Depression maybe?

Night_Sprite · March 2010

H has been dealing with what I'm pretty sure is depression lately (which is pretty likely given the mental health of his siblings and mother). I don't think he wants to go to a doctor, at least not yet. It doesn't feel like my place to make him do it. Is there anything I can be doing to be helpful?

kmurr010 · March 2010

If it's truly depression, there isn't much you can do. I went through it when I was in high school, and there was nothing anyone could do. I slept a lot and was miserable. Maybe patience and understanding is all you can do, but it still may not help. Good luck.

lmw4253 · March 2010

sorry to hear that. My FI lost his brother in December and is kind of the same and I feel the same as you. I suggested grief counseling and he said no, so II offered to go to counseling with him whenever he is ready if he wants. I think being there to listen and taking cues from how he is feeling is the best you can do. Being there as a strong person for him helps more than you know.

kikibaby · March 2010

Just listen to him and don't bug him about it too much. He'll decide on his own when he's ready for help. It took me almost 4 years to finally do something about my own depression. Sorry he (and you) are going through it though, it sucks

katiewhompus · March 2010

I think just be patient and let him know you are there for him. It's not something that logic can really fix, and unless he's ready to get help he may not take suggestions well. Maybe sit down with him, let him know you're worried about him because of xyz and ask what you can do to help. Other than that just let him have some space.
I know when I get depressed all I want to do is curl up in the bed and cry. After a few hours I'll be ok, but during that time nothing will make it better.

Brie2010 · March 2010

I'm going to PM you in a minute.

[Deleted User] · March 2010

I would say just support him and try not to pressure him. Give him a shoulder to lean on or offer to talk with him but pressuring him to go will only cause him more stress. I should add that I'm not saying that you are pressuring him to do anything, it sounds like you are doing the right things so far

Bubbalub · March 2010

I'm sorry to hear about that. Depression runs in my family too and it's always so hard watching someone you love struggle with it. In addition to the excellent advice given by pps I would suggest trying to get him exercising more. Sometimes the chemicals in the brain that are out of balance and causing depression can be tempered a bit by the chemicals released by the brain during and after exercise.

Good luck to you and big hugs.

Night_Sprite · March 2010

Thank you for the advice. It's just a weird place we've never been to before and we've been together for almost 4.5 years. I feel like I should be able to fix something that doesn't feel very fixable.

Brie2010 · March 2010

YGPM.

nhelene · March 2010

Good luck. All I can say is definitely try to be supportive. I go through some serious episodes myself and my FI just doesn't understand depression or anxiety at all. He just can't get his mind around the fact that I'm not depressed "about" something and the fact that he can't fix the problem by taking away some stimulus.

Night_Sprite · March 2010

YGPM, Brie.

thesuninherhead · March 2010

There's some resources on men and depression, and helping loved ones with depression on this site. It's an Australian site, but these resources are really fantastic and I'd recommend you take a read.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?link_id=7.980#Family

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

Night, I'm so sorry. First off, please don't take on the responsibility of "fixing" him. It can definitely be a helpless feeling to not try to "fix," but only he can do the work to get to a point of achieving insight on what's causing this and feeling better. The best thing you can do is be there and be sensitive, which I'm sure you are. Like others have said, let him know that you are aware of how he's feeling and leave yourself open to talking about it when he feels he can, but don't push him to get help. He might feel shut down by that if he's not ready to go, or that he would rather hide his feelings so you don't worry. Your support is and will be a very important part of his getting through this. And hopefully his other supports will maintain and bolster him as well during this time.

If it gets to a point where he feels like he might benefit from some professional direction on how to get help, most therapists do brief initial consultations to see if it's the kind of help the person needs and/or if they have resources to connect the person to. But if he feels more comfortable talking to his PCP, that's a good place to start as well. Good luck, and keep us posted.

katiewhompus · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_depression-maybe?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f80622dd-f7bb-4347-bf22-a09ec4dadbafPost:d7b04590-b4b2-4f64-b191-5ce0b9280c93">Re: Depression maybe?</a>:
[QUOTE]Good luck. All I can say is definitely try to be supportive. I go through some serious episodes myself and my FI just doesn't understand depression or anxiety at all. He just can't get his mind around the fact that I'm not depressed "about" something and the fact that he can't fix the problem by taking away some stimulus.
Posted by nhelene[/QUOTE]

Exactly this. Sometimes the trigger can be getting stuck in traffic or just a random twinge of saddness to set it off. Once you start going to that place it's difficult to come back.

ac_in_dc · March 2010

Night, YGPM (long and rambling. sorry).

Depression maybe?

Re: Depression maybe?

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