Ceremony site has us stressin' HELP!

MrsParker6411 · March 2010

My Fiance and I live in Lansing, but our hometown is over close to Flint and thats where our family lives. We were hoping to have a beach wedding on the west side of the state. Probably Muskegon or Holland, on one of the nice beaches over there. And were having the reception here in Lansing at the University Club. Unfortunatly my parents and his are both saying we should get married closer beacause no one would want to come all the way over there. I say the important people will be there for us no matter where we have the ceremony, and its gonna be only close family anyways. We cant have 200 people on the beach.lol.

we google mapped the drive. and its only about 2 hours for them to get there. Parents and the bridal party would be staying in a hotel the night before after the rehersal. and they would drive through Lansing to get home anyway so the reception site isnt a problem either. The reception will be larger (200 people) and since its closer to home, the people who are only invited to the reception would easily be able to come.

They keep insisting to move it closer but weve also had people say its your wedding, do it your way and if people dont come its their problem. We feel the same. I just want to hear what you guys would do. Move the ceremony? or have your ideal wedding?

emarston1 · March 2010

Absolutely not. Do not have your reception 2 HOURS away from the ceremony - max is usually half an hour. Honestly, unless you were my brother or sister I would not travel the distance in between (and even then I would be really irritated) instead I would either just go to the ceremony or reception. Honestly it seems really selfish of you to force your guests to travel 2 hours.

I understand that this is your wedding but remember that the reception is for your guests. Be a good host and move either your ceremony or reception site.

abbycobb812 · March 2010

I'd think it was pretty ridiculous to have to drive 4 hours total just to attend a 20 minute wedding ceremony. I think you should pick one place or the other. They would still have to make the drive if you moved the reception over to the lakeshore, but at least they could have the option of staying the night in a hotel instead of driving right back home again.

There are plenty of beautiful outdoor locations in the Lansing area you could use for your ceremony as well.

MrsParker6411 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-lansing_ceremony-stressin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:96Discussion:d59e2a96-9202-4e00-9487-c96514ef2906Post:ac1117f8-c6b3-48b2-8724-7981f55097f4">Re: Ceremony site has us stressin' HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Absolutely not. Do not have your reception 2 HOURS away from the ceremony - max is usually half an hour. Honestly, unless you were my brother or sister I would not travel the distance in between (and even then I would be really irritated) instead I would either just go to the ceremony or reception. Honestly it seems really selfish of you to force your guests to travel 2 hours. I understand that this is your wedding but remember that the reception is for your guests. Be a good host and move either your ceremony or reception site.
Posted by emarston1[/QUOTE]

The reception is a lot closer for the people who will only be at the reception. the only people having to go to the west side and back to lansing are the ones actually attending the wedding too. like at the most 20 people.

jme35 · March 2010

So you're only inviting 20 people to the ceremony? How many are you inviting to the reception?

I don't want to be rude ... but you're going to alienate and/or offend people either way - either that they aren't important enough to witness your marriage, or that you expect them to drive four hours to do so. I agree with the PP - have your reception where you have the ceremony.

Betsyboo13 · March 2010

Well, I'm with the above posters as well. You said it would only be for about 20 people who would do both...I feel sorry for those 20! I would be upset that I had to spend my whole day in a car for a 20 minute ceremony....I just wouldn't do it!

MrsParker6411 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-lansing_ceremony-stressin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:96Discussion:d59e2a96-9202-4e00-9487-c96514ef2906Post:e7e86f0b-f6bd-472d-8ec1-5f58c708acaa">Re: Ceremony site has us stressin' HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]So you're only inviting 20 people to the ceremony? How many are you inviting to the reception? I don't want to be rude ... but you're going to alienate and/or offend people either way - either that they aren't important enough to witness your marriage, or that you expect them to drive four hours to do so. I agree with the PP - have your reception where you have the ceremony.
Posted by jme35[/QUOTE]

We plan on having over 200 guests at the reception. And I've been on the websites of the cities im looking at for the ceremony, and there is a limit to how many people you can have on the beach for weddings. we cant have EVERY single guest at the wedding and reception. so were just going to have a very intimate wedding with only family and close friends.

The thing that upsets me the most about the whole thing is that my family and i have gone all the way up to traverse city for a wedding, no complaining (she wasnt family either) but they're making a big deal out of my wedding.

jme35 · March 2010

Im guessing that the TC wedding ceremony and reception were held a reasonable difference from one another.

The difference is that you are asking people to drive 2 hours to your ceremony and then two hours back to get to the reception. By my math, that's four hours (at least) of being in the car for a 30-minute ceremony (at most?)

For the TC wedding, Im guessing you either drove up the day before or the morning of - so three hours for a 30-minute ceremony, plus a four hour reception. You probably then drove home the next day.

And this doesn't even address that people are going to be put off that they are not going to be invited to the wedding, but only to the reception.

gailpete · March 2010

Regardless of the distance issue, which is just not right, what you are planning is wrong from an etiquette standpoint. You are planning to have family and "close" friends at the ceremony and then invite others to a reception when they weren't invited to the ceremony. If it were me I'd feel like I was invited to the reception because you wanted more gifts.

If you want to do an small ceremony, it should only include your parents, grandparents, siblings. Then the guests that weren't invited to the ceremony won't feel like they didn't make the "A" list of friends. Ideally, everyone should be invited to both the ceremony and reception (which is a party to thank your guests for witnessing your wedding).

I think you should either find a site in Lansing to hold your ceremony that can accomodate all of your guests, or find a reception location on the west side of the state and cut your guest list to only those that can fit at the ceremony.

jdgardin · March 2010

I agree with everyone so far. I was invited to a reception only wedding (not to the ceremony also) and was extremely put off. Two hours is very selfish, I feel bad having people drive 30 minutes to a rehersal dinner and these are my closest friends and relatives. Please don't have your family and friends drive 2 hours for a ceremony on the beach.

MeganH2010 · March 2010

Totally agree with everyone above! And if you went to the TC wedding, wasn't both the ceremony and reception in TC? It's not like you drove to TC for the wedding and then back to Lansing or whereever for the reception.

Anyway, if you want a "waterfront" wedding, why can't you find a ceremony location in Lansing or the flint area on the waterfront? Example: Lakeview Banquet Center. You can have your ceremony on the dock/lawn overlooking the lake and then your reception inside. My cousin had his wedding there and it was beautiful!

I think the most important thing to remember is that even if you are having seperate guest lists for the wedding and the reception, you need to still hold them close together (within 30 min) because it's unfair to ask those select people to drive a ridiculous amount of time just so you can get married on the beach. Pick 1 location.

MrsParker6411 · April 2010

In Response to Re: Ceremony site has us stressin' HELP!:
[QUOTEExample: Lakeview Banquet Center. You can have your ceremony on the dock/lawn overlooking the lake and then your reception inside. Posted by MeganH2010[/QUOTE]

I looked at the LBC you suggested. We have a reception site already. were getting married in the banquet center my fiance works at. So we dont need an all inclusive location. And when I say "beachfront" i mean beachfront. If I could ABSOLUTLEY have my way, the wedding would be in Washington by the OCEAN but that is far beyond our means and we DO want to include people which is why were keeping it in the state.

Lakeviewbanquet center did look nice. but it doesnt fit what im looking for, like everything else in Lansing. theyre all small lakes, most arent even that pretty.

I want a LAKE, not a mud puddle.

emarston1 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_michigan-lansing_ceremony-stressin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:96Discussion:d59e2a96-9202-4e00-9487-c96514ef2906Post:6b71b318-43c3-47f0-9e26-5228bc1b1d16">Re: Ceremony site has us stressin' HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE] theyre all small lakes, most arent even that pretty. I want a LAKE, not a mud puddle.
Posted by MrsParker6411[/QUOTE]

You may want to be careful about how you phrase things as there may be women on this board that are using this venue and think it's beautiful.

Either way you still sound like a brat because you aren't willing to concede any portion of this "dream." Remember, it's JUST a wedding. The MARRIAGE is what you should be most looking forward to, not the minute details about the wedding. The wedding is just a means to a very important end. You will be just as married if you get married at the beach than if you go to the Justice of the Peace.

jme35 · April 2010

if you are so hell bent on doing what you want, critics be damned ... why did you ask? You've just succeeded in coming off like you don't care what others (your guests) think, and insulted somone else's site in the process.

Don't ask questions that you don't want answers to. People tried to be nice and explain why it might be a bad idea from your guests' perspective. Your family has told you, and now complete strangers have told you. Now its up to you to decide what you want to do.

gailpete · April 2010

I agree with JME35.

BeccasmarryingAdam · April 2010

If there isn't a single bride that agrees with your idea above... perhaps that should be a red flag that it is not a good idea. If you are making your 20 guests drive 2 hours...then why not go all the way and have your 'Washington Beach Wedding' and make them all FLY to your Lansing reception??? (Totally kidding obviously)

The wedding is a long day for all those attending as is, but to add a 2 hour drive in between is just ridiculous. Something else to consider... what about those guests that have to travel long distances to get to your beach wedding in the first place? I'm sure there are some that live much further than 2 hours away from Muskegan or Holland. Are you providing gas cards for those that will need to travel the distance to be in attendance? I'd be pissed as one of your attendees that I'd have to pay for a hotel in 2 different locations (one the night before the wedding to be close to the beach, one the night of the wedding to be close to the reception) AND pay for all the gas traveling to and from your events.

Even though it is "your" day... you still need to be considerate of those attending, whether it be just 20 guests, or all 200 guests. If you were a guest at a wedding, would you want to drive all that distance and pay all of the expenses involved? I think not. Be considerate of your guests... choose a ceremony location closer.

kate51485 · April 2010

Also a word to the wise, Parker -- don't run off to other boards complaining about the feedback you got, none of which was mean or rude. The only manners failings here have been you.

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