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What should I provide?

Lissa1213Lissa1213 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Destination Weddings Discussions
My parents and possibly my sister are looking like our only guests for our super small ceremony.  We are not sending out invitations to anyone because we honestly don't want a ton of people to show up.  However I have had several people ask about the dates, hotel information and flight schedules. I haven't said to anyone "you should come" or anything of the sort. 
We are providing a huge Villa for my parents and sister and will be having a chef as well.  Outside of this are we expected to do anything else? Provide anything for people that show up? 

I really don't want to flat out say to people "Don't Come" especially when I have already stated that we are doing it small with only my parents.

 

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Re: What should I provide?

  • KateH2013KateH2013
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Can you clarify a little? Are there people traveling to your DW site for your wedding, or is it just you, your FI, your sister and parents? (sorry if you've already introduced this - I'm a little behind lately). If you're not planning to invite anyone else, I would just say that it's immediate family only and leave it at that. Hopefully no one is being presumptuous or pushy! :) 
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  • cevans11cevans11
    First Comment
    I think a lot depends on who these people are. Are they very close friends and family, that you'd like there? Are they asking about flight info, etc because they expect an invitation? 

    If you are happy to have them attend your wedding, I don't think you are expected to provide accomodations or anything, but you should plan some sort of reception- even if it's just a small dinner (or lunch depending on when your ceremony is) after the ceremony. 

    If you'd truly prefer a private ceremony, I think you need to be firm with people before they book flights, etc. Just saying something like "We're so happy that you're thinking of us, but we're planning a private ceremony with immediate family only." 
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  • Lissa1213Lissa1213 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    We haven't invited anyone, except for my parents and sister.  Mostly the people asking are close friends
    thank you ladies

     

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    So - your close friends are wanting to come and you haven't invited them? Honestly, I think it might not be a bad idea to clarify what is happening with them. If I was a really close friend and you mentioned you were getting married, I would assume I was invited. Especially if you have talked about the wedding at all with those friends without specifically saying "we are having a family only ceremony". If you never mentioned anything about it, dodged my questions about what was going on and then next I knew you came back and were married I would likely assume you were trying to end our friendship? (that's just me - maybe your group has different expectations/reactions than I do :) )

    Can you just mention - "hey we are doing strictly family only for the ceremony but we'd love to go out and celebrate with a toast once we get back"  Or something along those lines so folks are really clear on this?


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  • Lissa1213Lissa1213 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_what-should-i-provide?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:b4910af0-a6e4-4b7a-a0e8-4d3db0528a73Post:be98ea20-a65d-4018-a3be-7e6dc104addc">Re: What should I provide?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So - your close friends are wanting to come and you haven't invited them? Honestly, I think it might not be a bad idea to clarify what is happening with them. If I was a really close friend and you mentioned you were getting married, I would assume I was invited. Especially if you have talked about the wedding at all with those friends without specifically saying "we are having a family only ceremony". If you never mentioned anything about it, dodged my questions about what was going on and then next I knew you came back and were married I would likely assume you were trying to end our friendship? (that's just me - maybe your group has different expectations/reactions than I do :) ) Can you just mention - "hey we are doing strictly family only for the ceremony but we'd love to go out and celebrate with a toast once we get back"  Or something along those lines so folks are really clear on this?
    Posted by WinoGrrl[/QUOTE]

    THIS is exactly what I was afraid of. I have stated that it will just be my family, I just haven't said "FAMILY ONLY".  I don't want to be rude to these people that I am close with, honestly I thought they would get the hint with what I have been saying.  I spoke to my mom about this yesterday and she thinks that people are saying these just to be supportive and doesn't think that they really have intentions of going.  But I don't know.  It's not that I would completely mind but I don't want to have to worry about entertaining friends (mainly because this is going to be my vacation as well as my familys)

     

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    My suggestion -- casually mention to whoever is talking about your wedding "So we should totally plan a night out when we get back to celebrate!"

    In my group of friends that would be enough to let them know we aren't inviting them but that it isn't due to hard feelings. 
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  • cevans11cevans11
    First Comment
    I definitely think you need to clear the air. It's not so much about whether you would "mind" if they come, but whether or not they're invited. If I assumed I was invited to a close friend's wedding, and was told "Sorry for the confusion, but we're planning a private, family only ceremony," I wouldn't be offended. I understand that people want different things. 

    However, if I assumed I was invited, and never was told otherwise, booked tickets, and hotels, etc. only to find out that I'm not invited, but you don't "mind" if I'm there, I might be a little upset. 

    That said, you have plenty of time to figure this out, and if you do decide to invite them, you don't need to be responsible for planning out all their activites and entertaining them every day. I would think that they are your friends and are thinking along the lines of, "Lissa is my friend, I can't wait to see her get married, and enjoy a tropical vacation at the same time." When we attend our friends destination weddings, other than the night of the wedding, and possibly a welcome party (if there is one, this isn't a necessity), we pretty much fend for ourselves and do our own vacation thing. 
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  • Lissa1213Lissa1213 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    Thanks, you guys really helped.  I think I will just be frank about it and let them know that I am not inviting anyone other than my family to join us and plan a little get together when we get back.

     

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Good luck!!
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  • Meg&AustinMeg&Austin member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Great advice above good luck n keep us updated!
    Anniversary
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