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Negative Nancy

fishpod365fishpod365
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in Moms and Maids
My Mom passed away four years ago so I have my grandma helping me plan my wedding but she is the ultimate Negative Nancy. She is constantly telling me to just go to the justice of the peace, I cant afford food for the reception, and worst of all she thinks I should make the guests make sandwiches. Yrs lay or slices of bread, cheese, ham and condiments. That idea horrified me. What kind of host would that make me if the guests had to make their own food. I want so badly for her to be involved in the planning but she is just so negative. I guess the fact that she hate my future husband for some seriously unknown reason. Every time someone and her she can't give a straight answer. He had been nothing but nice to her. I'm so afraid that all of her negativity is going to stress me out even more and possibly run my big day after all she already informed me that she is wearing black to my wedding. So with all that said any tips on dealing with a " Negative Nancy"?
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Re: Negative Nancy

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    mcskatcatmcskatcat member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    First off, you should really change your screen name.  You'd be shocked at what people can do with just an email address.

    In dealing with your grandma, you really probably just need to stop trying to involve her in the wedding planning.  I know you would love her help - but she's shown the kind of help she's going to give you, and if you don't like it then you can handle the wedding planning with your FI.  It can often be a tough time - wedding planning - because you will realize that you can't change people, and in this case nothing you say or do will make her change her perspective on your wedding.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2012
    Debbie Downer is probably about the same age as my mom, Maudlin Mary (grandmother of the bride). They remember the depression, when a typical wedding reception involved a homemade cake, sandwiches, potato salad, punch and coffee. Sometimes, Uncle Happy showed up with a bottle of whiskey for the men to share in the back yard. They were not being bad hosts, they were sharing what they could afford with the people they loved.

    If grandma's negativity is getting to you, don't involve her with the planning. Pay for your own wedding. Do not tell her how much anything costs.

    If she is being rude to your Fi, it's your duty  to set her straight. Tell her that's the man that you love and you will not tolerate the negative attitude toward him.
                       
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    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
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    I agree with PP. You need to stop involving her in your planning and pay for the wedding yourself. If she doesn't have any cash involved, then she doesn't get a voice and you have no reason to share your plans with her. That will help with the dress and negative attitude. Also, you do need to stand up for you FI. Tell her that that is who you've chosen to spend your life with and unless she can give you 5 concrete answers why you should second guess it, then you would like her to keep quiet about it.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    OBX2011OBX2011 member
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    I agree with PP's

    And please delete this account and start a new one without your e-mail in it.....like asap

     

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    CowgirlK39CowgirlK39 member
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    Stuff like this makes me glad my grandma isn't alive anymore, mostly because of what Maire said. I don't know how old your grandma is, but a certain generation has their brain stuck in that time, and all they think about is pinching every penny. Mine would probably have told me my wedding was frivalous and excessive. So just leave her out of it. The more you tell her, the more her mind twists it into something bad. Do what you want and don't let her bother you.
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited April 2012
    Cowgirl! My own grandmother saved, washed and reused plastic bags and string,  could make a cake without eggs, milk or butter, an 'apple' pie with no apples, icecream from snow and a pot roast that was better than prime rib. She shopped at 3 differnent grocery stores every week to get all the best bargains (even when she no longer had to). She also told great stories about the old days and made us grandchildren feel like we were the most fascinating creatures that ever lived and breathed.  When my daughter was born, I asked my grandmother to be her Godmother. I knew she wouldn't be around to see her grow up, but I knew she would love my daugher a liftetimes worth, anyway. I really miss her and wish you had a chance to know your grandmother, like I knew mine.

    My only point was that OP's grandma comes from a different time, when penny pinching was a neccessity and a catered wedding would seem frivolous to a woman who had to feed a family on rations. So it's a good idea not to talk money with grandma.
                       
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_negative-nancy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:a4d09c77-f4f7-4b76-97bc-ac62f185f3b0Post:5074c5c2-dce7-41e0-bc27-2e378ba2ab9c">Negative Nancy</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Mom passed away four years ago so I have my grandma helping me plan my wedding but she is the ultimate Negative Nancy. She is constantly telling me to just go to the justice of the peace, I cant afford food for the reception, and worst of all she thinks I should make the guests make sandwiches. Yrs lay or slices of bread, cheese, ham and condiments. That idea horrified me. What kind of host would that make me if the guests had to make their own food. I want so badly for her to be involved in the planning but she is just so negative. I guess the fact that she hate my future husband for some seriously unknown reason. Every time someone and her she can't give a straight answer. He had been nothing but nice to her. I'm so afraid that all of her negativity is going to stress me out even more and possibly run my big day after all <strong>she already informed me that she is wearing black to my wedding.</strong> So with all that said any tips on dealing with a " Negative Nancy"?
    Posted by fishpod365@hotmail.com[/QUOTE]

    First of all, I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother.

    Secondly, both mine and H's parents wore black to our wedding, they looked very classy.  Of course, they didn't wear black to symbolize mourning like your grandma seems to be alluding to, but you can't change her feelings, you can only change your perspective of it.  Black is a very flattering and timeless color, so no one will think anything of it if they see her wearing it to a wedding, so don't worry about that part.

    Lastly, you have two options of dealing with her negativity.  First is to talk to her about it and let her know how much it hurts your feelings that she isn't being supportive, and ask her <em>why</em> she feels that way.  The second would be to just stop including her in any plans and just move forward with whatever will make you and your FI happy.  Either way, you need to do what's right for you.

    Best of luck, happy planning!
    Anniversary
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    jerzmom114jerzmom114 member
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    I agree with Maire...My grandmother saved everything from plastic bags, old string, and every penny she had. She made us home made dolls, toys, play doh, hair ties, soup out of almost nothing, and taught us to enjoy life without tons of "stuff". The fact that Cowgirl said she is glad her grandmother isnt alive anymore because she was like that , is appalling to me.
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    expats14expats14
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    My grandmother is getting quite angry for the same reasons: FI and I are not okay with making our guests make their own food (also, grandmother thinks that my horrid allergies to 3/4 of the foods involved in her hypothetical menu are made up to spite her). 

    The only way we've managed to remain on any form of speaking terms is to avoid discussing the wedding at all costs (pun not intended).  I preempted any offers from her to help pay for it because I couldn't stand the thought of haggling with her over every detail (despite the fact that FI and I are coming in at 1/3 of our budget). 

    As much as she drives me crazy and makes me want to pull my hair out on a weekly (if not daily basis), she is my grandmother.  And she is, for better or for worse, a part of my life.  I figure that if my father has put up with her as a mother-in-law for over thirty years, then I can grin and bear it, say "well, I will consider that," and just try to get through the next year without her driving me insane. She's thinking long-term, not wedding.  That's what I keep telling myself. 

    Also, I suggest taking up gum-chewing.  It's amazingly therapeutic.  And if your grandmother is anything like mine, she won't be able to hear how loudly you chew it when she's lecturing you on your wasteful ways.
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