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Etiquette

Reception Only Invites....

Out seating is limited at the dinner part of our reception but we are more than happy to invite our not so close friends for the dance part of our reception. We are not expecting gifts from these people, only want them to join in on free beer and be a part of our day. So, my question is....does anyone have this situation and what do I say on the invites, "Come at 8pm for Dancing and drinks?" Help!

Re: Reception Only Invites....

  • Not ok. You don't say it on the invites because it is horribly rude to treat your friends (close or not) as second tier citizens. You are having trouble formulating the correct verbiage because it is plain unseemly.
  • In Response to Reception Only Invites....:
    Out seating is limited at the dinner part of our reception but we are more than happy to invite our not so close friends for the dance part of our reception. We are not expecting gifts from these people, only want them to join in on free beer and be a part of our day. So, my question is....does anyone have this situation and what do I say on the invites, "Come at 8pm for Dancing and drinks?" Help!
    Posted by gmgarza42
    This comes across as rude. It makes it seem like those people aren't good enough for the ceremony and dinner. It is rude.
  • No.

    Either they are invited to the ENTIRE thing, or not at all.
  • This is rude!  It sends the message that "you made the cut but we don't like you enough to feed you". 
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  • This is not a good idea and I would be highly offended to be asked this as a guest.
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  • If they're "not so close" friends, why would you invite them anyway? Invite what your venue can hold, or find a new venue. You don't invite people for only part of the party

  • ...are tacky.

    What, we're not supposed to complete the sentence?  Innocent
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  • >>does anyone have this situation

    Of course not.  This is totally rude and selfish, and ALL those people you are thinking of adding on for the reception would see this as a "gift drop off" opportunity because they aren't good enough / close enough to actually wtiness your wedding ceremony and eat the dinner.

    >>and what do I say on the invites...

    Try using a poem:

    You aren't liked enough to come to the ceremony of our wedding,
    Nor join the wedding witnesses for a wonderful fancy dinner.
    But if you can buy us a nice gift like china or bedding,
    Come later, drop your gift on the table, and enjoy free beer and dancing.

    Oh, wait.
    That last line doesn't rhyme.
    Maybe you can fix it.
    Or just say NO to this hella rude idea entirely.
  • Prior to the knot, I didn't realise that people did things like this. 
  • In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    You are having trouble formulating the correct verbiage because it is plain unseemly.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael
    I've noticed that when Brides ask how to word something so that it comes across as being poilte, it's sometimes because there just is no polite way to say it.


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  • In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    />>does anyone have this situation Of course not.  This is totally rude and selfish, and ALL those people you are thinking of adding on for the reception would see this as a "gift drop off" opportunity because they aren't good enough / close enough to actually wtiness your wedding ceremony and eat the dinner. >>and what do I say on the invites... Try using a poem: You aren't liked enough to come to the ceremony of our wedding, Nor join the wedding witnesses for a wonderful fancy dinner. But if you can buy us a nice gift like china or bedding, Come later, drop your gift on the table, and enjoy free beer and dancing. Oh, wait. That last line doesn't rhyme. Maybe you can fix it. Or just say NO to this hella rude idea entirely.
    Posted by Kristin789

    Kirstin brings the funny. I didn't know you had it in you!

  • >>Kirstin brings the funny. I didn't know you had it in you!

    It's been a good day, Sun.   :-)
  • Invites to the "dancing only" part of a reception are incredibly rude. Weddings are not open houses where guests come and go throughout the whole thing. If you are not particularly close to these people that you want to invite to dancing only, then don't invite them. It comes off as incredibly rude for a guest to not be invited to the ceremony, but to be asked to come "have a free beer." Whether you mean it that way or not, it comes off as being gift grabby. I know you said you don't expect gifts, but as a guest I would still feel obligated to bring one if I attended.
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  • This happened to me once.  We went and drank their booze and "forgot" to get a gift.

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  • the only way i have seen this done semi-appropriately is for a younger sibling's friends.

    example: the MOH was a younger sister. her friends knew the bride and had spent time with her growing up.  they were invited for drinks, dancing and cake. and they were MORE than happy with this. they were all 21 and still in college. no invitiations were sent out, but by word of mouth, the MOH told her friends to come later. turned into a giant dance party after the adults left. prolly the most fun i've had at a wedding.

    but if these are your good friends...it's not gonna work.
  • In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    />>. Try using a poem: You aren't liked enough to come to the ceremony of our wedding, Nor join the wedding witnesses for a wonderful fancy dinner. But if you can buy us a nice gift like china or bedding, Come later, drop your gift on the table, and enjoy free beer and dancing. Oh, wait. That last line doesn't rhyme.
    Posted by Kristin789
    Not all poems have to rhyme. :P 


    Just a side note, I didn't know people did this until my FBIL suggested it and said, "Our family does it all the time." My reaction: "Seriously?!?"
      
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  • Don't do it. Its so rude. Its like asking for a gift, but you not feeding them or enjoying the pleasure of their company. IMO, it says you aren't good enough for us, but please send a gift anyway.
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  • The only way I have seen this done is when an announcement is made at church, saying something like, "The bridge and groom invite you to celebrate their marriage with dancing at 8 pm at such-and-such place".  A similar announcement is usually placed in a newsletter or bulletin.  I think it's strange, but some church families think it's acceptable not to be invited to the dinner portion and still want to celebrate.

    In this case, the ceremony is also open to everyone.  I wouldn't do it, but I have seen it  before.
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  • Kari919Kari919 member
    First Comment
    edited June 2010
    I too am looking for the best way to word this type of invite, and am leaning towards more of a party invitation.  It is extremely common, and acceptable, where I come from for neighbors or children of the parent's friends to be invited only to the dance.  Good luck with your invites!
  • In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    I too am looking for the best way to word this type of invite, and am leaning towards more of a party invitation.  It is extremely common, and acceptable, where I come from for neighbors or children of the parent's friends to be invited only to the dance.  Good luck with your invites!
    Posted by Kari919
    I'm from a small town around Minneapolis and I'd be shocked and embarrassed for the couple if I received an invitation like this. I hate when people say that things like this are "acceptable" in their area, since they're often really not.
  • I had to explain this to DH. He went to the bars three nights in a row before the wedding, and kept running into people we'd "forgotten" to invite (not really forgotten, because we are not close to them, they are just 'bar buddies'). He kept drunkenly telling them to come after dinner for drinks and dancing and then would call me the next morning to tell me about it. He had a really hard time understanding why it was rude. I think it must be a guy thing.
  • Wow ladies, I didnt see gmgarza42 ask for your opinion. Yes, actually I am in this situation kind of, where our wedding is very limited and certain people and our reception has more room for people, so I have two different groups of people, the ones going to the wedding, and the ones going to the reception. But guess what, no matter how many people post back and tell me Im rude or improper, Im still gonna do it. I was gonna ask the forum for help on wording our invites, but there seems to be hardly anyone with actual class on this website, the last thing I want is some b!*ch from the other side of the country to tell me an opinion that doesnt matter to me, I am already getting enough crap from my FMIL.
  • In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    This happened to me once.  We went and drank their booze and "forgot" to get a gift.
    Posted by J&K10910
    It also happened to me about a month ago. I wish I would have thought of that!

    Just kidding, I actually didn't go but I didn't send a gift either. It was my cousin's wedding and my aunt FB message invited me. I love my family... but it was rude of them to do.

  • In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    Wow ladies, I didnt see gmgarza42 ask for your opinion. Yes, actually I am in this situation kind of, where our wedding is very limited and certain people and our reception has more room for people, so I have two different groups of people, the ones going to the wedding, and the ones going to the reception. But guess what, no matter how many people post back and tell me Im rude or improper, Im still gonna do it. I was gonna ask the forum for help on wording our invites, but there seems to be hardly anyone with actual class on this website, the last thing I want is some b!*ch from the other side of the country to tell me an opinion that doesnt matter to me, I am already getting enough crap from my FMIL.
    Posted by KTHD
    Clearly you've never been on the receiving end of this. Why is your wedding limited? Budget? Then cut back on the flowers and invite everyone you care about. It isn't rocket science. It's very hurtful to be invited to go "dancing" only but not for dinner or for the ceremony. Think about someone else besides yourself for once. I don't care if that comes off rude to you.

  • This is called a tiered reception and it's NOT okay.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
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  • In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    Wow ladies, I didnt see gmgarza42 ask for your opinion. Yes, actually I am in this situation kind of, where our wedding is very limited and certain people and our reception has more room for people, so I have two different groups of people, the ones going to the wedding, and the ones going to the reception. But guess what, no matter how many people post back and tell me Im rude or improper, Im still gonna do it. I was gonna ask the forum for help on wording our invites, but there seems to be hardly anyone with actual class on this website, the last thing I want is some b!*ch from the other side of the country to tell me an opinion that doesnt matter to me, I am already getting enough crap from my FMIL.
    Posted by KTHD

    Way to bring up a dead thread.

    I thought some of it sounded familiar when I posted.  And name calling is a sure way to get yourself banned.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • It was all relevant to me, I did a search trying to find some help on how to word my invitations and this was the closest board. The problem is no one posts any helpful comments, everyone is either rude or opinionated and that is the most annoying part of this whole website. And I dont care if I get myself banned cuz Ive been thinking about leaving the knot and telling everyone I know to never use it. Portland is a lot more laid back than the women on this website and honestly I hate message boards, I tried to use it looking for help and I got the opposite. You all should be ashamed you are trying to push your own personal opinions and views on someone elses wedding, you have your wedding and I have mine, dont tell me what I do is rude, its actually my parents choice and its the only way my FI and I will have a wedding, we wanted to just elope, weddings are stupid, and women planning it become crazy!
  • KTHD, you should use your HM registry to pay for your wedding so you can invite all guests to everything.

    Also, if you asked someone for advice on the best way to rob a bank, would you expect people to only say "buy a ski mask" and not mention that actually you probably shouldn't do it at all? People ARE posting helpful comments, you just don't choose to listen to them. No one can tell you the polite way to do the rude things you want to do because they are just that, rude, and therefore there is no polite way. And once again, if you don't want opinions, don't post asking for advice. Why is this such a hard concept for you to grasp?
  • Mrs.B6302007Mrs.B6302007 member
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited September 2010
    In Response to Re: Reception Only Invites....:
    It was all relevant to me, I did a search trying to find some help on how to word my invitations and this was the closest board. The problem is no one posts any helpful comments, everyone is either rude or opinionated and that is the most annoying part of this whole website.  Not true.  There are tons of helpful responses on the boards. You're confusing not helpful with  not validating.   And I dont care if I get myself banned cuz Ive been thinking about leaving the knot and telling everyone I know to never use it. Portland is a lot more laid back than the women on this website and honestly I hate message boards, I tried to use it looking for help and I got the opposite. You all should be ashamed you are trying to push your own personal opinions and views on someone elses wedding,  It's not pushing our own opinions; it's giving advice on proper etiquette you have your wedding and I have mine, dont tell me what I do is rude,  Hey, we're just the messengers.  You really want to take this up with Emily Post  its actually my parents choice and its the only way my FI and I will have a wedding, we wanted to just elope, weddings are stupid, and women planning it become crazy!  Happy planning!
    Posted by KTHD
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

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