Poll: ex's

jaimelody · October 2009

I'm just catching up on posts for the day - And I have 30 minutes to burn until I run out of here. It's so slowww.1- Did/would you invite an ex to your wedding?2- What would FI say?3- What if they showed up as another guests' date? Reaction?

adam_dana · October 2009

1. I definetly would not have invited any. I'm not on good terms with any of them lol.2. Since I dont ever speak to any of them, I think DH would be suprised!3. If they came as a guests date I'd roll with it... what can you do at that point

laurenlacey · October 2009

1. I would have, if I was still friends with my ex. I don't hate him or anything but I just don't talk to him anymore.2. He would have said "absolutely not."3. I think that would be a very strange coincidence if I didn't know about it ahead of time. I don't think I'd care, and I wouldn't mention to MH that he was the ex.

jaimelody · October 2009

1- No, however, FI has made out with one of my BMs so, that's another story!2- FI would definitely FLIP if a particular ex showed up3- Depending on the ex, I'd probably ask the maitre'd to escort them out regardless of their date. Others, I'd roll with.

cherylanddan0706 · October 2009

1-No I almost did because after not speaking for 5 years we became very good friends, but we recently had a very large falling out. 2-FI didn't care about him, I dont know how he would react to the others, one I think he would smack the crap out of me for if I invited lol. 3-No one would do that to me, but if it did happen I would just let it roll, I wouldn't keep it from FI and if he decided he didn't want him there we would have his escorted out.

allymp13 · October 2009

1- Did/would you invite an ex to your wedding? Most recent ex, definitely not 2- What would FI say? FI would freak out, they have gotten into via text message before b/c the ex was texting me inappropriate things 3- What if they showed up as another guests' date? Reaction? If it were anyone other than my most recent I would laugh at the irony.

ddelo23 · October 2009

No, and no. If I was friends with one of them, and my husband was on good terms, then yes. He'd pretty much just tell me no before we sent the invites out. he's not a fan of them. i'd be shocked. and it could have happened since there are a lot of mutual friends. But I doubt anyone would ahve done that to me.

melissa82 · October 2009

1- I'm not really friends with any of them, so no. But if I still talked/was friends with any I don't see why not.2- Would probably depend on the person/relationship. I imagine if I were inviting an ex, it'd be someone we were both friends with.3- I guess I would think it was a little odd if they weren't dating beforehand but I wouldn't really care.

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

1. I would not. I'm one of those people who believes you shouldn't stay in contact with an ex, that once you sleep with someone, your relationship is forever changed etc.That said, my H did invite his ex-gf, who he lived with for most of their 6 year relationship, to our wedding. I, and certainly not my parents nor my ILs (they never liked her), was not pleased at all, and I tried many times to cut her from the guestlist to no avail.To say I hate her is putting it lightly, I feel she has threatened our relationship at times, but IMO I was the bigger person by "allowing" her to be there. We kept our distance from each other that day.2. My H wouldn't have cared, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.3. My H's ex almost did go as one of our GM's dates. They were also friends since college, which is where my H met her in the first place.

kewltif · October 2009

1- Did/would you invite an ex to your wedding?- Non issue- there was no one I would have wanted to invite2- What would FI say?- He is the world's most tolerant man (which is why he is so perfect for me). I have tons of male friends and with very little exception it does not bother him whatsoever (over time he has become closer with some of them than I am) but here and there certain friends have pushed him over the edge- when that edge has been pushed, I know that friendship cannot continue. My guess is if I was good friends with an ex-boyfriend, as long as he he was confident the guy was no longer interested, then it would have no have bothered him if I invited him to the wedding.3- What if they showed up as another guests' date? Reaction?I guess surprise? LOL. I really wouldn't care. There is no one I'm on terrible terms with.

ddelo23 · October 2009

spunskter - you are a MUCH bigger person than I am. If someone threatened my relationship ever, they would be 100% not on the list!!!! dh would have to deal, or there would be NO wedding. He doesn't need her there badly enough to do that to me. but you probably have much more patience!!!!!

uppereastgirl · October 2009

1. No, but there was a girl there (one of my best friends from high school) who made out with my husband once2. I don't know how that would happen unless we were good friends and my husband knew that?3. There's a 0% chance that would happen.

kewltif · October 2009

Dana- Kate is the queen of patience when it comes to that ex-gf twatwaffle!!!

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

That, admittedly, was very early on in our relationship. She questioned my age, how fast we were moving with milestones in our relationship (we were engaged after less than 6 months, she was chomping at the bit for a ring for much of their 6 YEARS), and she asked my H "do you really like her, she's kinda big?" the first time I met her when I was within earshot. Not cool at all.

kewltif · October 2009

Kate- a swift fist to the face would have answered that question loud and clear! And this is coming from a girl who has never been in a fight. The cops would have had to pull me off someone who said that about me!

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

And the worst part isn't even HER. I mean, she makes my blood BOIL, but one of her bffs is the wife of my H's fraternity little bro. My H and his ex are their daughter's godparents. The little brother was a GM in our wedding, their daughter was one of our FGs, and at the reception - also within earshot - his wife said "you know, that should have been YOU up there"UGH!!!!!!

kewltif · October 2009

You literally HEARD her say that at your wedding?!!

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

She doesn't know I heard either comment though. She also asked my H to "take her back" - she was the one who left him - after we were already together about 2 months.

kewltif · October 2009

ugh... you take being the "bigger person" to whole new levels. I seriously do not think I would be capable of listening to that kind of bullshyt without totally exploding. You are good!

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

Thanks, Tif. I really am not a patient person by nature, but, if I do say so myself, my H got a gem in me. The girls he dated after her, before me, if he wanted to break up with them, he told them about his ex. She is a LOT of baggage. They all ran, I didn't. I don't know why sometimes, LOL.And, even my own mother calls me a doormat when it comes to this situation.Not to say my H was dishonest, but for the first few months of our relationship, I was unclear about details of their relationship like them having lived together at all, nevermind for how long, the exact length of relationships, their plans to get married when HE was ready, their plans to buy a house, etc. By the time all that came out, I was already too emotionally invested to just give up on the best relationship I'd ever had, him, and everything else. Had I known it all from day 1, I am unsure if I'd be married to him today. Not saying anything definite though.

kewltif · October 2009

I think it is easy for all of us to say what we would "never put up with" when it's a fictitious character and not a real person that we love. Even at times DH has made blanket comments about this or that and I've said, "So how about if that person was me?" and he's so quickly changed his tune.

kpeteley · October 2009

Spunky - Just read post - seriously want to beat up some people for you!! I am also a non-fighter, but how dare they. what did H say, when/if you told him about these comments?

kle0113 · October 2009

Kate (msspunky) - WOW! You are a very stong person. I give you so much credit because I do not know how you have not blown up over it. I swear especailly if something like that was said and I heard it at my wedding oh there would have been words after. I give you so much credit.

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

Well my H's friend's wife has always been a bit... difficult. It was very hard to like me, even though I am a pretty likeable person (so I think), because I am not my H's ex, and she had some idea in her head that she and her H and my H and H's ex were going to be some inseparable foursome, their kids were going to be bffs etc.She's not just difficult with me, she's very much her way is the only way. She didn't like my H when she first met him either.My H told his ex that he loved me for who I was, and that he thought I was beautiful, that he knew deep down they weren't right for each other and that we were and that someone else's timeline wasn't going to dictate his relationship with me, and that even at my age (I was 21 at the time) I was mature, responsible and yes, we did have intelligent conversation.

kewltif · October 2009

In college a couple of DH's fraternity brothers commented that I "wasn't good looking enough" for him. Interesting, as these were some of the same guys who I had turned down when they had previously tried to hook up with me. PEOPLE SUCK. I swear, some of those comments took years for me to get over and they were stupid/loser guys. An ex-gf and I would have lost it.

kpeteley · October 2009

My FI was engaged once before we go together, so the whole ex thing was a very sensitive thing for me. They were in contact when we first got together, and it caused complications. Eventually he ended the relationship because it was necessary (seriouse cliff notes here

but I give you a lot of credit. I wouldn't be strong enough for that. Tiff - you're soo right, people can be such assholes - their insecurities -

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

Well, my H and I have been together nearly 4 years and I can say without under or overestimation, well more than half of our arguments are about his ex. Whether she is going to visit her brother in Philly and wants to stop by and I say, "I don't want her within a mile of my house!", or my H compares something like her meatloaf vs mine, when she comes up, I flip out.At least his mom likes me, LOL. His mom haaaaaaaated her.

kewltif · October 2009

Tell him to shove her meatloaf up you azz!

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

My H says I don't "understand" their relationship. He says they were not much more than roommates for a good number of years, the spark died out quickly but they were comfortable with each other and neither saw a reason to leave "good enough". She's from Maine, and still lives in NJ, and moved here after college to be with him. He STILL - 10 years later - feels guilt over it. He feels he forced her to choose him, or her home, and she chose him. She also asked him to go to ME with her and b/c of his line of work he'd have to quit the industry completely. He LOVES finance/brokerage, and he almost gave it up for her. THAT makes me sooo angry, b/c IMO he has a gift that would be wasted if he gave it up.

mrs.spunky1508 · October 2009

Did I say meatloaf? I mean meatballs. She puts raisins and pine nuts in hers. Pine nuts, ok but raisins?! ICK! I won't make them now, my mom has to make them for him LOL

kpeteley · October 2009

Tell her I have the number for a moving truck - FI's ex also moved to NJ for him - argh. pretty similar situation - I think you should tell him game over, she's run her course in his life. I ultimately put my foot down with FI, unfortunately it came to a boiling point, but it worked out in the end. Obviously to each his own, but i think you would be happier.

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