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bbyckes · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_destination-local-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:7864bd81-9382-4f64-979c-06e128658529Post:ccd4c92b-89a7-4fb2-8ce4-0ee4bf5b09d9">destination or local wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I want a destination wedding more than ANYTHING. The thought of planning a wedding and spending all of the money and time scares me to death. I love the idea of picking a package and having a simple wedding FAR away and spending the whole week there. I would not mind it being just my fiance and me or inviting family and friends along too. My family and friends completely support me and they think its the perfect wedding for me. My fiance has told me this whole time that he does not care what kind of wedding we have. He always says he just wants me to be happy. He also says we don't even have to have a wedding, it is my choice. I began making plans for my dream destination wedding. I was actually excited about it. He told me yesterday that he does not want a destination wedding at all. He said if we did it, he would want it to be just us, but he said he does not want one because he does not think his friends would make it. (I know he contradicts himself). I am broken. I wanted this destination wedding more than anything. Everything about it is perfect for me. Now that I can't do the wedding I have been dreaming of, I really don't want a local wedding more than ever. If I can't have my dream wedding, I rather go to the courthouse instead of getting stressed and spending a ton of money on something I don't want. My fiance wants a wedding still. Would it be rude of me to ask him to do the planning of it since he wants it and I don't? I am also worried about telling my family that we are not having a destination wedding anymore. They knew how excited I was and I am worried they are going to think my fiance is controlling because he does not want what I want. My family was going to pay for the whole wedding, but I don't want to ask them to spend a ton of money for a wedding that I don't want, and just my fiance wants. What should I do?
Posted by KatelynSevagian[/QUOTE]

One word comes to mind here: compromise. I find it really incredible that you're willing to chuck the whole wedding and let him do the planning simply because he has a difference of opinion on how he'd like the wedding to be. This is a discussion that you should be having with your future husband. How would a bunch of strangers help you decide on what is best for the both of you?

His concerns about his friends not being able to make it to a destination wedding is valid. What does your family thinking that your FI is controlling have to do with anything? If you don't want a wedding, be a baby and go to the court house. OR you can do what adults do and work through the differences. Perhaps choose a location outside of the city you live in that is a beach location or something like that.
You could choose a location that's a mid-point for everyone.

Stop sulking like a toddler and help yourself by reaching a compromise with your furture husband.

mehgank · April 2010

I agree with pp's in that you need to work with your FI on your wedding plans. This is a marriage uniting the both of you, and since it's not possible to marry yourself (although, to me, it sounds like if that were possible, you would), you seriously need to be more flexible.

Since you didn't mention where your "dream destination wedding" would take place, let's say for argument's sake that you wanted to get married in Tuscany, Italy. Couldn't you find someplace stateside that would give the Tuscan feel without the outrageous expense? Places such as Martha's Vineyard, or some other place in Napa Valley?

Just a suggestion. Destination weddings are great, but not if it's gonig to cause major conflicts with your future husband.

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