Christian Weddings

BM dresses and modesty

I struggled with this when looking for my wedding dress- and now I am facing it again!!  Why is it that most all BM dresses these days are so immodest?  I've found afew styles that I like that aren't strapless, and yeah, the strapless ones could wear some sort of shrug over it- but I get looked at like I have a third eye when I reject certain styles b/c they are strapless or too low or too form fitting.  Please tell me I am not the only one out there concerned with being modest on her wedding day and concerend with her maids being modest too!?!

FWIW- here is my gown, the high neckline is what sold me!!! :D

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Taffeta-Jewel-Neck-Ball-Gown-With-Side-Pockets-EW9848_Sale-Sale-Bridal-Gowns
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Re: BM dresses and modesty

  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 2011
    I told mine their dresses need to at least come to the top of the knee when they sit (so their knees will be covered when they stand, and the dress won't be too high when they sit) and no cleavage at all.  One of my BMs chose www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Satin-Dress-with-Pleated-Bust-and-Ruching-F13277_Bridal-Party-Features-Most-Popular-Bridesmaids">this dress, (she's short, so it's plenty long) and the others have managed to find dresses (some strapless) that work. 

    We found that if they stayed away from sweetheart necklines, and the dress was tighter (after alterations) around the very top and had rouching or some sort of break/cinch/whatever in the middle (making it more flattering and not look like they're wearing a sack) the strapless tend to work.  Some of those with straps were either v-necked too low or looked like high school homecoming dresses.

    Custom dresses is definitely one of my "If money were no object..." desires, because I can imagine exactly what I want in my head...just wish someone actually made it. :)
  • TimsGirl10TimsGirl10
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I loved that one you posted- but ummmm.... yeah, it was way too short on my super leggy sister!! LOL    I was showing FI some dresses and he was all "uh... no!!"  They were all strapless and he was uncomfortable with how much skin was showing.  I told him they'd have to at least wear a shrug for the ceremony.  He felt better after that- but still, its just disheartening.

    This is the dress that is the top runner- though I don't LOVE it.  I hate that I don't LOVE it! :(  I dont want to "settle"- and I know I have lots of time still, but its just not so easy.  (This is my sister and the dress will be black.  All of my maids are thin like her too)


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  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 2011
    I know what you mean.  My tallest attendant is my MOH, and that dress was halfway up her thigh.  That's why I'm not picking just one dress...it would take way too long to find one that will work for 6 different heights and bodytypes.  The pic you posted looks great.  I don't know if you're comfortable with ordering offline or not, but I googled "modest bridesmaid dresses" and a couple sites popped up.  Might have something closer to what you wanted.  HTH!
  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    member
    edited December 2011
    I know how you feel.  My BMs wanted something modest and it was really hard to find a dress that they liked.  What we learned:

    1.  Separates can be a good option because you can select skirt length and a more modest top.

    2.  Most dress stores (not David's Bridal) will have a catalog of modest dresses.  There is a company that makes them and I could not find them online, but when we asked at the store, they got a catalog out of the dresses.

    3.  A good seamstress is able to tailor the top to make it more modest without anyone realizing it was not made that way.  You can order extra fabric with the dresses or if your girls are not tall, the seamstress can use the fabric that was cut from the length.

    The dress you posted would accentuate the mid-section and if any of your BMs are self-conscious about their stomach, they probably wouldn't like it.  And since you don't love it, just know there are other options out there.

    GL!

    By the way, this is what we ended up with (it's floor length).


    image
  • edited December 2011
    I'm not really on the same page as you, as I adore knee-length strapless bridesmaid dresses, but have you tried Kirstie Kelly's bridesmaid dresses? She does the 'Disney Princess' dresses, and they're all mostly long with straps.
    "It is better to believe than to disbelieve; in so doing, you bring everything to the realm of possibility." - Albert Einstein
  • GJones27GJones27
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I love your wedding dress!  Yes, it is very hard to find non-strapless dresses.  One of my bridesmaids expressed concern about strapless for body image reasons, and the salon had only one or two choices which weren't very pretty.  We have to get ours from Priscilla of Boston since they gave me a huge discount on a gown in exchange for BM dress business, so we're stuck getting strapless from them.  We've been looking into getting a wrap for the girl who is concerned.

    I personally think modesty is a bit relative.  I always remember this C.S. Lewis passage where he pointed out there are indiginous cultures where women go topless, but that is considered modest in their culture.  And in comparison, Muslim cultures probably think Americans' short sleeves for women are immodest.  So no one should judge you for what you feel comfortable with. 
  • erolliserollis
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    Your dress is fantastic! It is so romantic! Fantastic pic and it does not look modest to me at all. So classy. :)

    I am certainly not the most modest person. I never thought about this before. I just want then in something appropriate. I do not want then to show to much skin and i still want then to be able to bend over/ move freely without any incidents.

    My sister is young and very modest, my cousin is like me (maybe a little more open) but very conscience about appearances (in a superficial way), and my MOH is conscience about her looks (she gained a lot of weight when she visited family in Spain and for the life of her she can not loose it. She has completely altered her diet and constantly works out. Still she cant loose those inches).

    I was in a wedding that we had strapless dresses. None of the bridesmaids were comfortable in them (for various reasons). Shawls were included with the dresses and all of us wanted to have them on during the ceremony. We pleaded with the bride but she nixed the shawls. She wanted a certain look and the shall were not apart of it. What makes this strange is that I was the most open person and was not comfortable in the dress. She on the other hand is extremely religious (and had a ton of issues with me. I found out shortly before the actual wedding how much they all disliked me. Most of it was my personality and not being as religious as they were. Wish I would have known sooner.) and very modest in her clothing choices.

    To each their own. I do my very best not to judge but sometimes it happens. We are only human striving to be better.
  • edited December 2011

    Your dress is beautiful!

    I know the strapless, knee-length dresses my bridesmaids chose from David's Bridal were all long enough in the knee and had the option of adding straps--you can always ask the clerk or seamstress about the possibility of adding straps or taking out the hem.  Sometimes there's wiggle room there. 


    Know any good seamstresses that could sew them for you?  One of my friend's moms did all the bridesmaid dresses and they didn't look handmade at all!

    image
  • heyimbrenheyimbren
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: BM dresses and modesty:
    I'm not really on the same page as you, as I adore knee-length strapless bridesmaid dresses, but have you tried Kirstie Kelly's bridesmaid dresses? She does the 'Disney Princess' dresses, and they're all mostly long with straps.
    Posted by Sorona
    i didn't even KNOW that disney had a bridal line!! i think you made my day with that :)

    try looking around in regular mall stores. my friend chose our bridesmaid dresses from Suzy Shier (just a regular store in the mall) that ended up being PERFECT for her wedding. and the store was very helpful in making sure we had a dress for each maid in their size. they called other Suzy Shier stores and had them delivered to our city for us, for no charge. and we didn't even have to buy the ones we didn't need!
    so that worked out really well for us.

  • TimsGirl10TimsGirl10
    100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys.  I am looking at some different designers, and will be looking at some department stores too.  I just want to "love" them- and I'm not loving them! :(  My mom was all "You don't have to love them, just settle for soemthing" but this is MY day, I don't want to just "settle".
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  • edited December 2011
    My bridesmaids are wearing this dress in 'oasis' (a teal color):
    http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Short-Chiffon-Halter-Dress-with-Pleating-F13954_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

    Most of the girls are my size, so I actually went into Davids a few months ago when I was first looking at them. I tried it on myself to see if I liked it enough to show them (didn't want to waste their time if I didn't think they would be comfortable in it). I loved it. It hits right a the knee, mayber a little longer. I think the neckline is modest (you could probably say neither the girls nor I am terribly "well endowed" so it is probably less of a problem than it is for other women). The halter ties in the back and hangs down to the middle of the back (hard to describe) and is very elegant. It is also very lightweight and works for dancing, which was important for me since it will be an outdoor wedding and reception in May.

    My MOH went with me later to try it on and she loved it too. She is also one of the most modest people I know and she said she felt very comfortable in the dress.


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  • mattycammattycam
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
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    edited December 2011
    I find that there are more selection with strapless dresses but I agree, don't settle! I have not found my bridesmaid dresses as yet but I like the 3/4 length dresses as opposed to the floor length and knee length. The dress woulld stop at their calves. Ideally I would like them to have a dress that they can wear again but still want it to look elegant.
  • ASquared11ASquared11
    10 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Jcrew and Ann Taylor have bridesmaid dresses, and some are more modest than those else where.  They tend to be a little more "mature" in their style, which often means that they offer a scoop neck or v neck which aren't plunging neck lines.

    This is the first time I've seen that there's a Christian community page- I'm pretty excited!  :-)
  • edited December 2011
    Hi! Don't often post here - but thought I'd share my bm dresses, it's wtoo by watters #788- here's a pic of one of my bm in it (the real one will be brown):


    They all wanted dresses that had straps and since my wedding is in November in Minnesota I thought floor-length would be warmer :-) good luck!
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