Concerned about drunk "uncles" episode?

Re: Concerned about drunk "uncles" episode?

• handfast4me member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I dealt with this for my first wedding.  My then soon to be FIL had a drinking problem. I chose to only have a champagne toast, and the rest of the drinks were non-alcoholic.  It was NOT what I would have chosen without that wrinkle, but none of it was what I wanted anyway.  Wouldn't you know it, the day before, FIL ends up in the hospital seriously ill, so it became a moot point. However, in all seriousness, what is it you want, and why?  Is the potential of that person drinking the ONLY reason why you want to elope?  Because if this person is the only reason to elope, then get the bouncers, and go for the wedding you want.  DH and I sort of eloped-we went to Key West, and got married, just the two of us, with no guests and no attendants.  Everyone knew about it beforehand, though. It was wonderful, romantic, and intimate. However, if you're wanting to avoid the stress of a big wedding, it didn't avoid the stress for me.  There was still plenty to plan--the ceremony itself, finding an officiant, etc.   I wouldn't have done it any other way, looking back, but just wanted to warn you about the stress issue. 

  Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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• TheEncoreBride member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I totally undertsand the stress level for elopements, I know a wedding is not without stress regardless of the type of affair. The incident with that person really left a bad taste though. At this point I think I just want to be married and start our lives together, regardless of the party or elopement...

  

  {My Planning Bio} {The EncoreBride Blog}

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• handfast4me member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  Ok, well that being said, I have to tell you that my second wedding, with just the two of us, was far more meaningful to me than my first, medium sized affair. And it wasn't just the difference in the grooms either!  LOL!  So maybe you could elope, and plan a party at home aftewards so that you have a little more control over the beer, etc.?  Just trying to throw out suggestions.  It seems that Mr. Encore, in trying to come up with options, really wants that party.  It might be good to come to some sort of compromise, I think.  Of course, I have no easy answers for you, but still. . .

  Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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• right1thistime member

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  For reasons unrelated to excessive drinking, I felt that it was necessary to appoint a "bouncer".  It was my MOH's husband who is also my cousin.  I clued him in to what I was concerned about, and what action I wanted him to take in the event it came to pass (it did not).  It made me feel much less anxiety, and it gave someone else the job of being watchful - so I didn't have to.  I didn't give it another thought until the day was over.  Since this episode had such a profound impact on you- is there a way to have a heart to heart with this person?  Or, if its not someone you love, to have a "listen up" chat?  Something along the lines of, "you know, I love you dearly (or you know, you are important to Mr. Encore) and for that reason, you will be invited to our wedding.  But after you dumped the punchbowl over my head and tried to suck the oranges out of my hair at the farewell party, I am concerned about you making a scene if you tie one on.  What plan can we put together so that you can have fun, and I can relax and enjoy my wedding instead of worrying?"  I am in the "have the wedding you both really want, and don't let the turkeys ruin it for you" camp.  If that means eloping, great.  But if its a party you want-- then I think that you should plan it.  ~Donna

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• yellow_grace

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  I am concerned about the behavior of a few of my relatives, as well. I have spoken with a number of my aunts/uncles and even recently-married cousins, as well as my parents about my concerns. Together, we decided to have the party that FI and I want, and that my step-dad and a cousin (neither of whom drink) would be my "watch dogs." My cousin had similar concerns, and had a similar set-up- everything was fine at her wedding.One thing I did was make my wedding pretty formal. I know some family members won't attend simply due to that issue. So that eliminated some of my concerns.  I hope you have the wedding you want, and trust that no one will rain on your parade!GL!

  grace

  http://gracelings.blogspot.com

  

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• ck9586

  

  October 2009 edited December 2011

  We set up watch dogs in case certain people showed up---which they didn't. We had the wine/beer package for our bar and it went okay, even with the 23-yr-old-avg bridal party. Before the reception I introduced myself to the bartender and asked him to please cut people off if necessary, and if it's a problem, send someone after me. What about an AM ceremony, with a luncheon reception? Booze would be not as expected as would be at a eve reception.

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• TheEncoreBride member

  

  November 2009 edited December 2011

  Thanks for all the suggestions on how to handle the situation. I'm glad to know I wasn't the only one worried about this issue!

  

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