Tiered Reception Tales

twohollydays · May 2011

So if anyone wants to share a tiered reception tale feel free.

Ive only been to one and my feelings werent hurt as I didnt know it would be tiered and I didnt know tiered receptions were a fauz paus.

A coworker told all of us that date and time of her wedding and we didnt need to RSVP. The ceremony was lovely after we all entered the hall next to the ceremony site. There they had appetizers for the extra guests and a full sit down meal for the couple's close family and friends. We sat our gift on the gift table and ate a few bites and then left.

The other stories I have heard were HORRIBLE.

Anyone have an interesting one to share?

opalsky007 · May 2011

FAUX PAS. Faux pas. That is all.

bellebride116 · May 2011

WHAT!?

twohollydays · May 2011

Ignorance is bliss. Those of us eating the appetizers were just happy to see the event. LOL

Brandiewine11 · May 2011

Just because you weren't offended doesn't make it right...

twohollydays · May 2011

Im not saying it was. Im looking for more stories.

ootmother2 · May 2011

I have to admit I don't have any tales.

I must lead a sheltered life

twohollydays · May 2011

LOL. Okay I will then assume that MOST brides who even consider this have someone talk her out of it!

Marrin713 · May 2011

Not to threadjack, but Belle every time I see your husband's reaction to the first look, it makes me smile.

OP - I've never been to one. However, my xH and I tried so hard to get my parents to agree to one. Thankfully my mom knew best on that one.

tesskerr · May 2011

I have been to one. It was my FI aunts wedding. I never actually saw the invite (I think the info was passed on to FI from his mother, the brides sister, as the bride didn't have our address, we had just moved)

I bought a new dress, got my hair done. Got home that afternoon, all ready to go! My FI then told me it didn't start till 8pm. Ok, fine, I have never been to such a late wedding, but ok. We get a lift to the venue with FI sis and her boyfriend.

Venue is a wedding and reception venue, so again, didn't think too much about it, I'm just looking forward to some food!

Walk in to a very obvious tiered reception. Dirty plates still on tables, people quite drunk already, they had already cut the cake, and there was pretty much just crumbs left. No bar (not even cash bar!) just wine on the table, which was all gone.

There was tea and coffee though! I was so embarrassed I had gone to so much effort. I was mad they had even bothered to invite us. I would have MUCH rather not have even been invited. i didn't exactly feel like we had been invited just for our gifts, but I felt like we had been invited because we were family, and they had too. I guess they thought they were being polite?

(Other people also invited to the last part of the wedding, brides brother + family, who travelled 8 hours by car for the wedding, and also didn't realise it was tiered. The brother was "allowed" to witness the wedding and have dinner, but his family wasn't invited till after dinner.)

lizziec08 · May 2011

So you were eating appetizers while other people were having a sit down dinner? Am I reading that right? I don't see how that could ever be okay. Were you standing or did you have a table?

GeauxTigers17 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-reception-tales?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3697d9a3-e27c-401a-a302-7a125dc4e62bPost:93dd0d88-f371-4fee-bef0-a95935db584f">Re: Tiered Reception Tales</a>:
[QUOTE] (Other people also invited to the last part of the wedding, brides brother + family, who travelled 8 hours by car for the wedding, and also didn't realise it was tiered. The brother was "allowed" to witness the wedding and have dinner, but his family wasn't invited till after dinner.)
Posted by tesskerr[/QUOTE]

<div>I've never been to or invited to a tiered reception either, but just chiming in to say that this might be one of the tackiest, hurtful things I've ever read on here - just wow.</div>

tesskerr · May 2011

We actually didn't get any food or drink. I think we were sitting in seats of people either dancing, or old people who had already gone home for the night.

It was very embaressing, as it was obvious both my FI and I had gone to a lot of effort it getting ready, and it was obvious that we didn't know it was tiered, and then some people made fun of us, to our faces. It was either "Wow, you sure do go to a lot of effort for a coffee" or "Didn't you know?" (Like we were idiots and should have known)

badkittyct · May 2011

Tiered receptions are sooooooo tacky and hurtful that I can't even imagine why someone would consider it.

leia1979 · May 2011

I'd never heard of a tiered reception before TK. The closest I've witnessed was a wedding that featured two family tea ceremonies I wasn't invited to. There was a family-only tea ceremony at the bride's family's house, the western ceremony that everyone attended, another family tea ceremony at the groom's family's house, and a reception that everyone attended.

The only annoying part was the five hour break between ceremony and reception, since I realize there's no way to fit 200 people in someone's house.

TheCranberry · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-reception-tales?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3697d9a3-e27c-401a-a302-7a125dc4e62bPost:cca77289-57d9-4802-aaf2-404dff27174a">Re: Tiered Reception Tales</a>:
[QUOTE]We actually didn't get any food or drink. I think we were sitting in seats of people either dancing, or old people who had already gone home for the night. It was very embaressing, as it was obvious both my FI and I had gone to a lot of effort it getting ready, and it was obvious that we didn't know it was tiered, and then some people made fun of us, to our faces. It was either "Wow, you sure do go to a lot of effort for a coffee" or "Didn't you know?" (Like we were idiots and should have known)
Posted by tesskerr[/QUOTE]

Wow that is horrible. I can't believe you were invited to something like this AND guests had the nerve to mock you for it. I probably would have felt embarassed too even though the B&G were the ones who should have felt embarassed.

SilverLining1 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-reception-tales?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3697d9a3-e27c-401a-a302-7a125dc4e62bPost:43ad7704-d05e-4c34-853c-9f063839ac11">Re: Tiered Reception Tales</a>:
[QUOTE]Not to threadjack, but Belle every time I see your husband's reaction to the first look, it makes me smile.
Posted by Marrin713[/QUOTE]

<div>I scrolled up to see what you were talking about and went "AWWWW" out loud. It is awesome.</div>

mob2689 · May 2011

This is the first I have head of such a thing, it's so, so not right and should be left alone. That is nuts, rude and all those other kind of adjectives,

twohollydays · May 2011

The brother's family wasnt invited. Terrible that was the couple's family too!

Yes, we were standing and they had place cards for the guests at the seated dinner. Im amazed at the stories of the late invitees who are not even eating. That is terrible. Ive usually only heard of certain guests having cake and punch right after and others having a full seat down meal at another location.

DramaGeek · May 2011

twohollydays, I'm amazed that you weren't insulted by the fact that you had to stand around and watch everyone else eat dinner. Who were these people that you were so honored to get to watch them eat?!

twohollydays · May 2011

An old coworker. We didnt watch them eat the servers will setting up the salads and things for the guests. Those of us who werent sitting down ate a few bites and left.

MelissaAnne88 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-reception-tales?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3697d9a3-e27c-401a-a302-7a125dc4e62bPost:cca77289-57d9-4802-aaf2-404dff27174a">Re: Tiered Reception Tales</a>:
[QUOTE]We actually didn't get any food or drink. I think we were sitting in seats of people either dancing, or old people who had already gone home for the night. It was very embaressing, as it was obvious both my FI and I had gone to a lot of effort it getting ready, and it was obvious that we didn't know it was tiered, and then some people made fun of us, to our faces. It was either "Wow, you sure do go to a lot of effort for a coffee" or "Didn't you know?" (Like we were idiots and should have known)
Posted by tesskerr[/QUOTE]
That is beyond horrible. Ugh. Just awful!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-reception-tales?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3697d9a3-e27c-401a-a302-7a125dc4e62bPost:93dd0d88-f371-4fee-bef0-a95935db584f">Re: Tiered Reception Tales</a>:
[QUOTE]I have been to one. It was my FI aunts wedding. I never actually saw the invite (I think the info was passed on to FI from his mother, the brides sister, as the bride didn't have our address, we had just moved) I bought a new dress, got my hair done. Got home that afternoon, all ready to go! My FI then told me it didn't start till 8pm. Ok, fine, I have never been to such a late wedding, but ok. We get a lift to the venue with FI sis and her boyfriend. Venue is a wedding and reception venue, so again, didn't think too much about it, I'm just looking forward to some food! Walk in to a very obvious tiered reception. Dirty plates still on tables, people quite drunk already, they had already cut the cake, and there was pretty much just crumbs left. No bar (not even cash bar!) just wine on the table, which was all gone. There was tea and coffee though! I was so embarrassed I had gone to so much effort. I was mad they had even bothered to invite us. I would have MUCH rather not have even been invited. i didn't exactly feel like we had been invited just for our gifts, but I felt like we had been invited because we were family, and they had too. I guess they thought they were being polite? (<strong>Other people also invited to the last part of the wedding, brides brother + family, who travelled 8 hours by car for the wedding, and also didn't realise it was tiered. The brother was "allowed" to witness the wedding and have dinner, but his family wasn't invited till after dinner</strong>.)
Posted by tesskerr[/QUOTE]

Who on earth was invited to the actual wedding if not for actual family members?

noodle_oo · May 2011

Tesskerr: that is *awful*. I would have been so upset, I'm pretty sure I would have cried. I wish you had taken your gift and walked out. That is so rude and hurtful, I can't even imagine how couples can think this is okay.

amyb140 · May 2011

I am kinda new here, but I have never HEARD of such a thing!!!!!!!!!! I am seriously amazed that people who are so tacky are even allowed to get married.

Here I am busting my tail making sure everyone's invited with a plus-one, and that we have enough choices of alcohol, and some people are inviting guests to come have COFFEE????? Isn't there someone in these people's lives who can smack them? If that was my sister or close friend they'd be hearing from me.

artbyallie · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-reception-tales?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3697d9a3-e27c-401a-a302-7a125dc4e62bPost:abba0575-435a-441a-9d9d-423f784c4199">Re: Tiered Reception Tales</a>:
[QUOTE]I am kinda new here, but I have never HEARD of such a thing!!!!!!!!!! I am seriously amazed that people who are so tacky are even allowed to get married. Here I am busting my tail making sure everyone's invited with a plus-one, and that we have enough choices of alcohol, and some people are inviting guests to come have COFFEE????? Isn't there someone in these people's lives who can smack them? If that was my sister or close friend they'd be hearing from me.
Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]

<div>Good for you for having class. Unfortunately, far too many people won't tell their loved ones how they truly feel and so such behavior gets validated and justified. That's why we're apparently 'mean' when we tell brides on TK not to do such things.</div>

amyb140 · May 2011

Mean, shmean. I'll tell you what will scare a person into having good manners - my boss's mother is Miss Manners. As in, literally the one who writes the column in the paper. So believe me I'm trying to do everything correctly!

renatari · May 2011

I really never heard of tiered receptions until I got engaged & started reading... I guess the closest I ever got to one was when my 4th grade teacher got married. She invited the whole class to the ceremony but we obviously weren't invited to the reception. I was just excited to see my pretty teacher in a wedding dress. But, I was 9, lol.

sweetcanadian1979 · May 2011

I couldn't imagine this, i have never been invited to a wedding where we were not invited for the whole thing. We are having a diy buffet just so that we can host everyone and invite everyone without getting offended (large families for both of us who are also close)

We also have aquaintance who are expecting an invite, we are not close but they played a big role in our lives at some point so they are getting an invite too, i could not imagine insulting them by doing something like that. They are full guests whether we are close or not.

Tess did anyone speak up later? i can't believe that aunt had nerve, especially since she did this to her own imediate family (brother's family). I would never invite her to anything ever again.

sweetcanadian1979 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_tiered-reception-tales?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3697d9a3-e27c-401a-a302-7a125dc4e62bPost:ac16da47-875d-47a9-9474-d12bae29ac69">Re: Tiered Reception Tales</a>:
[QUOTE]Mean, shmean. I'll tell you what will scare a person into having good manners - my boss's mother is Miss Manners. As in, literally the one who writes the column in the paper. So believe me I'm trying to do everything correctly! :)
Posted by amyb140[/QUOTE]

<div>That would definately be scary. Is your boss invited? How would he/she know about the plans you have made that you have to worry about the mom. </div>

sariesue · May 2011

I went to a tiered reception of sort. The wedding was at one location with it's own cake, apps, dj, etc which was rather informal. Then close friends and family had dinner later in the evening with more upscale. No one there was upset by only being invited to the first party.

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