niece and nephew is a replacement for having your sister and brother in your WP.  Unless they actually said, 'No, I don't want to be a bridesmaid, but I would like my daughter to be a flower girl', which in itself is weird.
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    vallyhoovallyhoo
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    J&K- I am your FG. I called it.
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    Sweet.  Vally, do you carry rings too?  Or maybe your FI (he'll probably be your H by then though) does?  That would work out well. 

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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    vallyhoovallyhoo
    First Comment
    Sure, I'll carry the rings. But not some fake plastic ring, you have to trust me with the real deals or no dice.
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    Is there ANYTHING not trustworthy of a knottie stalker from halfway across the country?  Or ALL the way across the country, if you go up and down.

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    vallyhoovallyhoo
    First Comment
    Well, I wouldn't trust me around your booze, but that's totally your call.
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    J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    Dude, you can have the booze, as long as I get my diamonds back.

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    vallyhoovallyhoo
    First Comment
    Deal.
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    Kati0105Kati0105
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    Wait, you aren't having Minka as your ring bearer?  If Vally isn't up for it I'd be happy to carry Minka down the aisle for you, with the rings around her neck naturally.
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