Vent Post

CarrieMarried · May 2010

Thanks for reading!

bethsmiles · May 2010

Suck it up, seriously a few weeks from now you won't care about this. I know it kind of sucks but she could have not invited you at all, sometimes people mess up don't let it ruin your friendship.

tidetravel · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-kick-her-out-buti-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:38a939ad-b2e2-4d2a-a478-bec93ac6b3faPost:d080176e-9017-4688-b4e2-7d60931daac4">I know I can't kick her out but....I need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I need to vent, but also ask for some advice. So, my friend and I are both engaged. We met in college, and after graduation we ended up moving to the same town. I have felt pretty close to her as we hang out often. Since we're both engaged, we talk about wedding stuff all the time together, and I asked her to be in my bridal party (along with my two best friends from high school and my sister). She didn't ask me, and I was fine with that (she had friends she had known since elementary school). Even though I was not in her bridal party, she would ask me to help out with things for her wedding, and I decided to help her because I knew none of her bridesmaids lived around us. My thinking was, if I were in her shoes I'd appreciate the help as well. So, I've gone shopping, helped plan, helped make stuff....the whole enchilada for this girl's wedding...and then the day of her bachelorette party she calls me and tells me she forgot to invite me to her bachelorette party and wants to know if I can come. Ummm....WHAT? She didn't forget to email me three times that week for wedding help. So now I'm starting to think this is a one sided friendship and obviously I'm upset...I don't know...I just feel used. I don't want her standing up with me at my wedding anymore because I don't feel like I'm important to her (I may be over-reacting due to hurt feelings here). Anyway, I don't feel like I can kick her out since it's bad ettiquette, but I do feel like I should phase her out of my life before the wedding. Is this a bad idea? Or should I just suck it up and have her in the wedding and just realize she's not as close of a friend as I thought? We haven't purchased dresses yet if that even matters. Thanks for reading!
Posted by CarrieMarried[/QUOTE]

You need to calm the hell down. She admitted she forgot to invite you - it's not like she had the party and told you after the fact. It's quite possible she figured that she had mentioned it at some point in all of the wedding talk.  Missing out on one party shouldn't be the definition of your friendship.

If you don't feel like you're important to her, the mature, adult thing to do would be to TALK to her about it. Go out for lunch/beers/pedicures and talk about something OTHER than your weddings for a while. Then you can decide on the status of your relationship. Or, you can act like a passive aggressive 13 year old, and phase her out of your life.

Also, something to keep in mind while you decide on the status of your friendship -  you are happy to do all of those things for her; if she doesn't reciprocate for your wedding, it doesn't make her a bad BM, a bad friend or a bad person. You cannot place the same expectations on others as you place on yourself.

keeponbelievin · May 2010

It sounds like you guys have bonded over wedding planning, and over the fact that you live so close, etc. It sounds like, through talking about the bachelorette party, you were an "expected" guest, and then she later realized, "oh, oops, I didn't officially ask her". That is often how I am with some of my friends, we have been friends for so long that, when we plan stuff together or talk about planned activities, it is with the expectation that it is "together" and it is a given/automatic that they are included. We will get to planning and talking, and then LATER, it's "oh, and of course, you will be invited". It's not that they are an afterthought, it's the exact opposite, they have become extended family of sorts and are automatically included.

Did you go to the party? How did she act then? I would play it by ear and not make a rash, quick decision.

germangirl6988 · May 2010

i understand where you are coming from, you have to think about this though, this is you and your soon to be husbands wedding. if it were me i would want to be only surrounded by the people i care for and who care for me. i kicked out my MOH because she was being so vile over everything. jealous that her boyfriend has not yet proposed and i got engaged before her. she was very toxic and i didnt want to be around that. so i very so politely told her that we were just going down seperate paths and we wernt as close as we were. if i were you, and i didnt want someone up there then do it. but sleep on it for a day or two, if you still feel the same then by all means go for it. like i said previously, it is you and your future husbands day. may you have nothing but great thoughts and pictures about the day. not regrets of having someone in the wedding. hope this helps

misschase3 · May 2010

I would be upset too! But I think the other ladies are right when they said that it was just expected that you will be there. Now if you got to the party and she just wanted you to clean up or something.....then maybe there were other issues.

trix1223 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_cant-kick-her-out-buti-need-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:38a939ad-b2e2-4d2a-a478-bec93ac6b3faPost:a9bb75dc-f13a-4c52-add7-931ee65a2ade">Re: I know I can't kick her out but....I need to vent</a>:
[QUOTE]i understand where you are coming from, you have to think about this though, this is you and your soon to be husbands wedding. if it were me i would want to be only surrounded by the people i care for and who care for me. i kicked out my MOH because she was being so vile over everything. jealous that her boyfriend has not yet proposed and i got engaged before her. she was very toxic and<strong> i didnt want to be around that. so i very so politely told her that we were just going down seperate paths and we wernt as close as we were.</strong> if i were you, and i didnt want someone up there then do it. but sleep on it for a day or two, if you still feel the same then by all means go for it. like i said previously, it is you and your future husbands day. may you have nothing but great thoughts and pictures about the day. not regrets of having someone in the wedding. hope this helps
Posted by germangirl6988[/QUOTE]

I'm so glad you did something very rude "so politely". I'm sure that helped a lot as you kicked your friend to the curb.

OP: Please ignore this advice. You over-reacted. It happens. Especially as weddings get closer. But don't kick your friend out. Accept that you got a case of "weddingitis" and relax and move on.

Also accept the fact that different people have different ideas of "being involved" in a wedding. You were, I assume, delighted to do all that you did. Because you did it. But that doesn't mean that everyone is the same. And they don't need to be, and that's just fine.

I can absolutely promise you that within days after your wedding you'll be wondering what in the world you got so up in arms about.

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