How to say this....

austynmike · October 2010

So so we're having a FORMAL wedding. We would like our guests to wear fancy outfits (IE ballroom/gala attire) and I want to know how to say this on my announcements without sounding really tacky. MY FI's and our mutual friends are the kind of people who would totally dress like this anyway for a wedding but there are a few people we're worried about. Please help! I want to make sure everyone looks appropriate since we're making this a pretty formal event...thanks guys!!

SaraAndrew2010 · October 2010

If you're having a true black tie event, it's fine to put "Black Tie" on the invitation on the lower corner. However, to pull this off, you relly need to have a fancy wedding and pull out all the stops. Premium open bar all night, fancy plated dinner, live band, etc.

If your wedding is anything less than black tie, you can't put anything about attire on the invitation. It's up to the formality of your invitations (and word of mouth) to communicate how formal the wedding is. If you have formal invitations, it sounds like most of your friends will get the hint to dress up fancy, especially if it is in a fancy venue. For the few people you're worried about, there's not a whole lot you can do. Honestly, a few people in less formal outfits are not going to ruin your wedding. Just let them be.

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

Ditto Sara. Black tie definitely has more obligation on the hosts than on the guests, and if people go out and rent tuxes and buy fancy gowns and then show up to find a buffet, a DJ, or a limited bar, they will not be happy.

You can do very formal invitations (plain, engraved, calligraphy) to convey the feel, and spread the word of mouth that it's going to be very formal, but that's about it. You can't really tell people what to wear.

sarahbutchin · October 2010

I believe that DJ's can be the entertainment at black tie weddings....
aside from that... you can put Black Tie Optional.
People will know that it is very fancy, but they don't necessarily have to wear tuxes, but they will know they have to step it up.

gailpete · October 2010

According to Emily Post, if it truly is a formal event, you can put "Black Tie" or "White Tie" in the lower right hand corner of the reception invitation. You don't put it on the ceremony invitation.

banana468 · October 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_say-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:e3646396-330a-45ac-b1cd-5b6cee5425b3Post:ff62373b-068f-4f26-a43c-a47f29f9475b">Re: How to say this....</a>:
[QUOTE]I believe that DJ's can be the entertainment at black tie weddings.... aside from that... you can put Black Tie Optional. People will know that it is very fancy, but they don't necessarily have to wear tuxes, but they will know they have to step it up.
Posted by sarahbutchin[/QUOTE]

This is incorrect. The only thing you can indicate is Black tie.

And a DJ is not part of a black tie event. Black tie optional is confusing and it's inappropriate to put that on the reception card.

austynmike · October 2010

Alright so we are pulling out the stops the money we're spending for this reception is a little silly (but hey my FI wants to do this as we're doing it only once) We're doing everything really hight class and where we're having it is a very fancy and expensive place. We're going with White Tie apparently because he wants all the guys in a tux and women in some kind of long ball type gown. We have always wanted to go with the live band anyway not a DJ (more of an orchestra actually) I guess that I'm listing that in the bottom corner because if we're spending this much money I would like for everyone to look the part...thanks guys you totally rock!

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

White tie is the most formal you can possibly get. We're talking state dinners and royal functions. If you're really pulling out all the stops, it's probably black tie.

SaraAndrew2010 · October 2010

FYI, you should take your FI's full name out of your signature. It's basic internet safety advice if you don't want strange people tracking you down.

austynmike · November 2010

We're doing a steak dinner well steak and shrimp or chicken since we have some people who don't eat shellfish...

sarahbutchin · November 2010

Banana468- where did you get the information that black tie optional is inappropriate?

banana468 · November 2010

Sarah, it's in Crane's among others.

The time of day, venue, and formality of the invitation are what convey the appropriate attire. After 6:00 is formal.

When one wants to indicate that the reception is black tie then if you must, you can print 'Black tie' in the lower right hand corner of the invitation. There is no other dress code that is appropriate to put on the invitation.

And OP, a steak dinner does not mean that you're having a black tie wedding. DH and I had a steak dinner for our guests but it wasn't black tie at all. Black tie as PPs have said also has to do with how your guests are greeted, treated, hosted and what else they are served. Butler passed appetizers, no paper napkins, top shelf hosted alcohol, multi-piece band and a dinner of several courses are among the things that go into a black tie dinner. You need to live up to your end of the deal to have one. It isn't about wanting your guests to be pretty for you.

sarahbutchin · November 2010

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/qa/invitation-wording-that-includes-a-dress-code.aspx

5. How do I let my guest know that the reception is “black tie”?
In the past, most guest understood that a formal event after six o’clock required the guest to wear formal attire. However, today standards are somewhat more relaxed and you may need to specify “black tie” on your invitations if your want your guest to dress accordingly. We suggest that you place the words “Black Tie” in the lower right-hand corner of your wedding or reception invitation. Only use the phrase “Black Tie Optional” if you want to give your guest the option of formal attire or dressy casual.

http://www.essortment.com/lifestyle/propermannersw_siry.htm

http://www.blacktieguide.com/Basics/3B_Dress_Codes2.htm

banana468 · November 2010

Sarah, it's great that you found those links but they're not from established etiquette sources. Even TK isn't an established etiquette source as Crane's is.

How to say this....

Re: How to say this....

Choose Another Board

Search Boards