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Frustrated with guest list

navybride11navybride11 member
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in Wisconsin

I think this is more of a vent and then I have a question at the end. My FI and I are paying for our wedding and wanted a fairly small wedding. (It cant be that small due to my large family, so we wanted under 150). Well the day I ask my FMIL for her guest list she adds on an additional 20 couples (40 people) of her friends. I was upset and so was my FI so he talked to his mother about cutting her list down and she explained that most of these invites were curtesy invites and that most people already said they couldn't make it. So I sucked it up and sent the invites. Well... Now almost every single one of her friends has responded yes! His mother has invited more friends to our wedding than my FI and myself combined. My FMIL then justified it by saying she would be paying for all her friends since there is a lot, but thats besides the point. Do I really need to spend my wedding night talking to 40 different people that I've never met in my life? Not to mention that our small wedding is now blown up into almost 200 people! I know its too late to do anything about it, but is it okay if I dont speak to all of them on my wedding night when I wanted to spend my time with my close family and friends??

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Re: Frustrated with guest list

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    gundy21gundy21 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My MIL invited about 6 couples to the wedding (ILs graciously hosted the RD, but did not help with other costs).  We had met some of them before, but not all.  We stopped by those tables during the dinner, chatted for a few minutes, and that was that.  You should at least do a brief stop by to thank them for coming and state that it means a lot to your ILs that they were able to come.
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    rungirl12rungirl12 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I am mad right along with you!  At least she is paying for it, but I know EXACTLY how you feel because there are relatives in my family I don't want to invite that my mom is insisting I invite, and she even offered to pay for them, but the fact is I don't want them there because I don't even know the first thing about these people.  I see them at weddings, funerals and never anything else.  (Sorry for the personal rant!)

    But, since you went ahead with the invites and now they are coming, you're in a different spot.  I don't think you need to make an effort to chat with these people.  If they approach you, by all means be courteous and chat, but I wouldn't go as far as to make any effort to visit the table.  If there were 75 people total it would be different, but if you need to visit 200 people, I would cut corners and only seek out those that are truly invested in your big day.  They will be seeking out your MIL to congratulate and that is who will want to speak with each of them, so let her shine amongst her pals.  Just my thoughts.
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    JelennyJelenny
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Well they were invited so to snub them gives you a really bad first impression of you - just saying.  Granted you may not see them again so that is your call, however, these people could say something to you FMIL and that COULD possibly hinder your relationship with her. 

    I was in the same boat (except I planned on the people attending although MIL said they would not).  There were people who I have never heard of or seen at my wedding - but I was with a smile on my face all night, saying thank you, getting and giving hugs.  At the end of the day I didn't want to be the one in the corner with a stink eye or snubbing guests...that is just me.

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    aimee58aimee58 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm in the same boat!! We're still 13 months out, but FMIL has a list of 50 people to invite that I don't know and FI has only met once, some of them 10 years ago. FI is going to talk her into reducing that number....it's so frustrating.

    Unfortunately, you have to at least greet them and thank them for coming. But make it quick, I wouldn't spend more than a couple of minutes doing that. It doesn't have to be small talk, just a quick hello and thanks!
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    navybride11navybride11 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yea I figure I'll at least say hello and thank you for coming but thats probably the extent of it. I meant that I didn't want to spend a lengthy conversation with them. We plan to walk table to table during dinner so we can thank everyone personally for coming. My FI hasnt even met all these people either. But I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one with this problem!
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    gadragonettigadragonetti
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Nope, you are definitely not alone!  FMIL's are fun, aren't they?  Unfortunately, no way to avoid them.  I think you are right, a brief hello, thanks for coming, and you don't need to spend one on one time with each couple getting to know them.  They will most likely bring you a gift, so you do want to be polite and gracious, but that's all you need to do.
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