I want our children in the wedding.....

fluterby2006 · October 2009

We both have children from previous marriages. I want to include them in the ceremony and I'm just not sure how. I have three teenage sons and he has a seven year old son. I thought about making the teenagers men of honor and making the seven year old a ring bearer. I'm also thinking about a family medallion ceremony, maybe with something other than the medallion. Can anyone offer any advice with this please? Thanks!

handfast4me · October 2009

Hi, and welcome to the board! Although not recently, we've discussed this a lot on this board, as you can imagine. First, I would ask the children what they want. I have a hard time imaging a teenaged boy wanting to do a ceremony that includes a necklace. But maybe they'd be OK with it. I like the idea of attendants, but I have to admit, I'm not so keen on any of the "family" ceremonies. Especially the ones that include vows from the kids and from the adults. Those are pretty creepy. To me, the wedding is a ceremony between the consenting adults. Everyone else attends. A quick prayer over the family at the reception is just fine, but anything more, well, not so much.

fluterby2006 · October 2009

Thanks! I don't think they would like the necklaces either. The whole vows thing with the children is where I was having the big problem. But I wasn't sure if I included them as attendants, if it would be inappropriate to not have them included in the ceremony. I will talk with them more and find out how much they want to be involved. They really like the idea of being in a tux. Thanks again!

LesPaul · October 2009

I'm not a fan of the family ceremonies either. It's you and FI who are getting married. If they want to be groomsmen, that's wonderful. Our four teenagers were our attendants (three girls and a boy) and it was very nice. And you don't have to have even numbers of male and female attendants - it can just be the boys.

right1thistime · October 2009

I endorse what the PPs have said. My children (he had none) were in our wedding party. They received attendant gifts at the RD, just like the best man and MOH did. They were gifts appropriate for them, not wedding-y. In our ceremony, our minister asked first them, then our families and then the assembled group to offer a blessing over us, sort of in the place where parents might do the same. That was the only ackowledgement of them in the ceremony. At the reception, in place of the dance with parents, we danced with them. (Only my mom is still alive and she is frail.) ~Donna

hollieheidi · October 2009

We're including our kids in the handfasting......we have three small and I didn't think they needed to be my entire wedding party and we didn't think they needed to say vows so we are having three colors to our handfasting ribbon and each child bring a ribbon to the officiant and then he can place to place the one we have already braided with all three colors over our hands.Other than that maybe look into the sand ceremony and instead of having the kids actually come up just say something about this color representing the children and the blending of the entire family.I think it starts getting to be too much when you add them all in the ceremony especially when it's YOUR wedding. I think too, that they should have the say as to what they want to do. Depending on their personalities they may want to be part of the planning by picking flowers, colors, helping with DIY projects, especially boys may like making arbors, cutting letters for things or putting together things for you.Good luck! Happy planning!

yellow_grace · October 2009

I have a daughter from a previous marriage and a daughter I adopted while FI and I were dating. Legally, FI is going to be Baby's father, and for all intents and purposes, FI is Big's "daddy" (her bio father split, althought we still call him her dad and try to be open to her desire for a relationship with him.)We wanted to do something special for our kids, but we also respect their birthparents and recognize that their birthparents are just as important (although, in different ways) as we are.The inscription we chose for our wedding bands is the perfect present tense translation of the Latin "let us love;" we chose this inscription knowing that love is as much about willful choice as it is about emotion, and that being in a family takes a committment to loving each other, just as marriage does, especially in our circumstances of adoption/step-children. We will present rings that match our own to our girls (on necklaces) and tell them that just like the love FI and I have for each other surrounds us and makes us strong, our love for them also surrounds them and is a source of strength. We also are speaking some words about embracing their future and being open to whoever they will become, knowing that they have a firm foundation of love. They will be able to wear the necklaces for special occasions, and when they are old enough, they can choose to wear the rings if they desire, or save it as a momento from us.My 7 year old also asked to read a poem that she is writing. It is probably going to be cheesy (It starts "man and wife walk down the aisle. Boy, I love to see you smile!) but she really wanted to do it, so she is.She also wants to lead the chicken dance at the reception:) Done and done!Good luck!

nyrek · October 2009

I have 3 children. My boys, ages 15 and 9, will be "Men of Honor", and my daughter, 13, will be my MOH. We discussed have a family ceremony thing...just a special song being played while we presented the kids with gifts...no vows or anything like that. But we did decide against it. The kids thought it was wierd and would make them feel put on the spot. So we're giving them gifts privately and they're thrilled to just be part of the wedding. Just like any other BM or GM, we asked them if they wanted to be in the wedding...we did not just assume. However...I don't think the family ceremonies are creepy or anything. Some kids are super excited to have this new family...and love the idea of being made such a special part of the ceremony. It really just depends on the child. Whatever you decide...I'm sure it will be wonderful! Good luck with planning!

pamila51510 · October 2009

I have 3 daughters they are all in the wedding my youngest is 11 and they are thrilled that I have found my FI I discussed with each of them privately how they wanted to be involved. I figure its truly his and my day but they are part of me. They all want to say we do when the officiant asks who gives this woman away. I thought it was sweet they all told me that they would just give me to anyone but the FI is ok in their book.

NYHarleyBride · October 2009

Having just done this recently...we have a 13, 15 and 23 year old. They were all attendants in the wedding, but were not involved in any vows. As a way of noticing our new family unit, we did the sand ceremony with 5 colors, and we each poured some into the container while the minister said a little something about coming together like the different colors of sand. It was a great touch without being odd.

I want our children in the wedding.....

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