Skipping the Parent Dances

em01092 · February 2012

After all the crap with FMIL, we decided to skip the parent dances. FI never really wanted to dance with his mom anyway, and all of this that happened with her over the past few weeks really sealed the deal.

He asked his dad to make sure this wouldn't make things worse, and he said she does not want to do it. Even before all of this hooplah started, she was irritated because she and FI would not be doing some kind of "showy" dance like she sees on TV/YouTube videos her friends send her. FI does not dance, so they would have been doing the 6th grade sway anyway. Same with my dad and I. FI and I are not even doing anything "showy." We're just slow dancing. A few turns every now and then. Woooo.

Anyone else skipping them? I'm kind of sad about it, but at the end of the day, I think it was a good choice. Don't you think it'd be weird for me to do a dance with my dad and for FI not to dance with his mom?

meganb1977 · February 2012

I'm not close with my father. Wish fiance had agreed to skip them but we can't since he wants to dance with his mother. Blah.

cgyvhu · February 2012

I really want to dance with my stepdad. It means a lot to both of us. FMIL is also being annoying and kinda doesnt want to dance with FI because she doesnt want people looking at her...I dont get it, but whatever.

I'm not skipping a dance with my stepdad and hurting his feelings b/c FMIL is a brat. If she chooses not to dance, We'll just have a father daughter dance. It looks bad on her. I don't see why you cant do one parent dance.

[Deleted User] · February 2012

I don't feel like you should skip it if its something that you really want to do. I have been to many weddings where they only had a father-daughter dance. We are doing a father-daughter, but not a mother-son, because FI's mom doesn't feel comfortable.

mybestfriend4eva · February 2012

Im doing the father daughter dance as im very close with my dad. However FI does not have anything to do with his mother so we will be skipping that. Instead he will have a special dance just for him with our 3 year old daughter.

em01092 · February 2012

So far everyone on the reception board is saying we should just skip them both, because doing the F/D dance might just make FMIL even more pissed. I really don't know that I care enough to risk it.

And Aimee that will be super cute! I don't know the details of his relationship with his mom, but see in that sense I think it's different. I just feel like FMIL might take it as a slap in the face if we did the F/D dance and not the M/S dance, even though she said she doesn't want to dance with FI.

cdbishop · February 2012

FI's mother actually passed away a few years ago, so we are just doing a father faughter dance.

I actually went to a wedding last summer and they did a father daughter dance and not a mother son dance and the mother was there. I understand though that it may make the situation even worse with FMIL if you dance with your father and she doesn't get to do a dance. How does your father feel about this?

em01092 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:80a65f92-a469-4a22-89d4-fd89a852f7b5Post:e0083a2b-9ffb-4368-b4e7-106f75f791dc">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]FI's mother actually passed away a few years ago, so we are just doing a father faughter dance. I actually went to a wedding last summer and they did a father daughter dance and not a mother son dance and the mother was there. I understand though that it may make the situation even worse with FMIL if you dance with your father and she doesn't get to do a dance. <strong>How does your father feel about this?</strong>
Posted by cdbishop[/QUOTE]

<div>He couldn't give 2 craps about mostly anything WR. He hates dancing, so he is relieved we don't have to dance, though he would have had I asked. He did say he was happy I asked him to walk me down the aisle, but he would have respected my decision had I not wanted him to do so (nothing to do with our relationship, but the mixed emotions I have about the tradition). </div>

FutureMrsWright2012 · February 2012

We're not doing either... In fact, FMIL is not invited and my dad "can't get the time off work".

I wouldn't normally be that concerned about just doing the "father-daughter" dance, but with all the yucky stuff that has gone on between you and your FMIL, it might be safer to just avoid both altogether (at least if you aren't really that concerned about the dance with your dad). If you've always looked forward to dancing with your dad at your wedding, then do it. FMIL will have to understand and get over it eventually.

Good luck to you! Sorry that things have been so drama with her lately!

lynchaa · February 2012

I think this is def subjective. I've been to so many weddings some with no parents dances, some with father/daughter, some with both and all is accepted. I think you should do what you want and care about. Personally, I wouldn't miss dancing with my dad for anything!

blgrout · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_skipping-the-parent-dances?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:80a65f92-a469-4a22-89d4-fd89a852f7b5Post:dab77ccb-9736-4df2-aa02-04fb57e93c82">Re: Skipping the Parent Dances</a>:
[QUOTE]Im doing the father daughter dance as im very close with my dad. However FI does not have anything to do with his mother so we will be skipping that. Instead he will have a special dance just for him with our 3 year old daughter.
Posted by mybestfriend4eva[/QUOTE]

Awwww, that's so cute! My friend's H danced with her daughter (who was 7 at the time) to the Mariah Carey song "Hero" at their wedding, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house when they were done. That will be SO sweet.

As far as we're concerned, my dad and I are dancing, and FI and his mom are not. My dad and I have always shared a mutual love for being active and dancing and the like, and I would be devastated if I couldn't dance with him (incidentally, this is a possibility that it might not happen, he's dealing with a torn tendon in his ankle right now that's healing, but slowly). He really, really wants to dance with me at my wedding. FI hates dancing, so he said he'll dance with me, but that's it. :) I'm sure that's breaking like 18 ettiquette rules, but I don't care.

chickenbut143 · February 2012

I'm planning on dancing w/ my uncle - he's walking me down the aisle and has been a big part of my life (much bigger than my dad, who RSVP'd no).

FI is dancing w/ him mom, she doesn't like the idea of all eyes on her, but wouldn't miss out on her dance w/ him for anything. In fact, she's more upset that we're not having a rehersal dinner b/c "no one will know she's the groom's mother". Really??? Urg.

starree444 · February 2012

I'm skipping them too. I'm not close with my dad, so i wouldn't dance with him. I would dance with my stepdad but since my dad will be there, it might hurt his feelings. So no parent dances. I'm fine with that thought.

marcellah · February 2012

I'm not clsoe with my father at all, but FI is SOOO close to his mom, and she's such a sweety that i'm sucking it up for them. I found a non-"daddy" song to dance to, "my wish" by rascal flatts, that way I'm not standing there thinking, THIS IS NOT WHAT MY CHILDHOOD WAS LIKE AT ALL

blehhh oh well. it's important to both FMIL and FI. I'll suck it up I spose

kazm14 · February 2012

I have been to wedding where there was just a father/daughter dance. If the groom isn't super close to his mother or she doesn't want to do it then don't feel the need to miss out on your dance with your Dad because of that. Honestly, not a lot of people will think much of it anyway. One less dance to have to sit through for the guests.

I am considering doing both parent dances at the same time. My Dad and FMIL dont really dance much and dont really like being in the spotlight. This still gives them their dance and a chance for us to say thank you to them but without as much fuss.

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