Ohio-Cincinnati

The wedding gift that left us a bit..........

Ladies! I apologize if I get very lengthy in the story/situation that I am about to type out but I really need your opinions and your thoughts! My hubby and I have only 1 'thank you' left to write and we are not sure what to do. We got married 9.12.09, opened up some of our gifts that night :) and the rest the next morning. Now, mind you we are not people that expect much and we were soooo thankful for all the gifts we received...... except for one.So, here is the SCOOP.... Husbands cousin and her husband are a couple in their late 20's, well paying jobs, pretty classy people. We attended their wedding two years ago, gave them a very nice gift, and recently she had a baby shower and spent a nice amount on that gift for her as well.......... we opened the present they got us (in a bright, palm tree bag that stood out from the rest of the presents) no tissue paper, just a throw blanked that actually looked like it was re gifted. It had probably been sitting in a closet for two years, it was faded and had some little balls on it... It's fine, at least it still was in it's original packaging.. then a box, that had dented sides and was not in the best condition. The cover of the box was faded and the picture of a Trivet?? was on the front (metal plate to hold stuff). This box looked like it was made in the 90's. As my hubby opened up the (dented box) he removed this platter type thing that had scratches on it and..... DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....   a $2 garage sale sticker on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Just typing this gets me fired up. So, they gave us a throw blanket that looked faded and was probably re-gifted (not a huge deal but whatever) and this garage sale item that was not even in GOOD condition..... I can't even begin to describe the feelings we went through. Please do not feel like I'm overreacting or that we are this couple that expected a lot from our wedding. I would have MUCH rather been given a nice card then this garage sale item. It hurt our feelings so bad only because we flew out for their wedding, got them something, and recently bought them an adorable baby gift. We thought maybe it was a joke but nothing has been sent in it's place and nothing said.... We have told our parents and they are just in complete shock and no one knows how to go about writing a thank you to them.I know some may say just say thanks and forget about it but I just feel like she maybe needs to kind of be put in her place..?? is that wrong of me??? Honestly... give us a gift from a garage sale, that's fine, but at least have the decency to maybe put it in a newer box and make sure the $2 sticker is off!! Funny thing is, we called up Hubby's sister who got married a few years ago and asked what she got as a gift from her and she couldn't remember at first and it all came back to her. She did get wine glasses and didn't really think anything of it but found out months later that the she had got them at a ...... can you guess GArage sale! So, I just feel like this girl has been given many nice gifts and in return does she always give garage sale items??? Ugh, I am soooo sorry for going on and on I just need your help. Should I write a thank you? what should I say? any advice or similar stories??? any help would be greatly appreciated!

Re: The wedding gift that left us a bit..........

  • edited December 2011
    After reading through this... I realize I have used some incorrect grammar! Don't judge!! :) .... just got a little excited trying to tell my story!
  • bbohacbbohac
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    wow, that's pretty incredible. i'd be pretty upset in your position as well. And i totally understand you wanting to put the girl in her place but....clearly if they're ok with leaving a $2 price tag on a wedding gift they either don't care or just don't get it. I know it might be really hard but i would just move on.
  • clearheavensclearheavens
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    member
    edited December 2011
    I really feel for you. I hate your situation and I know that I would have felt the same, if not, stronger. Like you, I think that re-gifting or getting things on sale is perfectly ok. But she should have had the decency to take off the garage sale sticker. That doesn't take money, just some thoughtfulness. The fact she didn't spend time thinking about your gift damages your relationship. I think it reflects on her. It would take a lot of will but I think the best course of action is to let it go. If it were me, I'd write a generic thank you card. The impersonalization should confirm to her the distance she put between you two. In the future, I think you should always be kind with her because you're the better person but now you know how to handle her at future family gatherings.
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  • edited December 2011
    I think I would have to be a little snarky and write some thing like.. Thank you sooo much for the throw blanket with the cute little fuzz balls over it.. it is adorable!!! and the trivet with the extra thermal protection of the garage sale sticker is just sooo awesome, it is exactly what we have always wished for.. and sign the cardEven if you aren't snarky about it... it is fun to pretend... I agree with the whole just a generic thank you.. but maybe writing a sarcastic/funny one might help with some of the anger
  • afloggieafloggie
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    A vague thank you card is a good idea. I don't know how I would react to something like that.
  • hccpsuhccpsu
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I would also probably write a generic thank you... "thank you for the gifts... I'm sure they will be useful.  We were happy to see you at the wedding [if they attended]."  I think the lack of effuse thanks will let her know her actions really weren't acceptable.  I think I'd be done with the gift-giving with them, even if they have another baby! I had a similar situation with my shower... SIL gave me a chip and dip set that was in an old-looking box (in very good condition, but the box was yellowed).  I looked at it a bit longer, and realized I had given the chip and dip set to her and my brother for Christmas about ten years ago.  This was the second time she'd done that to me (the other time was a sweater at Christmas that my sister had given to her... and my sister was there when I opened it).  I think regifting is fine, but keep track of who gave you what!
  • edited December 2011
    Wow - it makes you wonder about some people!  It sound like this is something that is going to bother you for a long time  - and understandably so.  It is not about being greedy and expecting gifts, but it is just unthoughtful and tacky to not give a nice gift to someone that has given so much to you, especially when you are financially able to do so. I would definitely talk with them.  You and your husband should sit down with both of them and nicely explain that your feelings are hurt especially considering what they have received in the past from you and others.  Let them know that it makes you both feel unappreciated when so little effort and sentiment was recipricated. 
  • edited December 2011
    I know this is not the RIGHT answer....but I don't think I'd write one.
  • edited December 2011
    I agree w/ FMS - I wouldn't write one either. I mean, if you do write one then they would probably think that you ARE grateful for their gift and they wouldn't think that what they did was unacceptable. I can't believe that they didn't have the decency to take the garage sale sticker off!!! IMO, I think that you shouldn't say anything to them and just let it go, but def. don't send a thank you card to them...b/c are you truly "thankful" that you received their gift? And if it was to ever come up as to why you didn't send them a thank you card - then that might be the right time to explain how crappy they are at gift giving!
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  • edited December 2011
    If it were me, when they opened the card all it would say is, "Thanks for the blanket and trivet." That's it. No greeting, no "Love Kendra and Hubby" and no "Thank you" Just that one sentence. It's still technically a thank you card, but without all the niceness, and it should get the point across.
  • weigllmweigllm
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Although I like Erin's suggestion of no card at all, I probably would send the most generic response, like Thanks for the blanket and trivet and just leave it at that.  If they are nice classy people, then they should be able to tell by your lack of response that you are upset and the "gifts" were inappropriate. Stuff like this drives me nuts- I'd rather not receive anything than something with absolutely no thought in it and for that matter something that can hurt the feelings of the people you're giving the gift to. I'm all about recycling gift bags/ tissue paper as long as they are in good condition and are appropriate for that occasion, but it's flat out rude when there is no thought in it.  My son was regifted or given a toy from a garage sale from 1994 last year at his 1st bday party... still upset about it, so I can see why this bothers you so much.
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  • edited December 2011
    We had a similar issue with a gift from one of H's friends (one of those gifts that feels so much like a snub, that receiving nothing would have felt like a better gift).  H didn't see a problem with it (really H?????), but we ended up sending one of those generic, one line, thank you for the X" thank yous, instead of actually spending time in drafting one. Spending time on it probably would have seemed like we were being sarcastic, anyway.  I'm still a bit testy about it (apparently I hold grudges ;)), and occasionally fantasize about regifting the item if we're ever invited to said friend's wedding.  Not that I ever actually WOULD do that, but it's fun to fantasize about it when I'm with other knotties, commiserating about ridiculous gifts like these.Anyway, I know it stings (trust me, I know it stings), but I think that you're the more classy person here, so just send the generic thank you note and be done with it.  Plus, if you're feeling particularly snarky, you could always rewrap the items - the holidays ARE just around the corner...  ;)
  • mollyfayemollyfaye
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    WOW...I am extremely hot headed so I'm not even sure how I'd respond to this (but I am sure it wouldn't be pretty lol).I completely vote for Erin's no thank you at all suggestion. Seriously, that shows about as much thoughtfulness and respect as she showed you. Especially after the effort you've made with her gifts in the past, I'd say she doesn't deserve a response at all.However, if you just couldn't live with yourself if you didn't send one I'd say just be as generic as possible, not even mention the gifts by name "Thanks for sharing our day, we really appreciate the gifts, blah blah, the end."Sorry you're dealing with this :( That is truly unacceptable. Don't let it irritate you anymore though, just forget about it and move forward, it's not worth your energy.Good luck with your decision!
  • HolliWouldHolliWould
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Find an old thank-you card that you received (from THEM would be good!), and cross out the writing on it. Maybe add some of your own. Maybe not.
  • mollyfayemollyfaye
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    HAHAHA!! HR and Holli: HILARIOUS. That pretty much made my day.
  • edited December 2011
    HAHAHA...I vote for Holli's idea..how freakin' funny would that be?? I would LOVE to see the look on their faces when they opened it!
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  • edited December 2011
    As much as the PPs about regifting it to them for the holidays and sending them back their thank you note cracked me up :) I would just send a basic Thank You card saying "Thank you for the blanket and trivet." I like to give people the benefit of the doubt-maybe they don't have the money right now. I know plenty of people who look like they have plenty to spare because they seem like they have good jobs, drive a nice car or have nice clothes, but maybe something came up and they didn't have the cash. If they are just being cheap, then just be the bigger person. I know that sounds like mom advice :)
  • HolliWouldHolliWould
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Snarky IS funny, but PP is probably right, actually.....
  • edited December 2011
    LADIES.... thank you all soooooo much for responding and giving your advice. Like Erin and many others said... I would love to NOT send a thank you but the best decision is to probably send a generic one. Hubby and I loooooooooved the idea of using an old thank you card they gave to us to send back. ha ha ha. that would be so funny!!! But, I know it's probably best to send a thank you and be done with it. (we even thought about sending a thank you but putting the sticker inside of the thank you without saying anything about it) Since all the relatives have received theirs, I am going to post pone my thank you just a tad bit longer, make her wait.... A part of me would like her to know how hurt we are and put her in her place, maybe someday I'll have the opportunity to do that, it's just such an awkward situation and experience it's so hard to know what the right thing to do is. ANYWAYS I am going to attach a link for you all to view the present itself!! ENJOY :) oh and by the way. my mom found it on ebay and it was selling for $4.99 so... my cousin in law got a DEAL!!! http://www.flickr.com/photos/[email protected]/?saved=1
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