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Guest List Nightmare

LizzyThePirateLizzyThePirate
in Arizona-Phoenix
My fiance and I both have HUGE families and ironically, want to keep our wedding small. After doing the first draft of guests, we ended up with over 150 people and weren't even done with his family and close friends. I wouldn't mind having 100 people, but he is wanting to invite people who I have never even heard of and I know he hasn't talked to these family members in about 5 years. I understand that they are family, however I think it would be more 'us' if we had it small and intimate with our close friends and family. How can I make it so that if we do have only 100 people, the remaining number of people won't be offended. Nobody is helping us pay for our wedding which is why we are trying to keep it so small. Any suggestions would be appreciated :) Thanks ladies!

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Re: Guest List Nightmare

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    cu97tigercu97tiger member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Well, this is a great chance for you and your FI to communicate. There will need to be some compromise, possibly on both of your sides. My FI wanted a small wedding but since it is my first (his second), he understood how important it is to me to have my family be there (my family is huge).

    I suggest you start by putting down everyone you WISH could be invited. Then discuss budget. Why do you only want 100 people there? Would 120 be that much different? If you invite 150, most likely only about 100 or so will come. I understand what you mean about not wanting to invite people you haven't seen in years and years, so talk to your FI about swapping out friends that you are still in contact with with family you don't connect with anymore. It will all work out in the end!
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    BigfattygretchBigfattygretch member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I had this problem, but with my mom.  She wanted me to invite some of her long lost cousins, and friends, and coworkers....people that I've never even met and she hadn't seen in years.  I told her that instead of sending them an invitation to the wedding, I will send them a beautiful announcement after the wedding.  Perhaps your fiance would agree to this?
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    091109brIANna033013091109brIANna033013
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_arizona-phoenix_guest-list-nightmare?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:71Discussion:df42cb4f-8845-4e7d-a085-2f2cecc06e1bPost:baa63695-79d9-4014-99e2-585a85a20491">Re: Guest List Nightmare</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had this problem, but with my mom.  She wanted me to invite some of her long lost cousins, and friends, and coworkers....people that I've never even met and she hadn't seen in years.  I<strong> told her that instead of sending them an invitation to the wedding, I will send them a beautiful announcement after the wedding. </strong> Perhaps your fiance would agree to this?
    Posted by Bigfattygretch[/QUOTE]

    We are also planning on sending announcements out after the wedding to people we can't invite. My fiance's family is much bigger than mine, but my family has a lot more close friends. Our 120 person guest list will end up consisting of mostly friends and close family.
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    brittandjpbrittandjp member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd definitely start with your larger list, then start making cuts. If you only want close family and friends, I don't see why you can't get the total to under 100? Invite immediate family only, don't allow children, and only invite the friends you talk to at least once a week. That alone, I would assume, should put you under 100. I agree with PPs, this is a great opportunity to work on communication and finding middle ground that can make you both happy. Good luck!

    Side note: I know everyone will disagree with me, but in reality, not EVERY single person you invite will show up. Depending on how many OOTs you have, you may not have as many guests as you think. Granted, if you can only afford 100 guests without a doubt, I wouldn't invite 120 hoping 20 don't show up. However, if you invite you know 105 or so, I would imagine you'd probably end up under 100. Most of our guests are here and we're expecting most to show, so out of our almost 200 invites, I'm expecting at least 180. Just a thought to keep in mind.. :)
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    dasnidasni
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ugh, guest lists... We are going over by about 20 people but we've parred it down as much as we can. I know it sounds....shallow, but I will be really pissed if those 20 extra don't show up. Our package is for 100 and we have to pay $25 per extra head. If we invited 100 and only 90 showed up I would be ok with that. I kinda sound like an ass LOL.
    My biggest issue is with only one family member. We decided not to invite any children besides our nieces and nephews. They will all be part of the bridal party. My cousin (who I don't really get along with) is throwing a fit I'm not letting her bring her kids and a plus one. I'm not letting her bring a date because homegirl has a new POS each week that she moves in with her kids. Ugh, sorry that was building up.
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