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MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK

alansbachalansbach member
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in Moms and Maids
hi guys, i really need help. My MOH and i had a falling out we dont even talk anymore, and we work in the same office together. Shes just completely shut me and i have talked to her time and time again about it. But im done, i shouldnt have to deal with such drama. I had to basically force her to get involved with my bridesmaids about the bridal shower. How do i say in a nice way that I no longer want you apart of the wedding, and i aplogize that she already bought her dress, but i can not deall with childish games any more. HELPPP!
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Re: MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK

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    lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First, I don't mean to be harsh.  Why did you try to force her to get involved with the bridal shower?  IMO, all that you should expect of your MOH is that she buy the dress you ask her to and show up on time on your wedding day, and she has already done half of that.  Anything additional that they do is just a bonus.  And why would you ask someone to be your MOH if she is so unimportant to you that something so trivial would lead you to be "done" with her?  Sorry, I don't get it - I think you're the one bringing the drama.
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    alansbachalansbach member
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    edited December 2011
    No, I am sorry I am NOT bringing the drama. There is more to the story and more abotu everything that has gone down between us that I dont feel like releasing to the public because it is none of their business.
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    xoxobxoxob member
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    edited December 2011
    1. You should have had nothing to do with your bridal shower. If your BMs wanted to plan it, they don't need the MOH involved. So, you need to say, mea culpa, on that one.

    2. If you guys are really that done, I highly doubt she is planning on being in your wedding. If she confronts you about the dress, offer to pay for half. Say, "I realize that no argument is entirely one party's fault and I am willing to take my half of the blame." This is just easier than fighting over who has to recoup 100% of the cost.

    3. Do not replace her. You can't promote one of your BMs without looking like a horrible person. You don't have a MOH now. (You didn't ask this, but I wanted you to be aware of your Ps and Qs)
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    DANACOGNETTADANACOGNETTA
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm, she already bought her dress and you no longer want her in your bridal party: the classy thing to do is to refund her for the dress this way she wont trash you later. I know it doesn't make sense since she's the one who's creating all the unwanted drama, however, I have only read YOUR side of the story. Secondly, why are YOU involved in your bridal shower? Isn't it supposed to be a surprise?
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-bride-longer-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c38a6938-6ac3-40e3-a79c-8de21eb703c8Post:55560b24-8d09-4464-bfe6-9be29cf66244">Re: MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hmmm, she already bought her dress and you no longer want her in your bridal party: the classy thing to do is to refund her for the dress this way she wont trash you later. I know it doesn't make sense since she's the one who's creating all the unwanted drama, however, I have only read YOUR side of the story. Secondly, why are YOU involved in your bridal shower? Isn't it supposed to be a surprise?
    Posted by DANACOGNETTA[/QUOTE]

    There is no rule that showers have to be surprises.  I HATE surprised, as does my DD.  She knew about her shower:  when it was, where it was, who was invited. The only things she didn't know were the small details:  menu, decorations.

    My niece was the same way:  she knew all about her shower as well.

    A shower is still a shower whether the bride is "surprised" or not.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    emarston1emarston1 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-bride-longer-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c38a6938-6ac3-40e3-a79c-8de21eb703c8Post:936da9c3-1564-4f4d-8afe-fc45eff7d184">Re: MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, I am sorry I am NOT bringing the drama. There is more to the story and more abotu everything that has gone down between us that I dont feel like releasing to the public because it is none of their business.
    Posted by alansbach[/QUOTE]

    Sorry but we can't side with you and give you the affirmation you want until we know the full story.  If you didn't want to share the details, how did you expect us to agree with you?  But I guess it doesn't matter much because we <em>never</em> agree that it's a good idea to kick out a MOH/BM.  
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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-bride-longer-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c38a6938-6ac3-40e3-a79c-8de21eb703c8Post:4cc15e33-228e-40c5-a617-8ff4f956a684">Re: MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK : Sorry but we can't side with you and give you the affirmation you want until we know the full story.  If you didn't want to share the details, how did you expect us to agree with you?  But I guess it doesn't matter much because we never agree that it's a good idea to kick out a MOH/BM.  
    Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

    But she is a special snowflake!
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Okay then, based on the details you have given, you cannot fire your MOH. You were in the wrong to insist that she get involved in planning your shower. You should have shared the BMs and MOHs contact info and stayed out of it beyond that.



                       
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    pokepoke27pokepoke27 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Bridal showers/bachelorette parties can be a little sticky. Obviously there are those that believe that the bride should not be involved AT ALL. I personally think that the bride should stay out of it unless asked specific questions by the BP - so that's my input on THAT matter. 
    I do think that you probably shouldn't have forced her to get involved, even if the BMs complained to you and made you ask her on their behalf (you really didn't give much information, so I'm just thinking about possible situations that would arise to make you feel you needed to confront her about this). 
    What you need to do is ask her if she plans on showing up to the wedding. If she says yes, then I think she's still your MOH (this could possibly mean a rekindling of the friendship later on). If she says no, then it was HER decision to leave the BP - she wasn't fired. I wouldn't ask one of the other BMs to step up as MOH as it may make them feel "second rate" though you could always have your mother/very close aunt fill the spot if you are worried about pictures. 

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    xoxobxoxob member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-bride-longer-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c38a6938-6ac3-40e3-a79c-8de21eb703c8Post:da1889f1-cda7-484f-857a-7cf31703a65f">Re: MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bridal showers/bachelorette parties can be a little sticky. Obviously there are those that believe that the bride should not be involved AT ALL. I personally think that the bride should stay out of it unless asked specific questions by the BP - so that's my input on THAT matter.  I do think that you probably shouldn't have forced her to get involved, even if the BMs complained to you and made you ask her on their behalf (you really didn't give much information, so I'm just thinking about possible situations that would arise to make you feel you needed to confront her about this).  What you need to do is ask her if she plans on showing up to the wedding. If she says yes, then I think she's still your MOH (this could possibly mean a rekindling of the friendship later on). If she says no, then it was HER decision to leave the BP - she wasn't fired. I wouldn't ask one of the other BMs to step up as MOH as it may make them feel "second rate" <strong>though you could always have your mother/very close aunt fill the spot if you are worried about pictures.</strong> 
    Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

    Aaaaah!! I was actually behind you on the whole "ask her if she plans to be at your wedding, if she says yes, she is still your MOH". However, I don't think a WP will ever rekindle a friendship.

    Don't ask anyone to stand in, it's rude and awkward! Uneven wedding parties look fine in pictures and are TOTALLY OK.
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    CA2MT4EveRCA2MT4EveR member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-bride-longer-talk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c38a6938-6ac3-40e3-a79c-8de21eb703c8Post:da1889f1-cda7-484f-857a-7cf31703a65f">Re: MOH & BRIDE NO LONGER TALK</a>:
    [QUOTE]Bridal showers/bachelorette parties can be a little sticky. Obviously there are those that believe that the bride should not be involved AT ALL. I personally think that the bride should stay out of it unless asked specific questions by the BP - so that's my input on THAT matter.  I do think that you probably shouldn't have forced her to get involved, even if the BMs complained to you and made you ask her on their behalf (you really didn't give much information, so I'm just thinking about possible situations that would arise to make you feel you needed to confront her about this).  What you need to do is ask her if she plans on showing up to the wedding. If she says yes, then I think she's still your MOH (this could possibly mean a rekindling of the friendship later on). If she says no, then it was HER decision to leave the BP - she wasn't fired. I wouldn't ask one of the other BMs to step up as MOH as it may make them feel "second rate" though <strong>you could always have your mother/very close aunt fill the spot if you are worried about pictures.</strong> 
    Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]

    That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.  As xoxob said, uneven sides are ok.  Why would you have someone fill in?!
    dont make ur password so easy. gbck2CA2 hahahaha
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    Whippet8Whippet8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    based on the information in your original post, if I were a BM, and depending on how the bride was forcing me to do anything, I probably wouldn't want to talk to her either. Considering that I am an adult, and I have my own life going on (which I may or may not tell the bride every detail about), no one will FORCE me to do anything.

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    duckie1905duckie1905 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd be pissed at a bride that forced me to participate in the planning/funding for her shower too.

    Without further info I'm going to say she has a right to be mad and you need to step up big time and apologize for your behavior.
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    tjcarter87tjcarter87 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Sorry, but I have no clue how someone goes from close enough to be your MOH to the point where you don't even talk. If she's causing drama now, odds are you knew she was a drama queen before you asked her to be MOH. Beyond that, I agree that you should just ask her flat out (@ work, If she doesn't answer your calls) if she's going to be in the wedding or not.

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    JennaV26JennaV26
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Let's be blunt here. If I were you I wouldn't "kick her out" if only because then you technically owe her for her bridesmaid dress. Ask her point blank if she still plans on being in your wedding and if she says no - voila! It was her decision and you don't owe her anything.

    I know that wasn't the question but I'm sure her dress is going to be an obstacle you'll have to tackle if she is no longer going to be in your wedding.
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    esmurphyesmurphy
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    How long to your wedding and how long since the falling out?  If you have time, and it hasn't been to long, maybe give things time to settle.  I know that my MOH and I had a big fight last year and we didn't talk for about a month but eventually we both removed our heads from our asses and talked things out.  If your wedding is coming up soon, ask her if she still plans on being it the wedding.  If things are really that bad then my guess is she won't want to be a part.  And I agree with PP, do NOT replace her - imagine how you would feel if you were MOH #2? 
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    KnibletKniblet member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    [QUOTE]1. You should have had nothing to do with your bridal shower. If your BMs wanted to plan it, they don't need the MOH involved. So, you need to say, mea culpa, on that one. 2. If you guys are really that done, I highly doubt she is planning on being in your wedding. If she confronts you about the dress, offer to pay for half. Say, "I realize that no argument is entirely one party's fault and I am willing to take my half of the blame." This is just easier than fighting over who has to recoup 100% of the cost. 3. Do not replace her. You can't promote one of your BMs without looking like a horrible person. You don't have a MOH now. (You didn't ask this, but I wanted you to be aware of your Ps and Qs)
    Posted by xoxob[/QUOTE]

    This, exactly.
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