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The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...

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Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...

  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : I agree with your bolded part.  Older girls will make comments and that is ok.  I feel like they just want to help and not see girls rush into things that they aren't ready for.  I don't think they want to break up our relationships they just want us to live life happily and without regrets.  Which is really nice of them.  :)  Thanks for being big sisters to us young girls :)
    Posted by ravenray
    This is pretty much dead on, at least for me.


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  • lilphillips14lilphillips14 member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : This is pretty much dead on, at least for me.
    Posted by desertsun
    Which I'm thankful for! Desert, you are wise and your sig makes me smile, as does your kind advice.
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  • edited December 2011
    BF's mother wants us to live in their basement but I refuse. When I move out of my parent's house, I certainly don't want to move into someone else's. I want to live in a place that's mine (or ours).
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : This is pretty much dead on, at least for me.
    Posted by desertsun
    I know that is why I looove you!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • desertsundesertsun member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Thanks, Lil! And Raven! <3


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  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    I am terrified to live ALONE (as in, by myself). I have major anxiety issues. Also, in my circle, people actually do live with their parents until they get married (usually moving in with someone right when it's very serious and they are about to get engaged). The thought of throwing money away on rent sickens me and my BF, so we will live at home until we are ready to purchase something. *shrugs* Whatever works.
    Posted by GreenPepperBurger

    This is how my sister's H was too.  He didn't want to throw money away on rent, so they both lived at home until they got married, bought a house, and had to live with his parents until construction was finished.  They got married in October '05, moved into their house in May '06, and she moved back in with my parents by July '06.  They ended up working things out that time, but she moved out again last August and their divorce was finalized in February this year.

    I'm not saying that this is how it always turns out, obviously (he was a major asshole even before they got married, so I doubt their marriage would have been successful regardless), but she might have realized that and just never married him to begin with.
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  • edited December 2011
    I definitely believe in living together before marriage.
  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : This is how my sister's H was too.  He didn't want to throw money away on rent, so they both lived at home until they got married, bought a house, and had to live with his parents until construction was finished.  They got married in October '05, moved into their house in May '06, and she moved back in with my parents by July '06.  They ended up working things out that time, but she moved out again last August and their divorce was finalized in February this year. I'm not saying that this is how it always turns out, obviously (he was a major asshole even before they got married, so I doubt their marriage would have been successful regardless), but she might have realized that and just never married him to begin with.
    Posted by jemmini6

    Not everyone wants to live together before they get married.  I won't live with my BF because of personal choices, but that doesn't mean my relationship is going to fail, which I know you didn't say.  I just see this a lot that people insist you must live together.  I disagree.  Living on your own is a good idea but I don't think living together is necessary for everyone.  For the people who want to that is great but I am just saying that not everyone needs this to be ready for marriage.

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • jemmini6jemmini6 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : Not everyone wants to live together before they get married.  I won't live with my BF because of personal choices, but that doesn't mean my relationship is going to fail, which I know you didn't say.  I just see this a lot that people insist you must live together.  I disagree.  Living on your own is a good idea but I don't think living together is necessary for everyone.  For the people who want to that is great but I am just saying that not everyone needs this to be ready for marriage.
    Posted by ravenray
    Yeah, I don't think you have to live together, but I think you should live on your own before marriage (I also don't think it's a good idea for your first living experience out of your parents house be with your BF/FI/H). 

    In her case, I think if they had each lived on their own (or even with roommates) before moving in together, she would have recognized that the kind of person he was, and the person she was weren't compatible.  More than anything, I think her issue with not realizing that he wasn't good for her was that he was her whole life, she was never her own person before she was his wife (they met when she was 17, got married at 22 and divorced at 27).   
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    I'm 29.  I was 27 when we got engaged and married.  I definitely think that anything under 25 could be too young.  I'll give the 23-25 year olds some room for differing maturity but it is definitely a case by case basis.  Anything under 23 is just too young in my book.  I honestly don't care about how much of a speshul snowflake anyone thinks they are and I don't care how mature anyone under 23 thinks they are based on their life experiences.  While I may like some of the younger posters, I still think that it is odd to be on a wedding website at such a young age.  I am not saying that the person you are with when you are 19 won't be the one you end up marrying.  However, getting on a wedding website at that age is just BSC no matter what way you slice it.  Also, proclaiming that soon you'll be 20 when it is 6-months away is a sign of immaturity.  Nothing special happens when you turn 20.  I also don't care how mature you are at 19 or 20, you are still too young to get married.  I will also side-eye most people that get married without having lived on their own for some time, no matter what age.  (Unless you are holding down a full-time job and completely supporting yourself, college does not count for being on your own.)  I do think that there is something to being completely single as an adult.  It has nothing to do with dating several people, but it has everything to do with relying only on yourself.          People can do whatever the heck they want.  Conversely, others can think whatever they heck they want about it.  It's how the world turns. 
    Posted by TheMutleys
    I missed this part until cschiano pointed it out. I guess I'm getting side-eyed. I  lived at my parents' house until the age of 29. I had a full-time job and a car that I purchased and 100% paid for. I just didn't see a need to pay rent to live by myself, which I had no interest in doing.

    Instead BF (now FI) and I got a place together, and that's when I moved out. It's not for everyone, but it worked for me.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : Not everyone wants to live together before they get married.  I won't live with my BF because of personal choices, but that doesn't mean my relationship is going to fail, which I know you didn't say.  I just see this a lot that people insist you must live together.  I disagree.  Living on your own is a good idea but I don't think living together is necessary for everyone.  For the people who want to that is great but I am just saying that not everyone needs this to be ready for marriage.
    Posted by ravenray
    I get sick of seeing people insisting that a couple should live together before they get married. While it may work for some people it is no way an indicator of whether or not a marriage will work. As a matter of fact living on your own isn't an indicator of that either. One of the things I've noticed in my anthropology classes is that living on your own before marriage is definitely a cultural thing.


  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : I get sick of seeing people insisting that a couple should live together before they get married. While it may work for some people it is no way an indicator of whether or not a marriage will work. As a matter of fact living on your own isn't an indicator of that either. One of the things I've noticed in my anthropology classes is that living on your own before marriage is definitely a cultural thing.
    Posted by bethsmiles

    I am glad you pointed this out.  50 years ago it was acceptable to move from your parents house to your husbands house.  I get that times have changed but I don't think it makes your marriage more or less better. 
    Jenn- I hear your point about your sister.  I wasn't saying that in your Sisters case it didn't matter.  I am just saying that living together doesn't guarantee a good marriage.

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • alanna91alanna91 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    I'm 29.  I was 27 when we got engaged and married.  I definitely think that anything under 25 could be too young.  I'll give the 23-25 year olds some room for differing maturity but it is definitely a case by case basis.  Anything under 23 is just too young in my book.  I honestly don't care about how much of a speshul snowflake anyone thinks they are and I don't care how mature anyone under 23 thinks they are based on their life experiences.  While I may like some of the younger posters, I still think that it is odd to be on a wedding website at such a young age.  I am not saying that the person you are with when you are 19 won't be the one you end up marrying.  However, getting on a wedding website at that age is just BSC no matter what way you slice it.  Also, proclaiming that soon you'll be 20 when it is 6-months away is a sign of immaturity.  Nothing special happens when you turn 20.  I also don't care how mature you are at 19 or 20, you are still too young to get married.  I will also side-eye most people that get married without having lived on their own for some time, no matter what age.  (Unless you are holding down a full-time job and completely supporting yourself, college does not count for being on your own.)  I do think that there is something to being completely single as an adult.  It has nothing to do with dating several people, but it has everything to do with relying only on yourself.          People can do whatever the heck they want.  Conversely, others can think whatever they heck they want about it.  It's how the world turns. 
    Posted by TheMutleys
    Mutley, its advice/talk like this that makes the boards worth coming to. I'm nineteen so while I might originally disagree with a lot of what you say, like "I still think that it is odd to be on a wedding website at such a young age" I know you're right.
    Also, your signature pictures keep getting cuter and cuter. He's very adorable, but I'm sure you've been told.
    White Knot
  • edited December 2011
    I'm 24 so I think I'm the average age on here but now feel kind of youngish. Like everyone else already said each individual person/relationship is different but personally I feel like 22 or under is too young to be married for most.
    Also if you can't support yourself and can't pay for your own wedding..nope,not ready. If Mom or Dad foot the bill for your wedding because they can afford it and really want to-fine but they shouldn't be paying because you can't.
    Raven, Beth and GPB; I agree with you all. I don't think everyone needs to live alone first in order to be ready for marriage. I live with family and pay a small amount for rent. This way I was able to save more for a house and wedding. This makes much more sense for me to do. BF lives with a friend for now and in a few months we'll probably be moving in together because we feel like it's the next step to take in our relationship. I do not think it's necessaty to live together before marriage. I've learned a lot about BF's habits ust since he's lived on his own.
     




  • edited December 2011

    I am 22 FI is 23 and I will just be a month past my 23rd birthday when we get married. I realize we are on the younger side and some people have made comments about our age, but for us the timing is perfect. We both graduated from college this past May and are beginning to establish our careers. By the time we get married we will be together just short of 4 years and known eachother for 6 years. I think that some 22/23 year olds are extremely immature and have no buisness getting married but that  could be said for alot of different ages. Every person is different at different stages of their lives.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : I get sick of seeing people insisting that a couple should live together before they get married. While it may work for some people it is no way an indicator of whether or not a marriage will work. As a matter of fact living on your own isn't an indicator of that either. One of the things I've noticed in my anthropology classes is that living on your own before marriage is definitely a cultural thing.
    Posted by bethsmiles
    I agree with this. Although I lived alone with a roommate all through college FI and I are both living at our parents house until we get married. It is a cultural thing (he is Sicilian and you do NOT live with your gf/bf or fiance before you get married). But I also agree with this choice as it aligns with my religious beliefs. My parents lived together before they got married and they are still happily married so I am not saying either way is setting yourself up for disaster but it just gets annoying when people just assume that you are living and sleeping together.
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  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I just turned 24 yesterday actually. I don't feel old or young here on the boards.  I wanted to be married by 21. Looking back I give myself the side eye. lol With the timeline BF and I have talked about I'll be 26 when we get married. 

    I don't think there's an ideal age to be married. I think it depends on the person, the relationship, and standing in life. I do think it's a smart idea to be done with school and to have a full-time job.
    ~*~Sept 2013 Siggy Challange - Then (2005) & Now (2012)~*~
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    Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    [QUOTE]I just turned 24 yesterday actually. I don't feel old or young here on the boards.  I wanted to be married by 21. Looking back I give myself the side eye. lol With the timeline BF and I have talked about I'll be 26 when we get married.  I don't think there's an ideal age to be married. I think it depends on the person, the relationship, and standing in life. I do think it's a smart idea to be done with school and to have a full-time job.
    Posted by deburnin[/QUOTE]


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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    I just turned 24 yesterday actually. I don't feel old or young here on the boards.  I wanted to be married by 21. Looking back I give myself the side eye. lol With the timeline BF and I have talked about I'll be 26 when we get married.  I don't think there's an ideal age to be married. I think it depends on the person, the relationship, and standing in life. I do think it's a smart idea to be done with school and to have a full-time job.
    Posted by deburnin
    Happy Birthday!  Why didn't you AW yourself out? 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : Happy Birthday!  Why didn't you AW yourself out? 
    Posted by ravenray
    I worked all day and then wasn't really near a computer. 

    Thanks for the belated b-day wishes though! :)
    ~*~Sept 2013 Siggy Challange - Then (2005) & Now (2012)~*~
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic
    Somebody once said, it's the soul that matters. Baby who can really tell, when two hearts belong so well?
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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady...:
    In Response to Re: The question you're never supposed to ask a lady... : I worked all day and then wasn't really near a computer.  Thanks for the belated b-day wishes though! :)
    Posted by deburnin
    Well then you should do it now!  Go make a birthday post so we can celebrate!
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Bett2012Bett2012 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I'm 20.  Been dating for 4 years, will have been engaged for 1 year by the time we are actually married. We'll still have a year left of undergrad (5 year teaching program), but we're ready.  Not ready for what life will throw at us - no one could ever be, but ready to make the commitment to stick together through whatever life will throw at us.  I don't think age is a fixed requirement for marriage. It depends on alot of other things.
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