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Marine Corps Wedding Question

kryskn22kryskn22 member
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in Military Brides
Ok, this might sound like a dumb question but I have been told by a few people (that know nothing about the Marines itself) that my Fiance needs to get "permission" from the Marine Corps before we get married. I don't think my Fiance has to ask permission but I just wanted to check with other Marine Spouses before we get married to figure it all out.
Thanks.
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Re: Marine Corps Wedding Question

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    melbelle24melbelle24 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think it's more letting his chain of command know that he getting married than "asking permission for it". At least that's what I understood from my fiance. I would suggest asking your fiance though, he should know.
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011

    Thank you melbelle24.
    I don't know if he knows either. He hasn't said anything about having to talk to the Marines before we get married, except that he has paperwork to do once we do get married. He is still in the last of his training for his MOS at the moment, so I don't know if he'd know. I guess I'll have to ask him if he knows the next time I get to talk to him.

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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    Some commands require premarital counseling, a consultation with the financial planner on your base, a meeting with the Sergeant Major, etc. I think it's a great idea, and I hope General Amos implements it Marine Corps wide. At the very least, your fiance should notify his chain as PP suggested. 

    My advice is to wait until he's been in the fleet for a while, far removed from MOS school, letting him make Corporal, and I generally advise going through a deployment prior to marriage. When he gets to the fleet, living in the barracks with the guys he'll deploy with will create bonds that will be useful to him on deployment. He won't get that if he gets married. 
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    melbelle24melbelle24 member
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry, but I have to disagree with Stan. At least about how living in the barracks would create bonds he wouldn't get if he was married. FI has been living in the barracks for the past 3 years, but every time I talk to him, they're all out at one of the married guys' houses hanging out, they haven't ever seemed to have problems "bonding" whether they were single or married. Going through a deployment would probably be a good experience, but I don't think, if you're already engaged, that you should put off the wedding just to make sure you can handle a deployment. By the same token, I would never say to rush a wedding just because of a deployment.

    OP - I would suggest you at least wait until he finishes training and hits the fleet. That way you will know where he's going to be stationed and he will have a chain of command to talk to. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. Good luck!
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    It's not just bonding for deployment. It's getting the life experience you should be getting from 18-22, instead of moving straight from parents' house, to squad bay, to married housing. And she is right OP, all the single guys will be hanging out at your house, annoying you all the time.

    I think Marines who don't have to field day do miss out on bonding experiences. But, if I had a lot of junior Marines deciding to get married, I'd have lots and lots of uniform inspections.
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011

    lol ok guys...just to clear this up lol.

    First of all,...Deployment won't change our feelings for one another. We have known each other and been good friends for 11 years now and have been dating over 2 years of that. We have talked about deployments and what not and both agree we will be there for one another as much as we can.
     
    Second of all...It is kind of hard explaining this when you do not know us personally, but I'll try my best. Everyone, even the Marines my Fiance has met, all believe my Fiance and I have a one-of-a-kind love and are a "perfect couple." I allow him to do whatever he wants, to some extent, and he just stays honest with me. We both trust each other and love each other more than most would think at our age. We both have a lot of respect for one another too. Like I said, it's very hard to describe without personally knowing us both.

    Third of all...He is Reserves, so he's not technically going to be on bases right away, if not at all at this point anyways. He will be done with his MOS training in December 2010 and we aren't planning on getting married until March or April of 2011. I'm already going through college and will continue to go through college once we are married. My Fiance is planning on going to college too while doing his reservest training one weekend a month and two weeks of every year.

    Hopefully that helped clear up some of the prior mentioned posts. Smile

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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    Talking about deployments is not the same as going through one. And while this may sound snarky, it is not my intention to be mean, but dating in high school is not like dating as an adult. There's nothing wrong with waiting a while, finishing college, etc. No harm comes from waiting. I really do advise waiting until he's an NCO, no matter how perfect the love and how deep the respect.

    But, I didn't listen to anyone when I was 18-22, so good luck to you both, and I wish you a long and happy marriage that defies the odds.
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    USMCwifex20USMCwifex20 member
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    edited December 2011
    He will have to get permission from the marine corps to take leave for your wedding yes.I went through the same thing and finally we just decided to do our wedding when he was on leave for thanksgiving
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    mysticlmysticl member
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    edited December 2011
    Hey, is anyone noticing that she said he's in the reserves?  Doesn't that change the whole experience as far as living in the barracks, deploying, taking leave, etc? 
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011
    Thanks USMCwifex20 for your post.

    mysticl...You are exactly correct and thanks for realizing that and pointing it out. =) I added that he is reserves for that very reason and it doesn't seem to make a difference to the posters. Since my Fiance is reservist, he won't be living on a base in barracks, he won't have to take leave because he'll be reserves and going through college, and we already have a small idea of when deployment could possibly be...not an exact time though. I did talk to my Fiance on his weekend liberty and he said he didn't have to ask permission, just had to take me in after we are married to get paperwork filled out and have me answer a bunch of questions.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    It didn't make a difference to me that he's a Reservist because it doesn't change my opinion that marriage at your ages and his rank is not a good idea. 

    And you're right, he probably won't deploy until he graduates, barring a huge world war. Does he plan on trying to commission once he graduates?

    ETA: And what questions does he say you're going to be asked? You need a clearance to marry a college student or something?
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011
    WishIcouldbe...
    Well reguardless of what you believe, we are going to get married. If you knew my Fiance and I personally, you might better understand our relationship. Hardly anyone thinks we are getting ourselves into marriage too soon, because they know us personally and how we are together.
    He won't deploy until after he graduates because he has to finish his MOS training, common sense there.
    I do not know the questions I will be asked...it is for all the paperwork for the Marine Corps. I do not know what all it entitles, I am just going along with it for now until I know more or am informed about it more.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    I already said that I didn't listen to reason when I was your age either. I understand that. What I really don't understand is enlisting in the United States Marine Corps and consciously choosing to be non-deployable for my first 4 years. I tend to see people who do that as wanting to be able to call themselves prior service officers, which I don't care for.  

    Also, is that your prom picture or an MC Ball picture in your avatar?
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011
    He can still be deployed during those first four years. In fact, there is a possibility he could get deployed withing 6 months to a year after he graduates from his training. He isn't joining and not getting deployed for four years...it doesn't work that way.

    As for the picture, it really doesn't matter which it is and it isn't either. The dress I am wearing is from my Senior Prom, but it wasn't taken during prom and we have not been to a Marine Corps Ball due to the fact he has been home a total of 10 days in the past 6 months.
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    All the reservists I know are non deployable when they're full time university students, is that not the case for him?

    ETA: They do their one weekend a month, two weeks a year (in the summer), but are non-deployable as long as they're full time.
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011
    Well obviously not all of them are. My Friend and my Fiance are both in the same unit and once they are done with training, they both come back for college and both can be deployed at any amount of time after they are finished with training. I know they do that training during the weekends and summer, but obviously he can still get deployed because that's what his unit and sgts are telling him.
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    natalieervinnatalieervin member
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    edited December 2011
    OP- I am a young bride also. Don't let people put you down. You know what you and your FI feel. I am a senior in HS and will be getting married in June of 2011(hopefully. lol). My FI is in the Navy but works with the Marines, he is a Corpsman. I admire anyone that joins, whether full time, or reserve. My FI and I have been together 2 years, through basic, Corps school, and now him living 12 hours away. I am jealous that you get to stay home! lol I will miss my home town a lot, but I will be the happiest girl in the world as long as I am with him! :)
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011
    natalieervin ....Thank you!! It just aggervates me when people sit there and tell me I am wrong and this is not the way it is going to go, when it's coming straight from the Marine Corps itself. Congratulations on getting engaged and soon to be married. I graduated high school in May 2010 and am in college. I'll be half way through my second semester of my first year when my Fiance and I get married. I too, admire all those who join to help protect and fight for our country. Your relationship sounds similar to mine and my Fiance's. We have been together over 2 years now and have went through Boot Camp, and now training. When he gets to come home...it'll be a total of 6 months that he's been gone and we've seen each other 10 days of that and couldn't talk at all during boot camp (12 weeks), so I personally know how that goes and I give you kudos for sticking to your man as so many of us have. The only reason we get to stay here is because he is in the reserves and going to college at the same place I am (45 minutes from home). Of course you will be happy, you are going to be with the one you love and that is what matters. He will now be your family and most importantly, the one each of you turn to for guidance, strength, and assurance. Congratulations again Smile
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    Luke&Sam625Luke&Sam625
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    edited December 2011
    I'm just trying to get back to the original question.. Once he has a command, he has to let them know he's getting married. Not letting them know is punishable by NJP as far as I know. My FI is a Marine and he had to let his chain of command including NCO's and Staff NCO's that he was getting married over his christmas leave. They'll want to know about you, what your plans. In our case they needed to know that I was also AD military. I believe that he has to attend a class, but it will be really helpful knowing what we're entitled to as a married AD couple. With him being a Reservist, it should be easier and much less complicated.
    Also, just an opinion, You came off a little snarky in some of your posts. Believe it or not, everyone here is just trying to help you. Even if you're not hearing what you want to hear by people telling you you're too young and what not, Everyone on this board has an valid point.
    Best of Luck!!Smile
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    kryskn22kryskn22 member
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    edited December 2011
    Luke&Sam625,
    Thanks for your info. I posted one post saying I finally was able to talk to the Fiance and he said he didn't have to ask anyone or what not, so I guess he doesn't have to...the Marines often confuses me, so I go with what my Fiance tells me and what the Marines tell him. With him being reserves, it does seem like it's going to be a lot less complicated. Thanks for kind of giving me an idea of what type of questions they might ask...I was wondering that and my Fiance didn't really know.

    I am sorry if I came off rude, but when someone tells me that it is this way and I know for a fact with my Marine Fiance it is not that way, it upsets me. It's basically like saying, no you are wrong and know nothing, when all I am doing is repeating what the Marines told my Fiance. I know people think we are too young, but if people knew us personally it might change their opinion of that, but that's my opinion. I just think it was rude of people to tell me that I'm wrong about things and act as if I am stupid and clueless with what I am saying. That would be why I might have came off rude in a few posts...
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    kyrgyzstankyrgyzstan member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think you are stupid and clueless, I think you are young. Any of us who have been around the military for a significant amount of time have heard all the justifications for marriage that you are using, many times. We've heard the "if you knew us personally, you would think we were the perfect couple" stuff. Everyone who gets married loves each other and respects each other, that's the point. And yet most of those young marriages (especially military young marriages with the added complications) don't last. Waiting to get married never hurt anyone, but rushing does. But again, 18-22 year olds don't listen to anyone, I certainly didn't. Which is why I said that I wish you a long and happy marriage that defies the odds. 

    I definitely don't take issue with enlisting as a reservist, it's a great way to add service to one's country if their life isn't suited for active duty. I definitely do take issue with people who enlist in the reserves and go full time to school specifically to avoid deploying. Especially if they're planning on commissioning and claiming their enlisted service as deep experience. Enlisting is an honor, it's not a notch in the belt, or a ribbon on the chest on your way to getting saluted. Since you say your fiance is not avoiding deploying, that is clearly not the situation in his case, so good to go.
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    natalieervinnatalieervin member
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    edited December 2011
    OP- Thanks! :) Congrats to you too! I can't wait to get married! I hope you and your fiance have a wonderful marriage! My experience is if you talk to them, then it will work out a lot better. My sister got married her freshman year in college and they have been married for 3 years now and have a beautiful daughter! :) So, even though it is true that some young marriages don't work out, if you put forth the effort and really love each other you can get through anything. Anyhow, just my 2 cents. I hope you have a beautiful wedding! :)






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