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"Ex husband" is a psycho...any advice???

heddabheddab member
First Comment
in Second Weddings
Hi ladiesThis is my first post, but I love reading all of yours so I thought I would vent to sympathetic ears!First off, I have been separated from my 2b ex husband since 10/07. He left me and our children to go live with the tramp he was having an affair with. Since then we have fought over everything humanly imaginable and thus are still not divorced!We are currently on our 4th set of divorce papers. We both signed this set of papers this past April and I thought all was good to go and I was on my way to divorce-land, YAY! In May of this year the sweet guy I have been dating for the last year proposed, since we were both under the impression I was finally divorced!In July when I still had not recieved final copies of my papers I called my lawyer to see why and found out my "ex husbands" shadey lawyer never filed the papers with the  courts!!! How is that legal!!!He is such a psycho! We took him back to court this week to do a Motion to Enforce and they showed up without their necessary paperwork (a revised child support worksheet as he was unemployed in April, this was supposed to be taken care of in June) so the Judge could not sign off!! Now I have to pay my lawyer to do the worksheet and file the papers just so I can get this over with!My "ex" is a control freak and for some sick reason is having a field day messing with my life! My wedding date is November 21st, if I have to move the date back because of his bs I just may lose it! Has anyone else had to deal with anything like this?
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Re: "Ex husband" is a psycho...any advice???

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    jeannigirljeannigirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So I am understanding that you are not legally divorced has of yet. so he is keeping you from getting married because his lawyer hasn't filed the paperwork. So thats why you have an attorney for him to handle that nonsense. His is screwing around and not having the proper paperwork. That sucks what a dirt bag. I hope that this all gets finished so that you can move on with your life. Good luck
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    heddabheddab member
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah it's become ridiculously complicated! I know nobody has had to deal with an "ex" like mine! We started trying to divorce in April of '08! We started off with one lawyer and an uncontested divorce. I got my own attorney last year because he kept jerking me around making all these crazy changes to the divorce papers. Now here we are nearly 2 years later and still no divorce!His lawyer had some lame excuse in court this week about not realizing they had to have that paperwork! Duh! What kind of lawyer is he?? I hate to pay my lawyer to do what his lawyer should have done back in April but I am beyond wanting this to be over.
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There are others who have had to deal with ex's like yours--fortunately I'm not one of them.  While my ex was a control freak on some fronts, he wasn't willing to mess around with the divorce proceedings because that wouldn't have left him free to pursue his "extra-curricular" activities on the side.  My sister is dealing with a similar issue though. What I have seen on this board is a lot of women who won't (or can't--depends on how one views it) be married again until their first marriage is annulled in the Catholic Church.  And that usually isn't the ex's fault, it's just a lengthy process.  The good news here is that you ARE able to take it into your own hands (and your lawyer's) and do what's necessary to make it happen.  Keep us posted on how it's working out!
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    heddabheddab member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies, We were married for 15 years when I found out about his "extra curricular" activities. It's crazy he was all for the divorce at first, then 7 months after we seperated I went on my first date and suddenly he started the I'm gonna-call-the-shots control freak thing! I finally had to get a lawyer because everytime we would have a "discussion" about finalizing things he would say "well unless you agree with xyz I'm not signing, you're the one that's ready to move on, I have all the time in the world". I have been trying so hard to remain cival with him, for the sake of our children but I am soooo sick of his games, so I guess I'm gonna have to be a b***h.  His excuse for not filing our papers in April was that he had MORE changes he wants to make! Uh how can you do that when we agreed and the papers have been signed??? This is the 4th time he has done this "I changed my mind" crap. How can I force this divorce thru the courts when he and his lawyer keep dancing around the Judge?? At our first court date back in February, they didn't even show up! They said they weren't notified! I wish the Judge would have thrown him in jail then! On a second note, since he was unemployed (he's a job hopping loser) in April when we signed, I put in our papers that he had to voluntarily fill out a new child support worksheet within 30 days of finding a job. They based my child support on umemployment wages (which is nothing to help support 2 teenage children!) Well he has had a job since May and still has not revised the child support. That's the excuse for this not being final. The courts are waiting on his child support worksheet! How is this fair and legal??
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The courts, IMO, are stacked against women in this regard.  I had to pay alimony for 4 years, and that was mostly because HE chose not to work, but return to graduate school--which I ended up paying for.  So, on paper, it appeared as if I was supporting him, and the judge said I should continue to do so.   Long, boring, story, but I believe that because the majority of judges are male, and the majority of lawmakers are male, they sympathize and emphathize with the men in their system.  Remember that the ERA didn't pass because that a$$hat Phyllis Schlafley and those of her ilk said that women wouldn't get alimony, but myself and at least 3 other women I know ended up PAYING alimony to our exes.  WTF? Oh, yeah, it's fair now.  Whatever.  Sorry for the rant.  I guess I needed to get that out of my system.  I guess I'm also showing my age if I can pull that horrid woman's name out of thin air.  Next thing you know I'll be ranting about Anita Bryant.    Ok, you youngsters, go google those names.  ;-)   
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    handfast4me, it's not nice to traumatize the young whippersnappers!  LOL
    Anniversary
    Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale
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    handfast4mehandfast4me member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LOL!!!!  We actually had an Anita-like woman on this board a year or so ago.  Oh, now that was a fun time.  My stars.
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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    heddabheddab member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ya ever notice that when it rains, it pours... Not only is my "ex" trying his best to cause problems, yesterday my FI tells me that his mom called to tell him she is divorcing his dad (after 40+ years). This wedding is getting more interesting by the day...I'm ready to say screw em all and go to Vegas....
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    NYHarleyBrideNYHarleyBride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Two years and four revisions is not fun, but it took me 4 years (thank you state of NY- I am told it was close to a record), and lost track of revisions, to get mine final (back in 2000). Everytime we would be ready to sign, he would come up with another clause that needed to be added. I also went through the cr*ap of taking a day off work and then his attorney didn't show up (while I was paying mine). It really got to the ridiculous point, and when we finally got to court, we were there for 6 hours (paying three lawyers). It's all worth it in the end, you just have to keep your chin up, suck up the lawyers fee and push hard to close.
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    heddabheddab member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks nyharleybride, I will die if it takes 4 years! I can not stand even thinking about still being married to that idiot! We got into another argument today about him wanting to add more revisions! No Way! The papers are signed and I am not doing anymore revisions! It sucks to pay attorney fees when this should have been over a very long time ago. It sucks even more when HE'S THE ONE THAT HAD THE AFFAIRS, 2 that I'm sure of.  I gave in to alot of things in the beginning just to try and move things along. But I am sick of giving him his way, the more I give the more he wants (much like our marriage).
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    NYHarleyBrideNYHarleyBride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I hear you. Mine retailiated bcause I won residential custody in court. I had to remind him, he was the one that sued me for custody and took me to court (thinking he would somehow prove me an unfit mother). Prior to that, similar to you, we had drawn up an agreement with a mediator and were about to have it processed by the shared attorney.One way you may be able to get through the last nitty gritty, see if you can have the two attorneys conference. Sometimes, that takes the emotional part out of it, and they can communicate back to you, and his attorney may advise him offline to cut the cr*p. I know that when I went back to fight for my back support, this worked (in my case).
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    thealphabridethealphabride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I feel your pain sista! My ex just flat out refused to divorce me. period. In my state, you have to be separated for 1 year, then you can move forward with your divorce even if the other party contests. Being with him made me hate men, so I didn't really have any desire what so ever to date any one ever again at that point. So I moved out (couldn't let him know where I was for a few weeks) and Of course I took my baby with me!!! He actually called me about a year later and said "ok, you can have your divorce" then I said, "ok, can I have what I want?" HIM: "What do you want?" ME: " full legal custody of our son, I pay his insurance, full education, pick the church, make all the medical decisions, and you pay child support and have liberal visitation" HIM: "ok" ME: (Picking my jaw up off the floor) "I'll call a lawyer and have him draw up the paperwork, you don't even have to get a lawyer, just show up in court" HIM: "ok". I was shocked. I pushed it through, it happened pretty quick within a few months. Then I had a big divorce party!!!  NOW...for the crazy stuff>>>>> He was/is an unmedicated bi polar man. He was, and still is (albiet he is on meds now) frickin angry, insecure, explosive, abusive, loud, unpredictable, jobless, homeless, douche bag. He had a job with the same company for 15 years when I met him and he worked for the duration of our marriage, and beyond, the jobless, homeless came later. He paid child support for about 3 years, than that was it. He remained in our child's life, had regular visitation, and our son adores him. Although the child support stopped, I wasn't going to punish my son by going to court and pressing the issue, or stopping visitation. He does a lot of actvities with our son. I still allowed visitation. He's very good to our kid but abuses the hell out of me emotionally. I won't get into that, but when he spit on me and slapped my face while holding our baby,(physical abuse)  I promptly left him, that day, and never looked back. After we separated I had to call the cops on him multiple times over the years, one being he broke into my house, at 10pm, I was getting ready for bed and he was trashing my house......It wasn't hard to leave him,  he had been abusing me a long time ... I had great family support. I've been divorced from him for 11 years and he is still a major thorn in my side. And our son still adores him. They still have regular visitation, do lots of activities etc...By the way he isn't a drinker or druggie. He is just plain cookoo. I never had much indication when he was going to go off. Sorry so long, just wanted to let you know, you're not alone... it totally sucks to deal with a crazy ex. I did move on with my life but didn't date for a full year and a half. Raised my son in peace, and am still raising him in peace (he's 13 now) ....AND>>>>did finally meet a wonderful man and I am marrying the man of my dreams next Sept.
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    heddabheddab member
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    edited December 2011
    OMG y'all I guess I'm not alone! I'm trying my best to be patient and let "justice" do it's thing. Our son is 15 and can not stand his dad because he knows why his dad and I divorced. Our daughter is 12 and she is clueless and has a great relationship with her dad. I'm not going to be the one to tell her why we divorced, I figure he will show her his true colors on his own one day.
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    Superchick7424Superchick7424 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well i totally know what your going through. I'm not divored yet either but weve been separated for a year. He moved me out and moved his girlfriend and her two kids in. We were only married 3 years and have no kids......you would think it would be a simple divorce but noooooo. He had to go file our taxes claiming ALL deductions including our new house credit.....all without me. I got nothing out of it and he even took his new family to Disneyworld with OUR money. Thats just the biggest of the screwups with this one. His lawyer wont talk to us....wont return phone calls or anything. I think shes realized how bad hes messed up and doesnt want to deal with it or us. Anyways....hopefully itll all be done with soon, next court date is Nov 6. Our wedding is planned for Oct 8 2010......I pray that im divorced by then.
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    heddabheddab member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ~Superchick7424~That is crazy! I don't know where these guys get off thinking they are so entitled to do whatever they want! Your "ex", like mine is the one that had the affair and they act they are totally innocent and should get to have and do whatever they feel.I have been trying to get this divorce since April of '08 (we seperated in '07). Everytime I think it's just around the corner, he pulls another stunt. I think it's just a matter of control to him now. Controlling my life and controlling how much child support he wants to pay. Because once we FINALLY get this over with he will have to pay more support. He was unemployed when we signed our (4th set) last papers in April, but he got a job in May. If you can believe it he is actually trying to make MORE changes to those papers! NO WAY!!My wedding is 53 days away and I'm really starting to worry that it's not going to happen, thanks to that cheating moron.Good luck to you girl, I know how ya feel.
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    hollieheidihollieheidi member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's so nice to find somewhere I don't have to feel guilty about not being divorced yet and being engaged.  I have a crazy psycho ex as well but again........just read pp they're all a pretty good likeness.My divorce hearing was July 31 and my attorney filed the papers to be entered Sept 23.  He has 5 days to appeal to the judge....so........here's to hoping I get a certified copy next week!My wedding is in March and I don't think he's smart enough to try and appeal the divorce.  He's not happy with the parenting plan, but his attorney has advised him the only way to change anything is to get me to agree in mediation so he's tried to make 2 appts. with mediators but has failed to provide the appropriate info to go through with it so.....I hope he doesn't try to put of the papers any longer.  He signed....Holding my breath.........
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    heddabheddab member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ~hollieheidi~Yeah it's a little weird being "married" and engaged. It sux to be tied to that person legally but to feel like you belong with a different (in my opinion, better) one. My FI waited until we thought everything was finally over with the divorce before he proposed, only for us to find out the "ex" had pulled another one of his tricks. He must get some kind of sick satifaction from doing this to me. I don't get it. My "ex" had an almost 2 year affair and moved out of our house to go live with his girlfriend, now he is giving me hell about finalizing this divorce! I never thought I would air my dirty laundry to perfect strangers but who else could understand garbage like this unless you've been there! Good luck to you, I really hope you get your final copy soon and you're a "free" woman so you can move on with your new life!
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    Superchick7424Superchick7424 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree its nice to talk to women that understand. For so long ive felt like I failed somehow and I was kind of ashamed of all this going on. I explained it to my mother as feeling like I just got out of rehab and everyone is talking about you, or is walking on eggshells around you. I think from talking with you guys Ive realized that its nothing to be ashamed of and its just made me a better person. Ive found the love of my life now and hes more of a husband to me now even though he cant be my real husband just yet, than my husband ever thought about. Thank you guys for making me realize this is something that happened that I cant control and I shouldnt be ashamed to move on and love again.
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    heddabheddab member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Going back to my attorney tomorrow to sign MORE papers to (hopefully) get this over with once and for all. Say a prayer for me ladies...
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    hollieheidihollieheidi member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Did he sign? ~crossing fingers~
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    heddabheddab member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    He told me a few days ago he was not going to sign because I refuse to agree to more of his stupid changes. But my atty told me that they will give him a deadline and if he does not come in and sign they are going to present my case to the judge and show that my "ex" is being uncooperative. My atty said that whether he signs or not they are going to present my case with a Motion to Enforce and the judge should sign off and declare my divorce immediately. That is my hope, it's been 2 long years of fighting and lawyers and I'm so over it!! I have 45 days until my wedding so I'm really hoping and praying this goes through quickly!!!
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