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What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?

hearthemelodyhearthemelody
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in Wedding Party
Hello!

I have been lurking for a few weeks now, and I feel like I have a good grasp on what does NOT count as a legitimate difficulty. This includes pregnant bridesmaids, Maid of Honor who won't throw three parties, and the proper number of attendants.

My question is: What would be a real problem with a party member that would potentially destroy the day we all look forward to?

Thank you!
Melody
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Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?

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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    Sleeping with your FI, them trashing you or your relationship.
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    jemmini6jemmini6 member
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    Physical violence towards you or your loved ones, trying to sabbotage your marriage, doing anything non-WR that you find to be a deal breaker for a friendship, etc.

    Basically, if it's bad enough that you no longer want to be friends with the person or ever speak to them again, then it's bad enough to not include them in your wedding.  But you can't say...oh, well I still want to be friends, but she's just uninvolved in my wedding.

    Remember, your BMs were your FRIENDS before you asked them to be a part of your wedding, and that friendship should always trump any issues you have in regards to your wedding.
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    raes19raes19 member
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    The bestman confesses his love to the groom and his "speech" is a love song he wrote to him. Didn't ruin my wedding though, just made for some akward conversations after.
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    soontobemrsepsoontobemrsep
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-constitutes-a-real-problem-with-a-party-member?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:df21398e-dbe3-4d39-8e3e-efd196515b9aPost:8792ef0a-7886-4ca6-bb1d-a82e9398b553">Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>The bestman confesses his love to the groom and his "speech" is a love song he wrote to him. Didn't ruin my wedding though, just made for some akward conversations after.</strong>
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    Wait... what?!
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    graysquirrelgraysquirrel member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-constitutes-a-real-problem-with-a-party-member?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:df21398e-dbe3-4d39-8e3e-efd196515b9aPost:50b34d62-607d-4c53-92de-387937254bf4">Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Physical violence towards you or your loved ones, trying to sabbotage your marriage, doing anything non-WR that you find to be a deal breaker for a friendship, etc. <strong>Basically, if it's bad enough that you no longer want to be friends with the person or ever speak to them again, then it's bad enough to not include them in your wedding.  But you can't say...oh, well I still want to be friends, but she's just uninvolved in my wedding . Remember, your BMs were your FRIENDS before you asked them to be a part of your wedding, and that friendship should always trump any issues you have in regards to your wedding.
    </strong>Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]


    100% agree. If a friend does something to you that is so horrible that you can't stand to be in a relationship any longer, then that is a huge problem. What that "something" would be is left to each individual. It could be stealing or other criminal activity, hitting on your man, being unsupportive of your relationship, whatever.

    I think that the only other problem would be not getting her dress. That removes the girl from the WP. I do think that friends should be able to talk through those things, but the other items, like not throwing parties, not coming to bridal shows, etc. should not be that big of a deal.
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    hearthemelodyhearthemelody
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    [QUOTE]The bestman confesses his love to the groom and his "speech" is a love song he wrote to him. Didn't ruin my wedding though, just made for some akward conversations after.
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    Wow...I can picture it, but only as if it were in a movie.

    I am impressed with your grace under fire!
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    raes19raes19 member
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    I had told H for a long time that I thought his bestman had feelings for him. He thought I was nuts, but turns out I was right and there was no way he could ignore it after that.
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    soontobemrsepsoontobemrsep
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-constitutes-a-real-problem-with-a-party-member?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:df21398e-dbe3-4d39-8e3e-efd196515b9aPost:accaa8e2-bb70-4c0b-a3ea-c30cde9a8b5b">Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had told H for a long time that I thought his bestman had feelings for him. He thought I was nuts, but turns out I was right and there was no way he could ignore it after that.
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    do you remember any of the lyrics??
    And, if you don't mind sharing, what happened to their friendship?
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    MeghannsixMeghannsix member
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    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-constitutes-a-real-problem-with-a-party-member?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:df21398e-dbe3-4d39-8e3e-efd196515b9aPost:accaa8e2-bb70-4c0b-a3ea-c30cde9a8b5b">Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I had told H for a long time that I thought his bestman had feelings for him. He thought I was nuts, but turns out I was right and there was no way he could ignore it after that.
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    Wow, just wow.

    And back to OP, what exactly is entailed with "ruining how we all will look"?  Is she threatening to douse you all with battery acid, or did she get a mohawk?  I need more details.

    edit:  she could potentially destroy the day you're looking forward to, not the way you look.  Sorry, it's been a long week.  What do you think she might do?
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    em01092em01092 member
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    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-constitutes-a-real-problem-with-a-party-member?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:df21398e-dbe3-4d39-8e3e-efd196515b9aPost:29bb94fa-6de9-4edc-a413-125ff5fda53e">Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member? : 100% agree. If a friend does something to you that is so horrible that you can't stand to be in a relationship any longer, then that is a huge problem. What that "something" would be is left to each individual. It could be stealing or other criminal activity, hitting on your man, being unsupportive of your relationship, whatever.<strong> I think that the only other problem would be not getting her dress. That removes the girl from the WP.</strong> I do think that friends should be able to talk through those things, but the other items, like not throwing parties, not coming to bridal shows, etc. should not be that big of a deal.
    Posted by graysquirrel[/QUOTE]

    <div>Totally agree, but what about a BM who waits to the last minute and technically <em>does</em> order the dress, but it is due to come in the week of the wedding? What if it doesn't fit or doesn't even come in on time?</div><div>
    </div><div>This was a debate on my month board earlier this week. Several people attacked the OP for being a brat, and I do think it's the nice thing to do to let her go get another dress in a neutral color just in case, but I kind of get why she is upset. </div><div>
    </div><div>It seemed (from OP) that the BM simply got lazy and put off ordering the dress. She had no hardship or budget issues. My own MOH was somewhat like this and I wound up ordering the dress for her so it would get done (she reimbursed me 4 days later and no she was not waiting on a paycheck, so clearly money wasn't the issue there either). </div><div>
    </div><div>I told those jumping all over her that getting the dress is the one major obligation besides showing up, so I get why OP felt like BM put her obligation/OPs wedding on the backburner. Obviously if she had been biitching about the BMs not ordering 11 months out or something, different story. </div>
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    hearthemelodyhearthemelody
    First Comment
    [QUOTE]Wow, just wow. And back to OP, what exactly is entailed with "ruining how we all will look"?  Is she threatening to douse you all with battery acid, or did she get a mohawk?  I need more details. edit:  she could potentially destroy the day you're looking forward to, not the way you look.  Sorry, it's been a long week.  What do you think she might do?
    Posted by Meghannsix[/QUOTE]

    I am not personally anticipating any difficulties with the wedding I am helping to plan. I was simply curious if people have come accross many legitimate complaints that do not fall under the "OMG My MOH wont learn the dance Can I FIRE HER??" umbrella.

    I certainly see enough of those posts...
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    AurorasEnvyAurorasEnvy
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    I agree with PPs, anything that would end the friendship otherwise.  
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    sonya+adamsonya+adam member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-constitutes-a-real-problem-with-a-party-member?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:df21398e-dbe3-4d39-8e3e-efd196515b9aPost:8792ef0a-7886-4ca6-bb1d-a82e9398b553">Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The bestman confesses his love to the groom and his "speech" is a love song he wrote to him. Didn't ruin my wedding though, just made for some akward conversations after.
    Posted by raes19[/QUOTE]

    Woah. You win.
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    HilraythebrideHilraythebride member
    First Comment
    1.  Advances towards the fiance.
    2. Unwanted advances towards the bride.
    3. Stealing from the bride, groom, or their family.
    4. Violence.

    This!!!

    Almost anything else is just BS he said she crap that won't matter the day after it happened let along the day of your wedding!
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    raes19raes19 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_what-constitutes-a-real-problem-with-a-party-member?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:df21398e-dbe3-4d39-8e3e-efd196515b9aPost:4b5a548e-065b-4955-a57f-c2135fd5b9fa">Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: What constitutes a real problem with a Party Member? : do you remember any of the lyrics?? And, if you don't mind sharing, what happened to their friendship?
    Posted by soontobemrsep[/QUOTE]

    I don't remember the lyrics, sorry. It was actually a pretty song though.

    As for their friendship, they still talk occasionally, but it definately changed things. Mostly because H doesn't want to lead him on and make him think there is a potential for their relationship to be more.
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    Bett2012Bett2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    lol he's married.. how could he lead him on? It makes sense to distance though, that would be kind of awkward, probably:S  I have never actually heard of someone declaring their love for the bride/groom the day of the wedding... but i guess it happens! kinda weird that he chose to do it after the groom was married though :S
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    Jack2012Jack2012
    First Anniversary First Comment
    The bestman confesses his love to the groom and his "speech" is a love song he wrote to him. Didn't ruin my wedding though, just made for some akward conversations after.
    Posted by raes19


       THIS,  I swear this is going to happen at my wedding!  If you hadn't told your story I would swear I was crazy but Andrew's best man could SO end up doing this.  I don't know how many drinking/COD nights I've had to give him the eye for crossing the "are you sure you like girls" line. (No homophobia intended my very openly gay friend David has called him out numerous times)

      I showed Andrew your post also and he laughed.. got really quiet and then said "Well... maybe Drew shouldn't get a speech now that I think about it"
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