MOH problems

allychase · October 2012

So I have my aunt as my matron of honor. Before I got engaged, she would always send me things from Pinterest that she thought I'd like and was so excited when I got engaged. A few weeks ago we discussed her dress budget, which happened to fit right in the BM dress I always loved. I asked her when she was available to try dresses on and we coordinated around her schedule. The day before, I send her a text to remind her and she says she doesn't think she can come cause she had car troubles. She was at her dads house the day of BM dress searching, which is about 30 minutes from me. I offered to pick her up and drop her back off at her dads, but she said she didn't wanna be out that long and we could just pick whatever dress I wanted and she would get it. So everyone else tried it on and paid for the dress. That was a month ago, and she keeps saying she now can't afford the dress and won't be able to until at least after Christmas, which is too late cause they take over 3 months to come in. Our budget is REALLY getting tight and I don't know if I can commit to buying her dress right now. The dress shop called me and said they were waiting to order the dresses at the same time to make sure they're all the same fabric or whatever. So I'm about to just tell the dress shop to order the dresses and then well figure out what's going on with her. Overall, she's been really flaky lately. And I NEVER talk to her about the wedding. Idk what to do with her giving me a budget, and me finding a dress and now her flaking on committing to the dress. It is after all technically the ONLY thing she has to do.

vk2204 · October 2012

Do you have the option of doing a down payment for the dress when ordered, and then to pay the balance when it is received? Maybe you could do that to help her out for now?

allychase · October 2012

I wouldn't care if she could buy a different dress, but I also have a maid of honor, my sister, and it would be a little odd if every BM had the same dress and then my aunt had a different one, which would have to be TOTALLY different, as in probably a 20 dollar dress from forever21 or something because she apparently can't afford any type of "bridesmaid" dress.

I was originally open to all of the BM picking out different dresses but they all happened to love the one I liked, so it seemed to be a win win, and everyone bought it. My aunt loved it too. It's a little too late now to have 5 BM wearing the same dress and her to wear something way different.

Also, I asked about putting a deposit down for the dress and the shop said no, which pisses me off a little cause I don't really understand paying in full for something I won't receive for over 3 months, but, whatever I guess.

She's already mad because I had won that free contest for hair for the wedding, but decided I didn't like the way they did my hair and went ahead and booked the onsite stylist who will come to my house and make the day way less stressful. I already told her I don't care if she does her own hair and makeup, but when I told her I wasn't using the free service she made some shitttty remark like "oh well I guess it's only about you then." She really wants pro hair and makeup, but doesn't wanna pay for it apparently.

I mean I'm doing my best to accomodate her budget, I made SURE to find out her budget before going dress shopping.. She had a ride to the shop the night we all got the dresses, she could have come.. and she chose not to. She always texts me pictures of her shopping sprees of owl decor, and clothes and stuff she doesn't need for the house, which makes it really hard when she turns around and says now she doesn't have the funds to support the only thing she should be doing for the wedding.

Also, and I KNOW, I know, I'm not supposed to be involved with any of this.. but she's ADAMENT on being the "go-to" person for my shower. Like no one can do anything unless they run it by her, which doesn't seem fair, cause I know she can't afford to pay for anything. I've given her everyone's email at her request 3 different times and she keeps losing it and isn't getting in contact with anyone. I'm not going to get involved but I feel bad for my BMs and FMIL who need to deal with her power trip when she isn't even going to help out. Basically she's going to tell everyone to foot the bill for the vision she has in mind.

I'm pretty lost at this point, and I think I'm just going to tell her she has until a certain date to get the dress and if not then there's not much I can do. If I offer to buy her dress, she won't make any effort, but if I tell her it's ultimately on her, I'm sure the money will miraculously show up for it.

Thanks for hopefully reading my long rant, lol..

nay1984 · October 2012

can the dress be ordered from any other store that does take a deposit?

ChiGirl2013 · October 2012

It sounds to me like she has too many excuses and that she doesn't really WANT to be part of your wedding. How much is the dress? Is it crazy expensive? I refuse to pay more than $200 if I'm standing up in a wedding. But even if you put away $10 a week, you can save that up in no time. Most people won't miss $10. Is she working and earning a decent amount of money? Maybe she's having money problems and doesn't want to tell you. I know plenty of people who look like they're made of money on the outside, but they're actually barely keeping their head above water and charging everything they buy.... and then barely making minimum payments. It happens.

I think you just need to have a heart to heart like you said. Tell her you love her, you want her in the wedding, but the absolute LAST day for her to order the dress is (fill in date) and if she can't pay for it by then, you understand and will assign her another duty. Just tell her that money seems to be an issue and you don't want to burden her with all the financial responsibilities of standing up in your wedding. Maybe she can be your personal attendant for the day or do a reading or something instead.

That will also take care of the shower because if she's not in the wedding, there's no need to include her in the plans.

orangehills · October 2012

Have the other dresses ordered. Let her know the final date she can have her dress ordered. If she doesn't- she has taken herself out of the wedding as it is the only thing she has to do. But DON'T replace her- that would be very rude!

Now if you really want her standing up with you, maybe put it on a credit card (not the best idea, but could work) and she could pay you back? But you'd have to do that knowing she may never pay you back....

allychase · October 2012

Thank you all. The dress is 140, and I know it sounds like I'm being cheap if I don't buy it but were already at the point where we might have to ditch the photo booth cause I ended up having to pay for most of my dress cause my mom flaked on that. I know my aunt doesn't make a lot of money, but she also spends a lot of money on frivolous things and I wouldn't judge her except for the fact that she waves her new purchases in my face and then all the sudden cant afford her dress. If she doesn't buy the dress, I won't replace her or give her another duty cause honestly she would not be flattered and probably upset. She can just be a guest and have no financial obligations and be less stressed out if she wants.

vk2204 · October 2012

Ally, what designer and style is the dress?

The one I chose is Alfred Angelo and in the local salons it is $195. I am ordering through a different salon out of state and the dress is $128. Normally, I wouldn't order something 'online', but it is an actual salon, I have called and spoke with the managers there and a few people that I know have used them and it has worked perfectly.

Oh, I am also standing up in a June wedding and we are doing the out of state salon, dress is $140 in MI, but only $95 out of state.

allychase · October 2012

It's a Bari jay 102. The cheapest I've found is the same price were getting in the store and the only website I really trust is bestbridalprices.com

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