Wedding Party

S/O Today's Poll: Babies

Sorry, Emily! I got busy drinking Pinot and AW my sweet dance moves on SB and forgot that I said I'd do this, lol.

So I was very late on WPBP today, and I had a question for everybody:

Who here wants babies post-marriage?

When does anybody who wants children plan on having them? How many do you think you want?

If you already have them, do you want more? How many more?

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Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies

  • DH and I want kids ... but we wanted to be married at least a year before we started trying for them (Have at least one year of spontaneous date nights and kitchen floor sex, if you will, lol). There's days where I think I'm going to throw out my BC on our anniversary, other days when I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be able to commit.

    I do know that if I ever do feel ready, and the universe is ok with it, I want at least 2, maybe 3 (For all my bitching about my sisters, I love that I grew up in a big crazy family. I think it had a lot to do with me becoming who I am today.)

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  • We definatly want kids. We agree on three being a good number. I've always wanted three and turns out so does he. What we haven't decided is if we want to adopt or not. I want to adopt, he is ok with adopting or having our own, but adoption is so expensive so that will all depend of finances.


  • jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited April 2010
    DH and I want two kids but we're waiting until I finish nursing (one more year!).  We'll probably start trying as soon as I graduate because I ain't no spring chicken.  Oh, I should also add twins run in my family so if we had twins the first time I'd want to be pregnant again.
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  • We want kids, but definitely want to wait a few years. I would like to be in a house first, but don't know if that will happen or not. FI want's 4, but I don't know, maybe 3, but I will take whatever the Lord gives us.
  • We want 2 kids but we are waiting until (1) we have a house and (2) I finish an Ironman.  Both should happen by October 2011.  I like having a date in mind when we are going to start trying - I originally wanted to start right away but I feel like if I don't do this now I never will.  And my parents were so worried I'd get knocked up in highschool....all that wasted stress.
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  • We definitely want kids.  :-)
  • Who here wants babies post-marriage? Yes, definitely.

    When does anybody who wants children plan on having them? How many do you think you want? We're planning on starting next summer, about eight months after the wedding.  I want one, David wants two.

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  • Who here wants babies post-marriage?   We do!

    When does anybody who wants children plan on having them? How many do you think you want?   Well I'm 31 and FI is 34 so we'll start TTC this fall, it seems like.  We own a house, have good jobs, and are debt free so there's not a lot of reason for us to wait too long...although I would like the summer off after our wedding to be free of planning for anything and finish up some projects around our home!   We'd like 2.

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  • We want kids, 2-3, but we're waiting until we move to CA.
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  • I'll be the odd one out and say I do not want children and neither does H. I've never had a desire for children and I really don't like little kids that well. H feels the same way. We've had several discussions and talked about what it would be like to have kids, but in the end, we decide that children just aren't for us.

    I hate when people constantly ask us when we are going to have kids or when we say weren't not planning on it, they ask why not, or say "well that's kind of selfish." Yeah, it might be, but I feel like if I had a child and didn't really want to, I'd resent the kid. And I really don't want that. On the other hand, I think I'd like to be pregnant. But without the whole 18 years of taking care of her/him.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:add2c5ec-d540-4cc1-85ea-9e02894816df">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll be the odd one out and say I do not want children and neither does H. I've never had a desire for children and I really don't like little kids that well. H feels the same way. We've had several discussions and talked about what it would be like to have kids, but in the end, we decide that children just aren't for us. I hate when people constantly ask us when we are going to have kids or when we say weren't not planning on it, they ask why not, or say <strong>"well that's kind of selfish."</strong> Yeah, it might be, but I feel like if I had a child and didn't really want to, I'd resent the kid. And I really don't want that. On the other hand, I think I'd like to be pregnant. But without the whole 18 years of taking care of her/him.
    Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

    I do not think it is selfish at all.  Maybe your parents want to be grandparents and I get that, but what would be selfish would be them pushing this on you when you do not want it.  I also think our world is overpopulated enough as it is, and those people who have 5+ children make up for more than enough of those people who do not want kids.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:add2c5ec-d540-4cc1-85ea-9e02894816df">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll be the odd one out and say I do not want children and neither does H. I've never had a desire for children and I really don't like little kids that well. H feels the same way. We've had several discussions and talked about what it would be like to have kids, but in the end, we decide that children just aren't for us. I hate when people constantly ask us when we are going to have kids or when we say weren't not planning on it, they ask why not, or say "well that's kind of selfish." Yeah, it might be, but I feel like if I had a child and didn't really want to, I'd resent the kid. And I really don't want that. On the other hand, I think I'd like to be pregnant. But without the whole 18 years of taking care of her/him.
    Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

    I think each person has to make this decision for themselves. being a parent is not everyone's idea of a happy life. I don't think its selfish, because if you aren't enthused about parenting, your kids will know it. You are essentially saving a kid from a less than enthusiastic parent (not that you wouldn't be loving and kind, or do your best for a child if you had one.)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:add2c5ec-d540-4cc1-85ea-9e02894816df">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'll be the odd one out and say I do not want children and neither does H. <strong>I've never had a desire for children and I really don't like little kids that well</strong>. H feels the same way. We've had several discussions and talked about what it would be like to have kids, but in the end, we decide that children just aren't for us. I hate when people constantly ask us when we are going to have kids or when we say weren't not planning on it, they ask why not, or say "well that's kind of selfish." Yeah, it might be, but <strong>I feel like if I had a child and didn't really want to, I'd resent the kid.</strong> And I really don't want that. <strong>On the other hand, I think I'd like to be pregnant. </strong>But without the whole 18 years of taking care of her/him.
    Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

    I think we might be long lost twins. I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do, which is refreshing because I never find that! The most annoying thing to me is when I tell people I don't like kids and don't want them and they say "you'll change your mind." I see kids as a "parasitic organism" - technically they are. I don't want something growing inside of me...its like a cancer - it freaks me out. My biggest problem is that FI wants kids so one of us is going to have to give. I know it will be me and i've known this forever now. I accept that I will have to have children; however I am a little scared I will resent the child or won't bond with it like mothers do.
    Anniversary
  • FWIW, I think it's great if you're in a place to have kids and want to get things moving right away after the wedding. It's just SO far from where my head is that I can't really relate. I think it's also probably because I don't have any friends my age who have kids, and the friends I have who are married/will be married soon are all thinking they'll wait a while. I'm sure once my peers start having babies it'll become more normal to me.

    I also would never say that not having kids is selfish. God, people can be so rude!
  • There are days where I really think I don't want them ... that I'm just not going to be emotionally available as a parent or something ... I'm also scared poop-less of pregnancy itself.

    It's hard because my mother literally lives for being a mother. She had 4 kids, she adopted a 5th, and now she's pretty much raising my one neice (And most likely will be raising the other when she comes home from the hospital). She loves babies and toddlers and doesn't mind dirty diapers or getting puked on. And then when they get older, she loves watching little league and those crappy band concerts where the grand finale is "Mary Had A Little Lamb" ... and older still, she just loves raising kids ... my mom is amazing. And I just don't see myself ever being able to be that devoted to kids, even my own ...

    I know that DH basically feels that since I'm going to have to go through pregnancy and I'm the one that's most likely going to be doing the most child care, it's pretty much my call whether or not we have them, as long as we discuss it together before making any decisions ... but if I say one day "Never", he won't try to change my mind. So I'm really lucky on that front.

    And whatever I decide either way, I still want to punch every single person in the face that says to DH, when he says we're waiting a while "Oh, well, you know she wants one now, don't you?". Hello, you've never even met me, don't assume I've got BOTB just because I got married and have a vagina, kthx.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:b7eb6f91-bd8f-4420-9091-b35a5490c65a">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are days where I really think I don't want them ... that I'm just not going to be emotionally available as a parent or something ... I'm also scared poop-less of pregnancy itself. Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    I feel the exact same way. I'm pregant in 99% of my nightmares. I'm also afraid of babies in general. I hold them wrong, I don't know what to do with them, they puke and poop and cry and ugh...they scare me. As my brother says, I have the maternal instinct of a snake.

    I think that's why I'm more into being a foster parent/adoptive parent. I love older children who are a little more self-sufficient, but still need guidance and parental love. I know that the bonding experience is different and takes quite a bit of work, but I think that's more my place in the world than being a birth mother...if any of that makes sense.
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  • Meg - My FMIL is the same way. She wanted to pop out as many as possible. She told me that her life long dream was to grow up and have babies every since she was a little girl. She wants tons of grandkids but just recently found out that I strongly dislike kids. Once again I got to hear those little words that make me want to rip out someones voice box..."You'll change your mind"
    Anniversary
  • Who here wants babies post-marriage?
    Some of FI's family want us to have children ASAP.  They don't like the idea of waiting until FI finishes school (another 5+ yr).  For like a year after we got engaged, tons of people kept trying to put imaginary babies in my belly and it really annoyed me, to the point where I was saying "no babies ever if you don't shut it."  But truthfully we want them.

    When does anybody who wants children plan on having them?
    If we end up going off of FI's education, probably not until I'm about 30.

    How many do you think you want?
    2-3.  FI wants at least one biological child if we are able to do so without fertility treatments, and I want to adopt at least one if we are able to afford the adoption process. 

    I'll third (fourth?) being scared of pregnancy.  The idea of pregnancy and all the things that can go wrong scare the crap out of me.  And infants.  I feel like they're going to break until they're like 4-8 weeks old.
  • Suz, the one really lucky break I caught is that aside from my great-grandmother (Who's 92 and I think just wants to meet as many great-great grandbabies as possible), nobody in either family has been pressuring us. DH's family will never admit it ... but they really don't like kids.

    And my older sister has a 16 month old and just had another one 2 weeks ago. So my family for the most part is pretty wrapped up in them ... my mom has even told me "I know sometimes surprises happen, but if you're planning on kids, could you at least wait until these 2 are potty trained?", lol.

    But I'm still a little nervous, because pretty much up until I met DH, I swore that I would never get married or have kids. My mom used to say "Oh, you'll probably be the one that gets married first and then has 7 kids". It's probably nothing ... but my mom tends to be creepily right about these things, lol.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:c2afccbb-42b7-4221-8846-4708f52ff91f">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE].  I'll third (fourth?) being scared of pregnancy.  The idea of pregnancy and all the things that can go wrong scare the crap out of me.  And infants.  I feel like they're going to break until they're like 4-8 weeks old.
    Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

    I have been terrified of not only pregnancy, but childbirth for several years.  I am getting to the point now where I don't think it will be so bad, and the outcome will be worth it, but I am still afraid.  I hate throwing up and I am so scared to be sick during pregnancy.

    I also don't understand why some people get married when one is totally gaga for babies and wanting to parent, and another is dead set against it.  I know in some instances where someone can budge (suz?) and is willing to, that is ok.  But to have 2 opposing opinions on something so major and life changing can be difficult to not resent the other.
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    [QUOTE]I'm also scared poop-less of pregnancy itself.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
    I'm not scared poop-less, I'm just scared about pooping during. I really really really do not want to poop in front of anyone, but I hear it's pretty much unavoidable.
  • Who here wants babies post-marriage? We definitely do but we aren't exactly sure when.

    When does anybody who wants children plan on having them? How many do you think you want? We want to have two or three. We want to wait until we buy a bigger house because where we are right now is just way too small.

    If you already have them, do you want more? How many more? n/a
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:09b2738c-62de-4b1a-a3a0-075ee8ac7d34">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies : I'm not scared poop-less, I'm just scared about pooping during. I really really really do not want to poop in front of anyone, but I hear it's pretty much unavoidable.
    Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

    There was an episode of "16 and pregnant" where that was the girls biggest fear.  It was kinda funny :)
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  • Yeah, childbirth is also on the list of things I'm scared of, I just kind of mesh it in with pregnancy.  So really, I'm terrified of the entire year after conception except for the last month when the kid is 2 months old. 

    I'm also kind of scared of raising a kid well or if we can handle a kid with disabilities if that were to be the case - ie. what if we have a kid who is hard of hearing? I am awful at learning the vocabulary for other languages so would I be able to learn the signs for ASL? But I'm not scared of those things in an OMG someone could die type of way.
  • Omg, I actually forgot about the pooping thing (I was too busy being horrified by everything else labor entails, lol). Yeah, I want no part of that ...

    Oh, that's the other thing, in an effort alleviate some other fears I have about labor, I seriously have said if I have kids, I want a C-section. I understand it's a major surgery and that it's more dangerous for the mother than actual labor ... but my mom and grandmother are both convinced that what's wrong with my older sister stem from the fact that my mom had a horrible delivery with her, and she thinks it caused brain damage ... so a C-section would at least avoid that (I'm not saying it's a gauranteed shot at a "perfect" kid, but it just seems like a good precautionary to me).

    You wouldn't believe how many people think I'm the devil for wanting that, saying I'm selfish and awful. Wtf is the big deal if that's how I want to give birth? You don't see me calling epidorals poison, or [openly] judging the women that insist on giving birth in their own homes, so lay off how I want to do things.


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:84616239-ad09-4c64-8329-2aa18f08ca06">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies : There was an episode of "16 and pregnant" where that was the girls biggest fear.  It was kinda funny :)
    Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

    So I do want kids and so does the FI but a couple years after we're married and have a bigger house and the FI has a better job, I want to raise my own kids, I don't like the day care/child care thing while I work. I'd just rather take care of my kids. I want one but FI wants 2, I only want boys and that doesnt matter to him. People say that's selfish, BUT I know how I was as a kid and it's hard raising a daughter in my eyes and plus I just do so well with little boys, girls are hard for me. But of course whatever I do get I will love unconditionally.

    BUT seeing the 16 and pregnant series and seeing what those girls go through during pregnancy scares me too!! I think when people are preggers they are so beautiful and pregnancy in itself is beautiful but not the being sick part which I am a little afraid of!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_todays-poll-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cd714360-aad0-4bae-9753-19a251aa3995Post:72391001-bf72-4771-a760-f14b02a9bef1">Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: S/O Today's Poll: Babies : I think we might be long lost twins. I feel EXACTLY the same way as you do, which is refreshing because I never find that! The most annoying thing to me is when I tell people I don't like kids and don't want them and they say "you'll change your mind." I see kids as a "parasitic organism" - technically they are. I don't want something growing inside of me...its like a cancer - it freaks me out. My biggest problem is that FI wants kids so one of us is going to have to give. I know it will be me and i've known this forever now. I accept that I will have to have children; however I am a little scared I will resent the child or won't bond with it like mothers do.
    Posted by suz62984[/QUOTE]

    FI an dI also refer to babies in the belly as parasites.  Neither of us wants kids,, but I think FI is kind of changing his mind. 

    If we did decide to have kids, we'd wait until FI is done with his fellowship, so about 7 years from now (1 yr left of med school, 3 yr residency, 3 yr fellowship).  That way we'd be able to afford for me to stay home and have a nanny help out.  Ideally we'd have a surrogate so I wouldn't actually have to go through prenancy.   
  • edited April 2010
    FI and I definately want kids.  My ideal age was 29-30, but after spending time with his nephews, we've decided to to aim for 27ish.  I kinda can't believe how baby-crazy I am now at 24, actually.  I know we're not ready financially or emotionally, and I would completely freak if we had a "scare", but everytime I see a baby my uterus skips a beat. 

    And to whoever said this earlier--I called babies "parasitic organisms" the other day, and my FI looked at me like I was completely crazy.  It's totally true though, and even though I really want kids and want to be pregnant, the thought of that scares me a little.  

    ETA--FI wants 2, and I say 2 or 3.  He absolutely says no to three though, so no one has to be the "middle child," but I told him if we get to three, there's no way we're going for four. 
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